


Love, Bear

by insomniacchronosaurus



Category: Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 00 line are freshmen, 2jin are bffs, Alcohol, Blood and Injury, College AU, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied Smut, M/M, Mention of Past Suicide Attempt, Swearing, and jeongin is in his last year of high school, aussie line are roommates, background minsung & changlix, background seungjin too, changbin is a sophmore, each chapter is one week in time, heated makeout scenes, lowkey baby bts cameos, minho's a junior, seungjin are roommates, some sexual implications/humor, some woolix in a flashback, this is lowkey supposed to be like love simon, woochan are seniors, woochan texting fic because i was inspired by matryoshkaa's woochan texting fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 76,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacchronosaurus/pseuds/insomniacchronosaurus
Summary: Woojin and Chan meet on the college chatroom and quickly develop a bond neither of them saw coming. Only problem: Woojin's identity is a mystery to Chan. Is it possible to fall in love with someone whose name you don't even know?





	1. The First Week

Korea National University of Arts Chat Room

Monday, February 24th, 2019-10:16 PM

cb97: hello is anyone else on here

bear4897: hi

cb97: hi there! i'm chan. what's your name?

bear4897: hmm not telling

cb97: why not i told you mine

bear4897: cause you can't trust ppl on the internet you could be an axe murderer or something

cb97: but we both have 97 in our usernames. we're 97 twins. you gotta trust in the solidarity of the number 97

bear4897: that's just there cause its the year i was born

cb97: me too! senior high five

bear4897: that's an optimistic attitude to have towards senior year of college

cb97: well yeah cause we're finally getting out of here

bear4897: but its the hardest year so far i'll be lucky if i graduate

cb97: oh i'm sure you will. you seem smart. you're skeptical about ppl on the internet. smart move

bear4897: you're easily impressed

cb97: is that a bad thing

bear4897: no, it's kind of cute

cb97: gasp am i being flirted with

bear4897: trust me that was the first & last time i will be flirting-i'm not that kind of person

cb97: yet ;)

bear4897: sksksksksksksks

cb97: panicked gay

cb97: wait are you gay that was homonormative of me you could very well be a straight girl 

bear4897: lol no i'm a guy

bear4897: .....and a panicked gay

cb97: yay me too

cb97: well i'm not panicked i'm confident 

bear4897: hmm i doubt it

bear4897: confident gays are cool & you seem lame

cb97: RUDE

cb97: i am being cyber bullied i am being oppressed through the internet i don't deserve this

bear4897: ok i take it back...just cause you're cute

cb97: you said you weren't flirty, but there you are calling me cute again! are you sure you're not a hoe

bear4897: sksksksksks definitely not i've never even dated anyone

cb97: never? aw baby

cb97: i know we're the same age but you're a baby

cb97: cause i haven't said it yet but you're cute too

bear4897: .....thank you

cb97: panicked gay part 2

bear4897: now i'm being oppressed

cb97: hey can we exchange numbers? so we can continue this in private text

bear4897: on one hand, i remain skeptical & cautious. on the other hand, you go to the same school as me & have sounded very non threatening thus far, so i guess i'll trust you with my number

bear4897: 212-555-341

cb97: yay! ok i'll text you tmw

bear4897: okay goodnight

 

"What are you giggling at?" Felix, Chan's energetic freshman roommate inquired.

"Nothing suspicious. Just talking to someone on the university chat room."

"What's their name?"

"bear4897."

"Their real name, stupid."

"I don't know his real name, loser."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't that seem suspicious to you? That this person won't tell you their name?"

Chan shrugged. 

"Be careful, hyung. Don't do anything stupid, like give them your phone number."

Chan went silent.

"You already did, didn't y-"

"I'm going to take a shower," Chan announced abruptly as he ran out of the room (and the conversation.)

 

Tuesday 3:03 AM  
chan: hiiiii this is chan from the chat room

bear: why are you awake

chan: i could ask you the same question

bear: i asked first

chan: i'm fulfilling my promise i said i'd text you tmw

bear: its a little early though, don't you think?

chan: time is fake

chan: anyway why are you awake

chan: at a wild party? on a secret spy mission to save the nation? planning a revolt against the government?

bear: homework

bear: i should let you know now, if those are your expectations to lower them cause i'm pretty boring

chan: you take that back

bear: what that i'm boring

chan: yes take it back right now

bear: why it's true

chan: no uh uh we're not having any self deprecating talk of any kind in this chat i will not let my bear call himself boring

bear: your bear?

chan: yes

bear: 

bear: ahshdsgsksbbgs

bear: um

bear: okay i'm not boring

chan: haha told you i was a confident gay

bear: you're definitely a hoe

chan: i'm going to ignore that

chan: btw what's your name

bear: not telling

chan: what! why not you trusted me with your number

bear: cause i don't want you to know who i am and find me on campus and try to get to know me in real life-you wouldn't like me in real life

chan; lies and slander you're fun to talk with and i want more friends pleeeeeeeaaaaaase

bear: sorry not risking it. maybe someday

chan: ugh this is only proving my roommate's point

chan: he said you not wanting me to tell me your name was suspicious and i shouldn't trust you

bear: ok fine i'll tell you my last name

chan: really?

bear: year

bear: kim

chan: ARE YOU SERIOUS

chan: YOU HAD TO HAVE THE MOST KOREAN LAST NAME

chan: I KNOW FOUR PEOPLE WITH THAT LAST NAME

chan: BEAR

chan: COME BACK HERE

 

Tuesday 4:46 PM

bear: hi

chan: no

bear: ???

bear: i didn't say anything

chan: i'm disagreeing with your existence

bear: why what did i do

chan: teased me with your name which you knew would not assist me in my search for your true identity at all and then did not respond to any more of my texts for the night

bear: it's not my fault i fell asleep

chan: aw really?

chan: uwu that's cute

bear: once again, easily impressed

chan; you're mean

chan: i'm positive alright we can't all be cynical & smart like you

bear: i never said it was a bad thing, it's cute remember?

chan: oh yeah

chan: you called me cute again uwu

chan: okay all is forgiven

bear: great now that that's settled i'm going to take a nap

chan: it's 5 pm

bear: yeah and a bear's gotta hibernate especially when he stayed up until 3 AM doing homework 

chan: okay then i'll see you in the spring

bear: yeah talk to you in a few months

chan: cool byee

 

Tuesday 9:18 PM

chan: ok but wait 

chan: but i have a very important question to ask you

chan: i know you are a bear

chan: but what kind?

chan: a polar bear, a grizzly bear, a koala bear, the gay kind? pls enlighten me

chan: beaaaaaaarrrr

chan; whatever kind you are

chan: talk to me

bear: i was having a delightful nap and you had to interrupt it with nine texts about the type of bear i am

chan: have you been napping for four hours????

chan: that'll totally mess up your sleep schedule 

chan: but then you can be up at 3 to chat with me

bear: no go to sleep

bear: but to answer your question teddy bear

chan: uwu that's so cute 

bear: my friend thinks i look like a bear and i'm cuddly so the nickname just stuck

chan: aw you're cuddly of course you are

chan: dammit bear why are you so cute

bear: see this is why you can't know who i am because you think i'm cute now but you'll get to know how i am in real life and i'll be boring and lame

chan: what did i say before

chan: no self deprecation

chan: i'm sure you're just as adorable and funny and smart in real life

bear: and you're probably just as lame and naive

chan: MEAN

chan: i take back every nice thing i said you suck

bear: then we're on the same page

chan: NO SHUT UP

bear: heehee

chan: but there you are being cute again

chan: i can't stay mad at you

chan: you've won this time oso

bear: oso?

chan: that's bear in spanish

bear: alright then mr. multilingual

chan: i actually am multilingual though i am not fluent in spanish

bear: lies and slander. false advertising

chan: that sounds like something i would say

chan: but i speak english along with korean! i'm actually from australia

chan: i moved here after high school

bear: okay that's cool

bear: i've never left korea

chan: gasp did you just admit something about me was cool

bear: don't get used to it

 

"Hyung, stop sexting your catfish so I can go to sleep please," Felix whined. 

Chan turned around in his bed to face Felix, who was under a mountain of blankets in his bed across the room.

"How am I keeping you from sleeping? The light's not even on."

"You keep giggling and squealing."

"Okay, I'll be quiet."

"Thank you."

 

bear: where did you go

chan: sorry my roommate said i was bothering him

bear: what were you doing

chan: he claims he couldn't sleep because i keep giggling and squealing when i text you

bear: oh my god that's so lame

bear: but also really adorable

chan: !!!!!

chan: uwu uwu uwu 

chan: you've said i'm cute three times

chan: i'm so soft

bear: who's the panicked gay now

chan: wait no

 

Wednesday 11:23 AM

chan: i'm excited

chan: ask me what i'm excited about

bear: what are you excited about

chan: i just finished writing a song!!!

bear: you write songs?

chan: yeah im a music major

bear: me too! i don't write songs but i sing

chan: ooh i bet your voice is really pretty

bear: i bet your songs are really good

chan: you're being nice today...suspicious

bear: i can be nice it's not an impossible scenario

bear: you forget we don't know each other that well

bear: this is only our like,,,,, fourth conversation

chan: really?

chan: i feel like i've known you for weeks

chan: time is fake

bear: you mentioned that

chan: it's true 

bear: hmm

chan: i know i know you're smart and won't fall for my dumbassery

bear: dumbassery is not a word

chan: see you're smart

chan: and don't be self deprecating its true

chan: seriously

bear:

bear: okay

chan: i didn't make things awkward did i

bear: no

bear: i just didn't know how to accept the compliment

bear: no one's ever said something like that to me before

bear: i'll say something self deprecating and the ppl around me will just let me believe it they won't try to tell me its not true

chan: they should

bear: did i make it weird?

chan: no darling you're fine

bear: darling? noo don't do that

bear: you're gonna make me soft

chan: are you sure you're not already soft

bear: stop exposing me

chan: never baby ;)

bear: sdfhbfybsgbrgbuiewbg

chan: lol i got class but i'll talk to you later

bear: yeah you never told me about your song

bear: can i hear it later?

chan: maybe

chan: if i can hear you sing

bear: ...

bear: we'll see

 

Thursday 1:15 AM

bear: newrecordingmp3

chan: OMG

chan: IS THAT YOUR VOICE

chan: JAKESKJDJHUDSBSUBUS

bear: lol who's jake

chan: IT WAS A RESULT OF KEYSMASHING

chan: HOLY FUCK YOUR VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

chan: YOU SOUND SO PRETTY IM BEING SERIOUS

chan: IM DEAD I'VE DIED YOUR SINGING IS GORGEOUS OH MY GOD

bear: thank you

bear: i don't know how else to respond but that's really nice thank you

chan: did i make you shy uwu

bear: i may be blushing

chan: pics or it didn't happen ;) 

bear: nice try

bear: i'm not about to ruin the fantasy

chan: i'm going to ignore the self deprecating implications of that statement because i'm sure your actual appearance is better than my fantasies

bear: how do you think so highly of me

chan: because you're worth thinking highly of

bear: shut up

chan: uwu shy bear

chan: cute

bear: anyway i let you hear me sing show me your song

chan: okay

chan: insomniamp3

bear: oh my god

bear: chan

bear: you wrote this?

chan: yeah

bear: holy shit

bear: it's incredible

bear: seriously

chan: it's just something i wrote when i couldn't sleep. nothing special

chan; you don't have to feel obligated to praise it

bear: but it is special. it's a bop with beautiful lyrics and you should be proud. i really love it-and i mean that

bear: also if i'm not allowed to be self deprecating you're not either

chan: fine 

bear: say it

chan: say what?

bear: that it's incredible

chan:

chan: only for you

chan: it's incredible

bear: that wasn't so hard now was it

chan: i guess not

bear: :)

chan: you're a softie but in an evil way

bear: you get me

chan: :p

chan: i'm going to sleep now

bear: WHAT

bear: CHAN WILLINGLY GOING TO SLEEP ON HIS OWN

bear: WHO ARE YOU

chan: wouldn't you like to know ;)

bear: wait come back here please confirm you have not kidnapped and replaced my channie

chan: m-my channie?

chan: uwuwuwuwuwuwu that's so cute you're so soft for me!!!!!!!!

bear: i take it all back

bear: goodnight

chan: mwahahaha

 

Thursday 9:28 AM

bear: it's too early to exist

bear: yet here i am

chan: coffee darling

chan: it does wonders

bear: i bet that's what you run on since you don't sleep

bear: it's what flows through your veins instead of blood

chan: maybe so

chan: is that a bad thing?

bear: i highly doubt it's healthy but whatever

chan: i thought you were a good influence but maybe you are a bit rebellious

bear: if your standard for rebellion is me allowing you to get high on caffeine so you don't fall asleep in class than your standards are low

bear: hey i was about to say something else that was self deprecating but i stopped myself aren't you proud

chan: gasp i am proud

chan: and happy

chan: my bear deserves to love himself

bear: that's.....really sweet

bear: thank you

chan: you're welcome

chan: i'm grinning at my phone right now by the way

bear:

bear: me too

chan: pics or it didn't happen!!!!1!

bear: that didn't work the first time and it won't work now

chan: harrumph

chan: this isn't fair you know who i am but i have no idea who you are

bear: i don't know who you are

chan: you know my name

bear: i know your first name but this is a big campus with a lot of students and i wouldn't be surprised if multiple ppl named chan go here

chan: are you implying my name is basic

bear: not in a bad way, cause i can't talk

bear: half of this country's last name is kim

chan: yeah you boring loser

bear: takes one to know one :p

chan: mean!!!

chan: i'm suing

bear: for how much

chan: are you trying to figure out if i'm one of the rich legacy kids

bear: that was observant

chan: hah who's the smart one now

chan: ok i just tripped over air so still you

bear: you're dumb but that's okay it's cute

chan: ugh i get so soft every time you call me cute

chan: cause the cutest little teddy bear i know thinks i'm cute!!!

chan: dare i say

chan: u

chan: wu

bear: we barely know each other yet you're totally whipped for me

bear: my power

chan: shut up

bear: HAH who's the panicked gay now

bear: AGAIN

chan: i hate you

bear: heehee

 

Thursday 12:37 PM

chan: beaaaaarrrr

chan: i miss you

bear: we talked two hours ago

chan: it feels like it's been 72 days

bear: you really have no concept of time

chan: perhaps

chan: anyway

chan: hi

bear: hi stupid

chan: i'm not stupid

bear: it's a term of endearment

chan: aw you find me endearing

chan: squee

bear: every time you acknowledge that i have positive feelings towards you that makes me want to pull away cause i'm shy

chan: i'm a soft lad who uwus any time anyone expresses affection for me

chan: embrace it baby it's not gonna change

bear: .....baby

bear: you gotta stop calling me pet names

bear: my roommate's getting suspicious at my gay freak outs

chan: mwahahaha

chan: our role reversal is constantly changing isn't it exciting

bear: it's exhausting

bear: but kind of fun i guess

chan: you think our dynamic is fun uwu

bear: easy to please

chan: hey at least it's not easily impressed anymore

chan: i'm not completely 1 dimensional

bear: i mean they're similar so i still say you're 1 dimensional

bear: still a pancake

bear: but my pancake 

chan: asjhsfyegefygeyuf

bear: yeah this is fun

 

"Chan!"

Chan looked up. "What?"

Felix, Seungmin, Jisung and Changbin all rolled their eyes. The five of them were having lunch on the floor of Felix and Chan's room.

"Sorry, did we interrupt a conversation with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend. I don't even know his name."

"Then did we interrupt a conversation with your sugar daddy?" Seungmin smirked while Jisung and Felix giggled. 

"It's not like that either."

"Then what is it like?"

Chan paused and then sighed. "I don't know. We've only been talking for a few days, but I feel like we've already known each other for years. Talking to him is just so easy. And I always feel happy after our conversations."

"Be careful though. You don't actually know who he is, and he could end up screwing you over. We don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be fine. I trust him."

"After a few days?"

"...yes."

"Still, be careful." 

"Look at this, my dongsaengs giving me advice? I promise, hyung's got this."

 

Friday 2:24 AM

chan: i can't sleep

bear: DANNA DANNA DANNA DANNA SO TELL ME

bear: why can't you sleep

bear: is something on your mind?

chan: yeah, actually-you

chan: i've been thinking about something my friends said earlier

chan: we were talking about you and they're worried you'll end up hurting me

chan: cause i don't know who you are

chan: you could end up being a catfish or just want money or a blackmailer or idk a fuckboy that's just messing with me for fun

chan: i really don't want you to be any of those things

chan: please don't be any of those things

bear: whoa okay

bear: i can't prove that i'm not any of those things

bear: i'm afraid i don't carry a card of identification that proves i'm not a criminal

bear: but i can tell you that every conversation we've had the past few days has made me really happy

bear: i don't have that many friends

bear: there's like a total of 2 and that's not even an exaggeration

bear: but i really like talking to you and i want to keep you in my life

bear: i want to tell you my name but i also don't because i'm scared

bear: talking to you like this is so easy and fun and i'm worried that in real life the magic will go away and it won't be special anymore and i really do think i won't live up to your expectations. i'm scared you won't want to talk to me anymore once you really know me. and i know you can say that won't happen but you can't promise that

bear: i will tell you my name eventually

bear: but not yet

bear: is that okay

chan: yeah

bear: i'm sorry

bear: i don't blame you if you don't trust me

chan: no it's not that

chan: i'm mad at myself because i do trust you even though i know it's not wise because you could be lying. but then i'm mad at myself for thinking the worst of you

chan: i don't know

chan: i really want to trust you

chan: but i'm scared too

chan: ugh i'm sorry i've ruined everything now haven't i

chan: we're having a serious conversation we've never done that before

bear: no you're fine it's good that we're having a serious conversation. i'm glad you told me you felt like this

bear: i want to be honest about my feelings with people i care about

chan: ...you care about me uwu

bear: yeah i do stupid

bear: so are we okay?

chan: yeah we're okay

chan: but i want to get to know you better

chan: favorite food, movie, TV show, book, animal, and color. go!

bear: okay favorite TV show still on the air, or of all time?

bear: also obviously one of my favorite animals is a bear, but i can't pick just one. we gotta put it in categories. favorite mammal, amphibian, reptile, bird, insect, arachnid-there's too many i can't pick just one

chan: ooh boy this is going to be a long night isn't it

bear: yes

bear: is that okay?

chan: a night talking to you? that's heaven

bear: uwu

chan: YOU SAID UWU

chan: UWUWUWUWUWU BEAR SAID UWU UWUUUUUUU

bear: shut up stupid

bear: anyway my favorites

 

Friday 10: 43 AM

bear: i'm still exhausted from last night

chan: oof now that's an innuendo

bear: DSFBFBUIFBUBIUE

bear: SHUT UP CHANNIE

chan: heehee never

bear: ANYWAYS i had fun staying up getting to know you

chan: i had fun too!

chan: i enjoyed arguing over which is the best ninja turtle

bear: you know it's okay you're entitled to your wrong opinion

chan: rafael doesn't deserve this

bear: NEITHER DOES MICHAELANGELO

bear: 14 year old baby gay me would be saddened to know i'm lowkey crushing on a boy who thinks the worst ninja turtle is better than michaelangelo

chan: WAIT A MINUTWV WBDBFSBFBF

chan: CRUSHING????

chan: YOU'RE CRUSHING ON ME????

chan: and it hasn't even been a week damn kim are you sure i'm the hoe here?

bear: fine i'm the hoe but you're the bottom

chan: i disagree with that strongly

bear: shut up i'll literally top you

chan: um

bear: i win

"Oof!'

Chan collided with something solid and fell to the ground, his phone slipping out of his grip as he collapsed. He had been texting and walking and hadn't realized there was a person right in front of him.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly to the victim of his clumsiness. The boy-Woojin-was someone Chan knew only by association (Seungmin was roommates with Hyunjin, who was best friends with Woojin and was rarely seen without) and had never actually spoken to.

"That's okay," Woojin said softly. He stood up and offered a hand to help Chan up. Chan took it gratefully.

"Thanks."

Chan bent over and picked up his phone and Woojin's, whose seemed to have fallen in the crash as well. Chan handed the other phone to Woojin, who nodded and walked away. Chan wanted to keep talking to Bear, but he didn't want any more accidents, so he decided it could wait until he was sitting down in Philosophy.

Friday 10: 48 AM

bear: i gotta go i have class 

bear: but i'll text you tonight after i finish my homework

chan: ok get that school energy you studious boy!

 

Saturday 12:01 AM

chan: liar

bear: what

chan: you said you'd text me tonight and you didn't

bear: wow clingy are we

bear: but i said i'd talk to you after i finished my homework and i never finished it

chan: oh dear why not?

bear: cause it's stressing me out

bear: i may or may not have had a mini panic attack but i'm fine now

chan: oh no! are you sure you're okay? i can send pictures of baby bears to make you feel happy and soothed if needed

bear: i'm okay, my friend comforted me and made me take a break so i feel better now

bear: but can i get baby bear pics anyway?

chan: ofc darling

chan: Attachment: 97 Images

bear: 97 images

bear: do you just have 97 pictures of baby bears in your camera roll

chan: no but i had to do 97 cause that's our number!

bear: you're so extra channie

chan: thank you

chan: but just so you know

chan: if you ever need to talk

chan: i'm here and you can always come to me

bear: i know

bear: thank you

chan: that's what friends are for :)

chan: or whatever we are

chan: people that are mutually crushing on each other

bear:

bear: m-mutually?

chan: heehee

bear: um

bear: okay

bear: uh

bear: if you hear screaming and squealing from across campus don't be alarmed it's just me, dying

chan: uwu

chan: i love how easy it is to make you shy and flustered

bear: mean

bear: you find my distress amusing

chan: hey i feel like we're even now

chan: you've been mean before

bear: maybe so

bear: i'm getting tired now i'm going to get ready for bed

chan: running away to hide from your sins coward

bear: whatever

bear: i'll talk to you when i wake up

chan: yeah you better

chan: but sleep well <3

 

Saturday 10:32 AM

bear: good morning

chan: goooooooood MORNING GOOD MORNING ITS GREAT TO STAY UP LATE GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING TO YOU

bear: ....

bear: ??????

chan: it's a song from an american movie i like-maybe we can watch it together eventually

chan: anyway HI

bear: hello

bear: you seem hyper

chan: i'm always hyper

bear: h o w

bear: you're a college kid that doesn't sleep

chan: there's just a lot be excited & happy about

bear: your optimism is fascinating

chan: scientist bear???

chan: we stan an intellectual

bear: you're too nice to me 

chan: deal with it baby

bear: i'm too shy to be all flirty like you but i want to 

chan: if you would like to shower me in compliments be my guest

bear: hm

bear: um

bear: how do you do this

bear: you're...really adorable

bear: and sweet

bear: and talented

bear: and kind

bear: and funnt

bear: and cool

bear: sorry that was lame idek what that was

chan: sbuafubuiefbufuewuiew

chan: no baby it was lovely uwu

chan: thank you

chan: ugh you're so soft!!!!1!

chan: i want to hug you i bet you're a great hugger

bear: i wanna hug you too

bear: and...cuddle

chan: U FUCKING WU

chan: my heart is threatening to burst because it's overflowing with glitter

bear: oh not glitter i hate glitter it gets everywhere and never goes away

chan: okay then my heart is overflowing with rainbows!

bear: better also more fitting cause we're gay

bear: thank you

chan: you're welcome *tips hat*

bear: wow what a gentleman

chan: i detect your sarcasm

bear: oh no i've been compromised

chan: gasp secret agent bear?

bear: i wish i could have one of those cool personas you imagine for me but i'm just an average college kid who dreams of being an idol

chan: you want to become an idol?

bear: yeah once i graduate i'm going to try auditioning for some companies

bear: and pray i get accepted to train somewhere

bear: and hope real hard i'm good enough to get chosen to debut

bear: it's a long shot but its what i wanna do

bear: you don't judge me for it do you? i know it sounds kind of stupid

chan: no, not at all! it's what i want to do too!

chan; but more specifically, i want to put together a group

chan: i want to be the leader

chan: i already have some friends who i know want to be a part of it and they plan to try and becoming idols too after they graduate

chan: maybe you could join our team

chan: you've got a stunning voice

bear; i'd like that

bear: thank you

bear: hate to ruin the sweet moment but i gotta go my friend's yelling at me

chan: tell them not to yell it's not good for the baby

bear: what baby

chan: you

chan: ;)

bear: 

bear: DSBUFSBUIEWBUIFBFIEBFE WHY

 

Saturday 7:03 PM

chan: i've made an interesting discovery

bear: what is it

chan: if you actually sleep you won't be tired later

bear: yeah stupid i know

bear: everyone knew that but you

chan: shut up im an insomniac with few brain cells trying his best

bear: what am i going to do with you channie

chan: whatever you want to do baby ;)

bear: UM

bear: UH

bear: so i don't die can we keep it PG please

bear: i'm a responsible adult and not a hoe i can't carry on like this

chan: you're lowkey crushing on me and we've only been talking for 6 days you sure you're not a hoe

bear: so are you!

bear: and you said i was yours in our second conversation

chan: ...i did do those things

bear: so i win you're the hoe

chan: never i shall never admit defeat

bear: you have before

bear: when you called me oso

chan: that was just you winning the battle, but i had not surrendered the war

bear: i feel like surrendered is either not a word or that is not how you use it

chan: i just asked my roommate to check if it was grammatically correct and he said it was

bear: i didn't know you were sharing a room with a grammar savant

chan: damn you've got high standards for judging whether or not a word was used right

bear: grammar is not a laughing matter

chan: i wanted to make a joke about laughing gas but i wasn't able to come up with anything that made sense

bear: nothing you just said makes sense

chan: shut up im tired

bear: i though you got sleep and weren't tired

chan: that was chan of five minutes ago chan of now is ready to fall asleep at his desk

bear: then go sleep stupid

chan: okayyyyy

chan: ttyl

chan: byeeee

bear: bye

 

Sunday 2:31 AM

chan: i just woke

bear: up?

chan: no that was the whole sentence

bear: that's not grammatically correct

chan: nobody cares

bear: i do!!

chan: exactly

bear: RUDE

bear: the disrespect

bear: the audacity

bear: the NERVE

chan: are you done

bear: yeah im okay now

bear: anyway are you feeling less tired?

chan: yeah i think that's the first time i've gotten more than 5 hours of sleep at once since i hit puberty

bear: lol i'm glad

bear: was there something that made it easier to get to sleep? so you can do it again the next time you have insomnia

chan: i guess i felt more motivated to sleep cause you told me to

bear: i can't decide if that's supposed to be sweet or kinky

chan: it's supposed to be sweet stupid

bear: uh no you don't call me stupid i call you stupid

chan: so you get all the nice pet names like darling and baby and i get stupid

bear: i never told you to call me nice pet names that was your choice you can call me mean ones to make us even just not stupid that one has been claimed

chan: alright then meanie

bear: you are 5 years old

chan: i know

chan: isn't it adorable? <3

bear: eh

chan: oh no

bear: what

chan: i've realized something

chan: i still like you when you're being mean and acting like you don't like me

chan: i've got it bad

chan: and it hasn't even been a week bear!!!

chan: do you know how irresistible that makes you?

bear: how are you so nice to me

chan: we've talked about this

chan: i just want to be

bear: you're a really good person

bear: oh no i like you a lot a lot too

chan: so let's meet in real life!!!

bear: it's too soon

chan: fine

chan: i don't want to push you

chan: but i also wanna cuddle you already

bear: i wanna cuddle too

bear: but now it's even harder...i like you so much its scary and we haven't known each other that long

bear: that means it would be extra devastating if we meet in real life and it's awkward and we stop talking and lose this

chan: no one's awkward around me

chan: i bring out the outgoing, social, friendly, talkative part of a person's soul every time i interact with one

bear: every time you interact with a soul?

chan: no with a person dummy

bear: sorry that's bordering on stupid i'm afraid you have to go back to meanie official copyright strike

chan: fine *meanie

chan: happy now

bear: yes :)

chan: uwu

chan: how are finals going for you btw? cause i'm horrible at studying so i'm pretty sure i'll fail most of them but you know i'll make do

bear: ugh i could not be more stressed

bear: i'm drowning in work and it's a miracle i'm alive

chan: school stuff really makes you anxious huh

bear: yeah it really does

bear: it always has

chan: i want to protect you from it

chan: i want to keep you from feeling bad

chan: i want you to be happy and chill

bear: thanks angel

bear: but you can't always get what you want

chan: first of all

chan: YOU CALLED ME ANGEL YOU GAVE ME A NICE PET NAME UWUWUWUWUWU HEY MUM CAN WE CHANGE MY LEGAL NAME TO ANGEL PLEASE

chan: second of all

chan: was that an intentional rolling stone reference

bear: maybe

chan: BUT IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES 

bear: YOU JUST MIGHT FIND

chan: YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED

chan: i wouldn't expect you to know that song it's old & american

bear: i know its weird i can't even remember how i know that song

chan: fate? destiny? 

bear: do you even believe in that stuff?

chan: hmmmm....i don't think so cause that makes everything seem too easy. like the idea of fate and destiny is like a path has been decided for you and you're gonna follow it and meet these people that are going to be in your life. but in reality life is a lot about sacrifice and when someone is important to you you're constantly making choices and actively trying to keep them around, instead of destiny making it so they're always there for you. i believe we have free will and we carve out our own paths

bear: uh

bear: whoa

bear: you're gonna need a new nickname

bear: you're like actually an intellectual

chan: heehee

chan: you called me angel earlier that was really cute i liked that

bear: whatever you want angel

chan: i'm so soft

bear: UGH how are you so awesome?

bear: you're super friendly and caring and funny and like you're actually really insightful and talented like you've got it all

chan: you're gonna make me blush

beat: and you're really cute ugh i'm in pain

bear: i like you so much

chan: i really like you too!

bear: how has it only been 6 days since we started talking

chan: we've over been this darling, time is fake

bear: then maybe waiting until i feel ready to meet you irl won't be too long

chan: i hope so

chan: i've never wanted to cuddle someone so badly

bear: me either uwu

chan: well i got class in 4 hours

chan: i should try to be well rested for it

bear: yeah you should

bear: sweet dreams angel

chan: you've evolved so much this past week, bear

 

Monday 4:09 PM

chan: happy anniversary!

bear: has it at last been a week since our first conversation

bear: it's been the longest week of my life

bear: in a good way

bear: how did we get comfortable with each other so fast?

chan: we were meant to be

bear: i thought you didn't believe in that

chan: i'm constantly changing bear keep up

chan: life moves on and so do i let me grow

bear: okay go ahead and grow you little plant

bear: you funky succulent

bear: i think if you were a plant you wouldn't be a flower they're boring so you're a succulent

chan: do succulents count as plants? i thought they were in their own category

bear: probably

bear: just go with it

chan: alright darling

bear: anyway what are you doing rn?

chan: looking at pics of my dog and being sad cause i miss her

bear: omg i love dogs

bear: what's her name? and what breed is she?

chan: her name's berry and she's a king charles spaniel

chan: Attachment: 4 Images

bear: oh she's so lovely!!!

bear: i now miss her although i've never met her

bear: when was the last time you were in australia?

chan: i visited this past summer

bear: do you wish you were still living there?

chan: no i'm happy living here

chan: but i miss my family (that includes berry) and i miss, idk, home

chan: but if i moved back there i would miss my friends and my life here

chan: so no matter what i miss something but it's okay

bear: when's the next time you're planning to go visit?

chan: probably Christmas

bear: i'm sorry you have to wait so long to feel at home

chan: i mean i feel at home here too

chan: they're different homes

chan: like this home has my roommate and his freckles that i get to poke every morning

chan: and getting boba right after class and inevitably being late but i always get my professor a boba too so they excuse me for being late

chan: and writing songs with my other friends

chan: and walking past Seoul Tower

bear: what's your australian home like?

chan: hot, sunny, beaches, feeling cozy and secure

chan: my mom's hugs and berry trying to kiss me and working out with my dad

chan: playing with my little brother & having long talks with my younger sister

chan: i love my two homes for different reasons and i don't like one better than the other-they're both special to me

chan: what about you? what's home to you?

bear: i'm from bucheon but home to me is...

bear: anime and webtoons

bear: music-listening to it, singing, playing the piano and guitar

bear: video games

bear: hugging a stuffed animal

bear: eating chicken

bear: my best friend's laugh-his laugh is really cute

bear: and cuddling

chan: yeah it's not really a place, is it?

bear: definitely, it's a feeling

bear: a place doesn't have permanence, like houses can always get torn down

bear: and you can live somewhere that doesn't feel like home

bear: but it's when your chest is warm and you feel completely safe

chan: i love that

chan: this is such a wholesome conversation for us

bear: lol ikr

bear: not that i don't love our constant teasing but i like getting to know what you think about things

chan: same here

chan: i have to go-my friends are forcing me to study with them but i'll see you later for another philosophical discussion?

bear: lol i'd like that

bear: happy studying angel

chan: thanks love

bear: ;)


	2. The Second Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I really appreciate all your lovely comments on the first chapter; they've made me so happy. this story was inspired by matryoshkaa's woochan texting fics and matryoshkaa commented on my chapter, which feels like an honor tbh. and if you're reading this matryoshkaa, hi! ily your writing so much & i can't properly express how much your support means to me.  
> i hope you enjoy this! it's like twice as long and a lot of stuff happens so buckle in kids

Tuesday 1:12 PM

prince hyunjinnie: can i come over

baby bear: no i'm trying to learn a new song on the guitar & you'll distract me

prince hyunjinnie: i have chicken

baby bear:

baby bear: fine

prince hyunjinnie: yay ok be there in fifteen

 

"When did fifteen become code for for thirty?" Woojin opened the door and ushered Hyunjin into his dorm room. Hyunjin plopped down onto the empty bed of Woojin's roommate.

"Okay, so when I said I have chicken, I meant that I would bring chicken, because in all honesty I didn't have it yet, but I got it so I could come here!" Hyunjin pulled a plastic and tinfoil container of chicken out of a paper bag and handed it to Woojin.

Woojin smiled softly. "I didn't know you liked my company so much to go to that trouble." Woojin and Hyunjin had been best friends for six months now, but Woojin still needed reminders every once in a while that Hyunjin really loved him and saw him as a brother.

"Of course I do! But I also needed to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" Woojin asked as he opened the container and sat down on his own bed across from Hyunjin.

"Hello? Your new significant other!"

"What?"

"You've obviously started dating someone in the past week. I see you giggling and blushing at your phone the way you blush around your crushes. So tell me about them! Boy, girl, or neither? What's their name? Have you mentioned me?"

Woojin raised a hand to put a pause on Hyunjin's babbling and finished chewing before responding.

"I have started talking to this guy, but we're not dating. I don't even know who he is in real life. We met on the university chatroom and exchanged phone numbers. We've been texting ever since." 

"Do you know his name?"

"Chan."

Hyunjin gasped and his eyes widened. "Oh my GOD, hyung, this is perfect! He's-"

"Nope. Stop. Don't say anything else. I don't want to know who he is."

Hyunjin's excitement slipped away and his expression morphed into confusion.

"Why not?"

"Because it's just easier this way. For now. I'm not ready to know what he looks like or if I know him or anything. Right now, just chatting and having simple banter...it's fun. And nice. And I'm scared if we meet for real it'll be awkward and we'll lose the easy magic we've had in our conversations since we started talking. So I'm going to wait to try and find him. Okay?"

Hyunjin nodded gloomily. "Okay. I was excited for you to get a boyfriend, but if you're sure."

"We'll be boyfriends eventually. Just not right now."

"You seem very confident about that. Interesting."

Woojin shrugged, a smirk on his face. "He's made it pretty clear that he'd like to go out, so I think it won't be hard to make it official."

"I'm rooting for you, hyung."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Now wash your hands and show me the song you're learning. Is it DAY6 again?"

Woojin grinned. "You know it," he said as he walked to the bathroom.

 

Tuesday 1:52 PM

bear: hi

chan: hewwo

chan: what are you up to

bear: eating

chan: chicken?

bear: Attachment: 1 Image  
we have a winner

chan: is that a loona poster i see on your wall in the background?

bear: ...maybe

chan: heehee who's your bias?

bear: chuu who's yours

chan: yves

chan: do you stan all 3 units? i'm only into xxyy i can't keep up with them all

bear: same i barely know the names of all the xxyy members let alone the 8 others

chan: if the team i'm assembling to try & become idols with me works out we'll only be half of the size of loona

bear: how many of you are there?

chan: including me, 6

chan: but if you join as a singer, there could be 7

bear: i have a friend who's a dancer & he likes to rap too can he join

chan: why not the more the merrier

chan: also question

bear: yeah

chan: you said you had literally 2 friends & that wasn't an exaggeration

chan: but you've mentioned a friend with a really cute laugh, a friend who comforted you after a panic attack, a friend who was yelling at you and the friend you mentioned just now who likes to rap and dance-is this all 1 friend

bear:

bear: yes

chan: aww

bear: ugh

chan: what?

bear: it's embarrassing i have no social life

chan: not everyone can be a ppl person like me & quality is better than quantity-better to have a small amount of best friends than a bunch of ppl who say they adore you when they're fake as fuck

bear: how is it some moments you have -2 brain cells and in some you have an infinite number

chan: a magician never reveals his secrets

bear: i told my 1 friend-the same one as before, we'll call him J-about the wisdom you just dropped and he just said "that just opened my 3rd eye"

chan: 3rd eye huh

chan: wait 

chan: i think you just gave me a song idea

bear: what are you waiting for? go write!

chan: ok thank you ttyl bye

 

Tuesday 6:34 PM

chan: wow ok i just got back from the studio-we wrote a song based off the idea you gave me it's called 3rd eye

bear: that's so awesome!! can i hear it? also who's we

chan: oh me & 2 of my friends that i write songs with a lot. they're also a part of the potential idol group i want to lead and form-we'll call them S and B

bear: taking my initial idea are ya? unoriginal

bear: but you know what's not unoriginal? this song 

bear: i already know it's great so may i hear it

chan: i don't have it in my phone but tmw i'll send it to you

bear: yay thank you!

chan: for a price

bear:

bear: where is this going

chan: you send me another recording of you singing! and you play guitar or piano as you sing

bear: i actually learned a new song on the guitar today so okay

chan: yay! your voice was so pretty last time i go back and listen to that recording a lot

bear: really?

chan: yeah your voice is stunning

bear: thank you

bear: i bet you're a great leader for your team you're really good at making people feel appreciated & special

chan: awww thank you that made me so happy 

chan: i just texted my group chat with all of my idol group to ask if they agreed with you and they said yes i'm a good leader

bear: how many friends do you have

chan: in total, and including you, 7-everyone in my idol group lol

bear: at least you're still in single digits i'm not too much of a loser

chan: you're not a loser you're just shy and that's cute

bear: you don't have to make everything into a compliment about me but go off i guess

chan: do you not enjoy being complimented?

bear: it's nice i just never know what to do with myself after a pretty boy thinks i'm cute or smart or something

chan: how do you know i'm pretty you don't know what i look like

bear i have a feeling

bear: and even if you look like a hunchback or something you have a pretty personality & soul

chan: that's the cheesiest lamest thing you've ever said to me

bear: and i bet you loved it

chan: you know i did baby ;)

 

Tuesday 11:03 PM

bear: hi

chan: hey you disappeared

chan: you don't have a hot date or something do you

bear: HA as if

bear: no just put my phone on do not disturb cause J was babbling about his crush and i'm too single to deal with it right now

chan: hmmm

chan: ok so i have a weird dilemma

bear: what's up

chan: we both like each other and want to go on a date...right?

bear: lol yes chan i want to go on a date with you

chan: ok but what if someone asks one of us out or we start to like someone else before you feel ready for us to meet irl

bear: if you want to go on a date with someone else that's fine with me

bear: we're not dating

chan: ...yet

bear: i wish there was an emoji for when you're rolling your eyes but also smiling

chan: %)

bear: that does not work at all

chan: i'm just a little boy trying his best

bear: ok fine your effort is appreciated

chan: thank you

chan: finally getting some respect around here

bear: %)

chan: you love me

bear: that's a strong word buy me food and i'll consider it 

chan: did you just ask me out???

bear: we just confirmed that we wanted to go out with each other

chan: yeah but no one asked anyone else and now you've asked me. you made the move that was very confident of you i love your initiative

bear: %)

bear: you just always try to find any excuse to compliment me and it's...idk you know what whatever it's cute

chan: you're cute

bear: thank you

chan; i bet you're cute physically too

chan: describe what you look like

bear: idk pretty basic

bear: black hair, dark brown eyes, round face

bear: wbu

chan: blond hair, (i bleached it) brown eyes, short

bear: aw will you have to reach up to kiss me? that's cute

chan: fefuwuhugebghbghbgygbweygyweg

chan: you wanna kissss meeeee you loooooooove meeee

bear: shut up

chan: heeheehee NEVER

bear: how tall are you anyway i'm not that tall so we might be the same height

chan: 171 cm

bear: yeah i'm pretty close to that

chan: maybe i cannot fulfill your fantasies of having a tiny boyfriend

bear: boyfriend?

bear: also bold of you to assume i have fantasies of having a tiny boyfriend

chan: sorry

chan: that was hasty and presumptuous

chan: but...what do you think about us being boyfriend?

bear: i don't want to promise anything to soon

bear: i really like talking to you and getting to know you

bear: and i want to go on a date with you and cuddle and kiss you

bear: but being your boyfriend...being in a relationship...like actually dating you and only you...its a lot

bear: do you remember when i said i had never dated anyone before?

chan: yeah

bear: sometimes it feels like i'm the only person ever who didn't date as a teenager

bear: ppl usually make fun of me when i don't know how to do things

bear: so i've been careful about who i want my first partner to be...they have to be someone i can trust & i know won't tease me about the fact that i'm inexperienced

bear: i don't know you well enough yet to trust you like that but i want to

bear: you've been so nice so far that i know you probably wouldn't be like that

bear: but i want to make sure

chan: i completely understand

chan: whenever you're ready

chan: i'll wait for you

bear: that feels so dramatic

chan: i'm a dramatic bitch get used to it

bear: %)

 

Wednesday 7:27 AM

chan: in other news, i am unfortunately now awake 

bear: i felt that one chief

bear: i think i'm going to finally take you up on that coffee suggestion

chan: it only took a week but now i've drawn you to the dark side

bear: how do you take your coffee? it's not that i've never drank it before i've just barely had it so idk how i like it

chan: with milk & 2 sugars

bear: ok that's what i'll do

bear: my verdict is that hot chocolate is better

chan: that's fair

chan: what's your favorite beverage

bear: white wine

bear: and you?

chan: that was such a sophisticated answer

chan: soju

bear: oh i haven't had that in so long

bear: i barely go out

chan: that doesn't surprise me

chan: you don't seem like a party animal

bear: is that a bad thing?

chan: no you're valid

bear: so instead of party animal am i a valid animal?

chan: sure

chan: oh i've got to go-my friends are having relationship drama  
remember i told you about B and S? well B and Y (he's my freckly roommate) like each other but are too chicken to admit it & S likes M (i haven't mentioned him yet but yeah he exists) and M wants to be with S but M hasn't come out-he wants to but he's scared

bear: shove Y and B in a closet together & lock the door and don't let them out until they confess and then help M get out of the closet

chan: lol will do bye

bear: good luck

 

Wednesday 10:26 AM

seungmin: hey this is seungmin from english

woojin: hi

woojin: do you want to get started on the project?

seungmin: yeah what's your email? i started writing something i can share it with you if you tell me your email

woojin: my dorm has terrible wifi and they started renovating the library so i can't go there

woojin: can we work at your place?

seungmin: sure i'm free after 2

woojin: i'll be there at 3

seungmin: ok see you later

 

"Hyunjin, can you get that?"

Hyunjn opened the door to see Woojin standing in the doorway. He grinned delightedly.

"Now what are you doing here, you rascal? No complaint from me, but you usually tell me you're coming before you arrive."

Woojin rolled his eyes, and then thought of Chan and his weird emoji and smiled.

"I'm here to work on a project for english with your roommate."

"I'm here!" Seungmin emerged from the bathroom adjacent to his and Hyunjin's room.

"Let's sit on my bed."

Woojin and Seungmin ignored Hyunjin's mischievous smile at the implications of the statement. Seungmin opened his laptop and pulled up the document he'd started working on for the project. He gave the laptop to Woojin sitting beside him, who took it and placed it on his lap. But before he could start reading, his phone buzzed.

 

chan: WHEW okay dealt with Y and B those two are a handful but they're a couple now finally we won't have to deal with their awkward sexual tension

 

"You're smiling in a special way, hyung. Is it lover boy?" Hyunjin bounced over to try and read the text, but Woojin clutched his phone to his chest.

"Lover boy?" Seungmin raised his eyebrows.

"Woojin hyung met some guy on the college chatroom last week and they've been talking every day since. I can always tell when he texted Woojin cause hyung always smiles in a way that he never smiles otherwise and starts blushing.:

Woojin, unfortunately, proved Hyunjin's point right when his cheeks went pink.

"Wait. You met on the chatroom?"

"Yeah."

"Is...is his name Chan?"

"Uh...yeah. How did you know?"

Seungmin's hands flew to his mouth. "Oh my god. Oh my god. You're Bear. Holy shit. Oh my god!!!!"

"Are you...friends with Chan or something?"

"Yes! Yes, he's one of my best friends! He hasn't been able to stop talking about you and this is awesome! I can tell him who you are and you can meet and date!"

"No!"

Seungmin had been about to leap out of his bed, but he stopped.

"Why not?"

Woojin took a deep breath and got ready to explain for the millionth time when Hyunjin interrupted. 

"Because he's an insecure coward who thinks things will be awkward if they meet in real life and talking won't come as easily as texting does so they'll lose each other completely."

"...okay, yeah. What he said."

Seungmin slumped. "So are you never going to tell him who you are?"

"I'll tell him eventually."

Seungmin tilted his head and frowned, as if to say, "that's not going to cut it."

Woojin rolled his eyes. "I'll tell him...in five weeks. Okay? Are you happy? Five weeks. By my birthday, he'll know who I am. And I'll know who he is, too. I know his name, but I don't know what he looks like."

A knock was heard at the door.

"Minnie? Are you there? It's Chan hyung."

Woojin's face paled and he turned back to Hyunjin and Seungmin with terror in his features.

"What's he doing here?"

"Oh fuck, I totally forgot. I left my phone charger at his dorm yesterday and asked him to bring his back. Hold on, this won't take long."

Seungmin got out of his bed and walked to the door. 

"Hyung! Hi, thank you for bringing my charger back! I'll see you later!"

"Hold on, I want to say hi to Hyunjin. What, are you trying to hide something?" Chan paused to gasp dramatically, and Woojin's heart squeezed. Seungmin only had the door open enough for him to stand in the frame, so Woojin couldn't see Chan, but he knew he looked so cute right now.

"Did you and Hyunjinnie finally hook up?"

Seungmin choked and Woojin turned dramatically to Hyunjin, raising his eyebrows to his hairline. The younger's face was crimson.

"N-no, just...its just a mess, you know-" 

"Pfft, like I care. You've seen me and Felix's room, you know what slobs we are. Let me in."

Before Seungmin could say another excuse, Chan pushed his way past him and came into the room.

And Woojin stopped breathing.  
He of course, had imagined what Chan looked like. But now things were different. Because now Woojin realized he had seen Chan around, just never knew his name. And Woojin had stared at him longingly more times than he could count because, well, Chan was hot. So hot that Woojin had ran into objects and people because he was distracted by Chan. Woojin not only knew who Chan was, but he'd had a crush on him. (Based on his physical appearance.)  
Woojin had been texting with a ridiculously hot guy he'd lusted over for at least a year. And this guy wanted to go on a date with Woojin. Wanted to kiss Woojin. Wanted to be Woojin's boyfriend.  
Woojin didn't know how he didn't pass out then and there, to be honest.

"Hi, Hyunjinnie! How have you been?" Chan hugged Hyunjin tightly, and over his shoulder, locked eyes with Woojin sitting on Seungmin's bed. 

"Oh, hey! Woojin, right? Sorry for bumping into you the other day."

"N-no problem," Woojin mumbled. He wanted to be all the things Chan saw in him during their text conversations, but he didn't know how to be like that in real life. So he stayed frozen.

"Uh I've been good, hyung. You're not working yourself too hard, right?" Hyunjin tried to direct Chan's attention back to him, as he could tell Woojin was panicking.

"Don't worry about me, I'm alright. Remember to look after yourself too, okay? Freshman year is tough."

"I will. But take your advice once in a while, okay?"

"Sure thing. It was nice seeing you again." Chan turned to Woojin and flashed him a blinding smile, which made Woojin melt and send Chan a dopey one in return, which made Chan chuckle softly. Woojin felt dizzy.

"I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you around."

Chan grinned and shrugged his shoulders up. He walked back to the door where Seungmin waited and gave him a hug and they said their goodbyes. It wasn't until the door shut behind Chan that Woojin let himself exhale.

"This is terrible." Woojin collapsed back and fell onto the bed.

"Terrible? What do you mean, that was great!"

"It's terrible because now I know who he actually is but he doesn't know who I am so now I feel guilty that I know and he doesn't but what just happened proved my worst fears-I don't know how to talk to him face to face."

Woojin paused to shove his face in Seungmin's pillow. "Uggggghhhhhh!"

"Hyung, calm down. Interacting with him in real life can't be that bad, can it?"

Before Woojin could respond, his phone buzzed.

 

Wednesday 3:17 PM

chan: i know we said we aren't dating and stuff but i feel like i low key just cheated on you cause i ran into an acquaintance and when i saw him i realized how cute he is...sorry for being attracted to someone that wasn't you

chan: or maybe that was you who knows i definitely don't

chan: hold on i'm going to ask someone that knows him better than i do if his last name is kim

 

Seungmin's phone buzzed.

 

Wednesday 3:18 PM

channie hyung: is woojin's last name kim

 

Seungmin showed Woojin the message and the elder groaned.

"Can I tell him?"

"Ugh. Fine."

 

dandy seungminnie: yes

 

Woojin's phone buzzed again.

 

chan: ok his last name is kim now i just need to find out his opinions on the ninja turtles and this whole masquerade will come to an end

 

Woojin whined. He sighed and then responded to Chan's text.

 

bear: but I like masquerade balls i think they're cool

chan: don't try to change the subject was that me.

 

Woojin paused, sighed guiltily, and then decided to play dumb.

 

bear: i don't know what's that other kim's name

chan: woojin

bear: sorry not me

 

Woojin's chest ached. He felt horrible. He didn't want to banter with Chan. He didn't want to gush about his feelings to Hyunjin and Seungmin. He wanted to curl up in a ball and sob, because now he was lying to Chan, and he felt terrible about it. If Woojin didn't lose Chan because conversations between them were too awkward in real life, he'd definitely lose Chan for being a selfish, cowardly manipulator.

 

Wednesday 6:32 PM

chan: bear

chan: you can't ignore me forever

chan: did i do something wrong? i'm sorry if i did

chan: i'm sorry if me trying to guess who you are made you scared or uncomfortable i'll stop that and just wait for you to tell me when you're ready

chan: but please talk to me

bear: sorry

bear: you didn't do anything wrong

bear: i'm just a terrible person

chan: now that's definitely not true

chan: you're a terrible bear

bear: %)

chan: but really whatever you did that made you a supposedly terrible person can't be that bad what's up

bear: i lied to someone i care about because i'm a selfish coward 

chan: is the situation life or death?

bear: no

chan: this person will probably forgive you then

bear: those are sort of low standards don't you think

bear: "you lied to me but it didn't cost anyone's life so i'll forgive you" like i'm not sure about that

chan: ok i'm probably not the best person to ask about this cause i forgive ppl really easily

bear: of course you do angel cause you're a lovely person

chan: aww thank you

chan: but don't be too hard on yourself

chan: we all fuck up and we're all selfish sometimes-this person might be mad at you for a bit but they'll probably get over it eventually. if they really care about you and want you to be in their life then they'll forgive you. and if they don't, then maybe that person isn't meant to be in your life. which hurts, but you'll be okay. but let's not get ahead of ourselves

bear: how are you so fucking WISE 

bear: i can't fucking handle this you're just an incredible human being

chan: i feel warm inside

bear: it makes me giddy to know i make you happy

chan: you're so cute

bear: you're cuter ;)

bear: but really thank you for the advice

bear: i feel better now

chan: i'm glad 

bear: i'm going to go have dinner 

bear: but i'll talk to you later

chan: ok go feed

 

Wednesday 8:10 PM

bear: ok i'm back i went to a friend's house cause i don't have class tomorrow (i only have english and songwriting on thursdays and both my professors canceled yeet) and he's on break so we hung out for the first time in a while

chan: what's his initial?

bear: I is his initial-him and J are my 2 sole friends

bear: he's a senior in high school-i know him cause he was classmates with J, who's a freshman here

bear: he actually sings too can he join your team

chan: sure

chan: aw he'll be the maknae! our previous maknae is someone i haven't told you about but we'll call him S2

chan: he'd be excited cause he loves having dongsaengs

bear: aw that's really sweet

bear: but hold on i gotta make sure all of your friends straight

chan: bold of you to assume any of us are straight

bear: i'm going to ignore that lame, overdone joke

chan: meanie

bear: so there's S, B, Y, S2, and M

chan: yup

chan: M's a junior and B's a sophmore, the rest are freshman

chan: S and B are the ones i write songs with-they're rappers

chan: Y's a dancer-he can also rap & beatbox

chan: M's a dancer-he can rap and sing though

chan: S2's a singer

bear: i mentioned that J is a rapper & dancer, right? and like i just said, I is a singer

chan: yeah i think we'll be a good team

bear: do you have a name yet?

chan: no we're sort of lost on that front

bear: maybe lost could be a part of your name

bear: or something like that what are synonyms for lost

chan: astray?

bear: lol the strays-like you're dogs

chan: idk there's something there

chan: i'll think about it

chan: i'm going to go take a shower and try to go to sleep at a responsible hour since i have class ridiculously early tmw

bear: damn i can't believe you're going to bed at a responsible hour by choice-for like the second time this week too

chan: remember when i said i was constantly evolving? it remains true

bear: fucking superb you funky little pokemon

chan: lol goodnight

bear: night

 

Thursday 6:47 AM

chan: bear!!!!

bear: what!!!!

chan: i slept! all night! aren't you proud of meeee

bear: yes i am!

chan: bear of last week would have made a snarky comment about how technically not all night cause it's not even 7 am

bear: you're not the only one who can evolve

chan: you got me there

chan: UGGGGHHHH i have math for my first class i'm depressed

chan: what's your schedule like today

bear: i don't have any classes today, remember?

chan: oh yeah you did mention that last night ugh lucky

chan: it's a shame i don't have a day off i really want to get some songwriting done

bear: with B and S?

chan: no this is a song i wanna write...on my own

bear: why did you make that all mysterious with the ellipses

chan: i didn't

bear: yes you did you clearly want me to ask why you wanna write the song alone

chan: 

chan: maybe so

bear: why do you want to write the song alone

chan: cause it's a song about you!!!

bear: really?

chan: yeah!

bear: wow

bear: chan you don't have to do that

bear: i don't deserve it

chan: stop being so hard on yourself!!!! yes you do!! also i wanna send it to you as a birthday present cause the night of the great ninja turtle debate you said you were an aries so that means your birthday is soonish

chan: unless you've told me who you are by then and i can perform it for you in person

bear: oh no that's so romantic my cold heart is melting

chan: good it's all going according to plan

bear: wait you never sent me that song that J inspired

bear: 3rd eye

chan: yeah you're right cause you never sent me a recording of you singing

bear: %

chan: ?

bear: it's your rolling eyes while smiling emoji except it's just the rolling eyes

chan: very funny

bear: hold on i gotta go record it-my roommate's still asleep so i'll try to do it in the hallway

bear: you can keep yourself entertained while i'm gone, can't you?

chan: yeah now i can gush to B and S about how excited i am to hear your voice again

bear:

bear: uwu

bear: see you in a sec

chan: heehee bye

 

Thursday 6:51 AM

kangaroo hyung: binnie

kangaroo hyung: binnie

kangaroo hyung: hi

changbean: why aren't you asleep

kangaroo hyung: cause i'm talking to bear heehee

kangaroo hyung: changbin

changbean: yes

kangaroo hyung: HES SO CUTE AND FUNNY AND SMART AND HIS SINGING IS SO BEAUTIFUL UGH I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH

changbean: i know, hyung

changbean: but go talk about him with someone else please my phone vibrating woke up felix

kangaroo hyung: oh that's where felix went to? so i see 

changbean: it's not a big deal he's my boyfriend

kangaroo hyung: HEEHEE YOU SAID BOYFRIEND FELIX IS YOUR BOYFRIEND UWU I SHIP IT

kangaroo hyung: you can't deny that you're blushing right now

changbean: ...maybe

changbean: now go away so i can cuddle

kangaroo hyung: heehee ok talk to you later

 

Thursday 6:56 AM

channie hyung: sungiiiiiiieeeee are you awake

jisung: yes

channie hyung: hi

channie hyung: i'm bored what are you up to

jisung: homework

channie hyung: this early?

jisung: if i don't do it now, it'll never get done

channie hyung: aw sweetie

channie hyung: i wish i could wrap you in a warm blanket and do your homework for you

jisung: thanks hyung

jisung: that's very sweet

channie hyung: you're sweeter ;)

jisung: you gotta talk to this deer guy less it's making you flirty with everyone

channie hyung: first of all it's bear, not deer

channie hyung: second of all, no

channie hyung: i'll be as flirty as i like and talk to him as much as i like

jisung: guess i can't stop you

channie hyung: heehee no you can't

channie hyung: oh he just texted! ttyl

jisung: wow abandoning me just like that? traitor

jisung: who will i have to keep me company? it's moments like this i wish i had a roommate

jisung: but since i'm listening to loona i guess my roommate can be chuu

jisung: you're not paying attention anymore are you? ok bye

 

Thursday 7:07 AM

bear: newrecordingmp3

chan: UM

chan: UH

chan: OKAY

chan: HEWWO

chan: THE TALENT

chan: UNPARALELLED

chan: UNMATCHED

chan: OUTSOLD

chan: LEGEND

chan: ICON

chan: WE STAN

chan: your voice is even more incredible than i remember

chan: it's really so so beautiful & powerful bear i mean it 

bear: i know you do and thank you

chan: you're shy rn aren't you?

bear: of course i am

bear: idk how to take compliments

chan: you say, why thank you! also you're right, i am an insanely talented king with a beautiful 

bear: i don't have the confidence for that

chan: i figured

bear: but when i complimented you on insomnia you didn't react like that so you're a hypocrite

bear: that's your new nickname

chan: noo i miss angel

bear: ok fine angel just cause you're cute

chan: i'm soft

bear: anyways now show me 3rd eye!!

chan: okayyyy

chan: 3rdeye.mp3

bear: whoa

bear: is that you rapping with the deep ass voice in the beginning????

chan: lol no that's Y

bear: all your friends-your team-are in this?

chan: yeah

bear: cool ok back to listening

bear: i love it so far btw

chan: thank you

bear: how do we accept compliments?

chan: %)

chan: why thank you, it is a song worth loving!

bear: thank you

bear: ok i'm done and holy fuck!!! how are you all so talented!!! it's so so good

chan: why thank you, it is very good, isn't it

bear: YEAH

chan: whoa idk if i've ever seen you use all caps

chan: excited bear has joined the chat

chan: and it's very cute

bear: thank u

chan: uwu

chan: i'm hungry so i'm gonna go get breakfast but i'll talk to you later ok

bear: sure eat well angel

chan: thanks darling

 

Woojin was walking across campus to meet Hyunjin and get lunch together when he got a call. He pulled out his phone and saw a number he didn't recognize. Woojin shrugged and out of curiosity answered it anyway. 

"Hello?"

"H-hyung...it's Hyunjin..."

Woojin stopped in his tracks when he realized how shaky Hyunjin's voice sounded.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"I got mugged."

"Are you okay?"

"I...I don't know...th-they took my phone, and my wallet..."

"Are you hurt?"

"Y-yeah...they..." Hyunjin's voice cracked.

"Where are you? Should I call an ambulance?"

"N-no...it's not that bad, I just c-can't, um...can't go to class right now...:"

"Of course not. Tell me where you are, I'll come get you."

"R-right outside the Kim Gu building."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Woojin turned around and ran, adrenaline coursing through him, fear lighting him up inside like a Christmas tree. When he found Hyunjin his chest ached horribly with guilt, because he wished he had gotten there sooner, but thankfully he wasn't alone. A teacher's assistant named Jimin that Woojin knew from his music theory class was waiting for Hyunjin, rubbing his back and holding a napkin to his nose.

"Hyunjin," Woojin called out.

Hyunjin turned at his name being called, tossed the ice pack he'd been holding on his head to Jimin, and ran over into Woojin's arms. He had a bloody nose and some nasty scratches on his face, but he wasn't crying, which comforted Woojin slightly. If Hyunjin, one of the biggest criers Woojin knew, wasn't in tears after getting mugged, then it couldn't be too bad, right?

"It's okay," Woojin whispered to Hyunjin. He rubbed his back.

"It's okay if you need to cry."

Woojin felt Hyunjin shake his head against his shoulder.

"No. No tears."

Hyunjin could cry just because he couldn't handle how cute his dog Kkami was, so Woojin could tell this had really shaken him up. Hyunjin would normally never run from his emotions. Woojin knew exactly what this called for-a good, old fashioned talk about feelings. Hyunjin's favorite! (Usually.)  
Hyunjin pulled away to look at Woojin, and Woojin's heart twisted at seeing his injuries again.

"Can we go back to my room?"

"Of course."

 

Thursday 12:36 PM

bear: i want to murder

chan: hot

chan: but why?

bear: J was mugged and now he's really shaken up

chan: oh my god i'm so sorry

chan: is J okay?

bear: physically, yes 

bear: i'm with him right now and he's got some bumps and bruises but he'll be okay

bear: and a couple items were stolen of course but nothing that can't be replaced

bear: emotionally i don't really know what he's thinking-he said he wanted to be alone for a little bit and i said i wasn't leaving him right now so he went to take a shower

bear: this is horrible i'm so mad

chan: i am too at first i just felt so sorry that happened to J and now i'm really pissed 

bear: i wish there was more i could do

chan: have you reported it to the school? does J know the names of the guys who attacked him?

bear: yeah, he does, but the thing is these guys were all rich legacy kids whose parents basically fund the whole school. there's no way in hell the administration will do anything if J says they attacked him

bear: they might not even believe him J is just a freshman after all and the university board basically has dinner with these kids's families every other week

chan: that's such bullshit god i'm so angry

bear: i know me too

chan: i really want to fight someone but also like aggressively hug & protect you and J

bear: that's cute

bear: thank you

bear: you made me feel a little bit better

chan: i'm glad

 

"Hyung? Can you pass me some clothes?"

Woojin tossed his phone aside and dove into Hyunjin's dresser to get something comfy to hand his friend.

"Thank you."

"Of course." Woojin hesitated by the bathroom door, wanting to ask if there was anything else Hyunjin wanted, but for some reason, wasn't able to bring himself to say the words. Hyunjin emerged from the bathroom in an oversized t shirt and sweatpants.

"I'm okay, hyung. You can go."

"I already told you, I'm not leaving you alone right now. I can get you another ice pack or something to eat, or we could cuddle and watch something on Seungmin's computer. But I'm not letting you be alone. We don't even have to interact, I can just write emails to your teachers explaining why you're not in class while you rest. But I'm not leaving."

Woojin crossed his arms over his chest with finality. Hyunjin's lips started to tremble and he let out a shaky breath. He turned away, wiped at his eyes, and walked over to Seungmin's bed and lay on it. Woojin walked over and sat next to Hyunjin's feet. 

"My...my throat hurts."

"I can get you cough drops or water-"

"No. It's because..." Hyunjin exhaled, shakily, once again. Woojin rubbed his back.

"My throat hurts because I'm trying not to cry."

"Why? Since when have you held yourself back from crying?"

Hyunjin sat up so he was sitting next to Woojin, their knees touching.

"When, um...when the guys were beating me up, one of them said something. 'This..."

Hyunjin's voice cracked, and he paused before continuing.

"'This is what you get for being a homo.'" He whispered the last word quickly, like he couldn't stand to let it sit in his mouth.

Woojin's blood went cold and fury ignited in his veins.

"Tell me their names. Now."

"N-no, like I said bef-"

"I don't care! It was a hate crime!"

Hyunjin smiled weakly. "There are no laws protecting queer people from hate crimes here, remember?" His eyes glossed over with tears.  
Woojin couldn't remember the last time he was this angry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to break things and throw pillows at the wall and kick a chair and fight every single homophobe that made it so Hyunjin had to go through this.  
But it all melted away when Hyunjin finally crumpled, sobbing so hard his body shook and he was fighting for breath. Woojin climbed back onto the bed, pulled Hyunjin into his arms, and rubbed his back and said over and over, "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here."

 

Thursday 1:38 PM

bear: turns out there's more to this story and now i'm angrier than i think i've ever been

chan: oh no what is it?

bear: turns out this wasn't random-the mugging and beating up was planned. the guys that attacked J said something to him while they were doing it-i don't like saying the word they used, so i won't, but they basically said this is what J got for being gay.

chan: are you serious

chan: oh my fucking god i'm so angry

bear: me too

chan: this is so fucking unfair we don't deserve this why the fuck do we have to get beat up and killed just for loving people of the same gender i don't get it!!! why do you hate us so much!! why do you care! just leave us alone please

bear: i know

bear: i don't even know what to do with myself right now

bear: i wish i had a sword

bear: i'm trained in kendo

chan: whoa really? that's cool

chan: Y and B are black belts in taekwondo

bear: us 3 will be the lgbt defense squad ready to annihilate homophobes and transphobes at any moment

chan: i just texted the two of them asking if they would like to join a defense squad for punching homophobes and transphobes and they both said yes so i look forward to seeing y'all fight for queer ppl across the galaxy

bear: cool

bear: sigh

chan: i'm so sorry bear

bear: i'm sorry too

bear: it hurt to see his injuries earlier but what hurt most was when he started crying like he's really scared

bear: i am too

chan: are you out?

bear: only to J, I, and my family

bear: oh and J's roommate i guess

bear: what about you? and all of your friends? 

chan: we're all out except M

bear: to everyone? that's dangerous

chan: i know, and it's been rough-B got kicked out of his house junior year of high school when he came out to his parents & hasn't spoken to them since

chan: but other than that we've all been very safe & very lucky the ppl in our lives accepted us

bear: be more safe

bear: be extra careful

bear: i don't want someone else i care about to get hurt

chan: i'll try my best

bear: ...i want to talk to you

bear: like on the phone

chan: really?

chan: okay

bear: now now i'm still with J

bear: but tonight

bear: i'll call you

chan: okay

bear: you don't have to if you don't want to

chan: no no i want to! i really want to i just didn't want to get over excited and scare you off

bear: oh 

bear: okay

bear: cool

bear: so i'll call you tonight

chan: yeah

bear: cool

chan: you already said that

bear: i did

bear: can you tell i'm nervous?

chan: i'm nervous too if it makes you feel any better

bear: it does thank you

bear: well...i'll talk to you tonight

chan: yup

bear: bye

 

Thursday 8:46 PM

bear: hey i'm back at my dorm-can i call you now

chan: yeah

Woojin's finger hovered over Chan's number, his hand shaking ridiculously. He was terrified-terrified that Chan would recognize his speaking voice and know who he was, terrified that the conversation would be awkward and stilted, terrified that this would be the moment Chan would realize Woojin wasn't worth all the compliments and flirting-just terrified.  
But Woojin took some deep breaths and made the call anyway.

"Hello?"

"H-hi."

"Hey. Um...hi, Bear."

"Hi Chan."

"....so, uh...how are you?"

"I'm...okay. You?"

"Good." And exactly what Woojin had been terrified of-awkward silence. But then Chan broke it with something pretty unexpected.

"Caw, caw, caw..."

Woojin paused. "What was that?"

"There's a song I wrote with B and S called Awkward Silence and in the chorus there are crow sounds. So whenever there's an awkward silence, we just look at each other and do that."

Woojin laughed. "That's cute."

"Thanks. So....do you want to talk about J?"

Woojin sighed, something heavy unlocking and collapsing in his chest. His lip trembled and his tears started falling-he'd always been a silent crier, so Chan couldn't tell, but it was full waterworks on Woojin's end. He thanked his lucky stars that his roommate wasn't around.

"Bear?"

"Y-yeah, I'm here."

"We don't have to talk about it-"

"No, I want to. I just-" Woojin stopped to breathe.

"He's just a kid, you know? He's so young; he's barely an adult. He's just-he's just a kid. And already he's been attacked and-been made to feel like he did something wrong or that he's wrong when he just-existed and I...I hate that he had to go through that. I don't want him to have to feel like that again but...he probably will and it's just...so unfair..."

Woojin was now sobbing very hard, but trying very hard to not let Chan hear, because he feared as soon as Chan knew he was crying he'd insist on needing to comfort him in person and demand to know where he was-and therefore, who he was.  
His suspicions were confirmed with the next thing Chan said.

"Okay, you're crying. I can't just let you sit in your room and be sad alone. I need to comfort you. I need to provide hugs and cuddles. Where are you?"

"Ch-Chan, I'm not ready?"

"We'll have the lights off. Okay? What about that. The lights will be off and I'll even close my eyes for good measure. I won't be able to see you."

Woojin bit his lip and thought. He contemplated for a while before speaking again. "Okay, but I'm coming to you. Where's your dorm?" 

 

Thursday 9:01 PM

bear: i'm outside your room

Chan opened the door, his eyes closed.

"Okay, the lights are on right now just so we can safely get ourselves situated. Are your eyes closed?"

"No."

Chan whined. "Aw, but that's not fair. Now you know what I look like-and therefore, who I am!"

"I already knew who you were."

"You lied?"

"No, J's roommate told me." Sort of true.

Chan huffed. "Can you closes anyway though, so we can make it even?"

"Okay." Woojin closed his eyes and walked forward, bumping into Chan as he entered the room. Chan closed the door and the light behind Woojin's eyelids faded from orange-ish until they were gone and all he could see was black.

"Where are you?" 

"I'm trying to find your bed so we can sit on it-where are you?"

Chan's head poking the small of Woojin's back answered his question.

"Are you bent over?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"We're in the dark and it's all mysterious and hidden-like spies. I'm in the naruto run position cause that's how spies must run, right?"

Woojin laughed. "You're stupid."

"I'm a stupid angel though, right?"

Woojin smiled. "That's right."

His hands landed onto something soft, and more feeling around confirmed it was a mattress. Woojin carefully climbed onto it.

"I found your bed-take my hand and I'll pull you up."

"Where are you/"

"Um...I don't know...permission to open my eyes to help guide you?"

"Granted."

Woojin opened his eyes to see mostly darkness, but there was the outline of Chan's figure bent over and hands behind him, palms up, a foot away from where Woojin sat.

"Doesn't your back hurt from doing that?"

"Stand normally."

"Whatever you say...daddy."

Woojin's draw dropped. "Shut the fuck up, bottom."

Chan started to say something, but then just closed his mouth and hummed in a way that said, hot. (BRIEF AUTHOR'S NOTE pretend that hot was in italics idk how to do italics on here anyway moving on) Woojin stifled a scream.

Chan stood up properly and Woojin scooched forward to the edge of the bed to take his hand. When he did, Chan interlaced their fingers and Woojin's heart skipped a beat. Woojin tugged on Chan's hand and Chan fell sideways onto his bed, right next to where Woojin was sitting. Woojin laughed.

"You're a dork."

"An angel dork!"

Woojin laughed as Chan sat up and crossed his legs.

"Okay, now close your eyes."

Woojin obeyed, and started to let go of Chan's hand, but Chan squeezed. Woojin smiled and squeezed back. Chan tugged on Woojin's arm so Woojin fell forward into Chan, his head on the younger's chest. Chan put his chin on top of Woojin's head.

"It's strange, because it doesn't feel like I'm holding Bear right now. I guess...it doesn't feel like you're real?"

Woojin's muscles were very tense up until that moment-but as soon as he heard Chan say that, he completely melted and fell back into Chan's body. 

"Really?" Woojin asked breathlessly. Chan chuckled and leaned back against the wall, fully circling his arms around Woojin's body and squeezing him tight. Goosebumps popped up and down Woojin's arms.

"Yeah, really. Even when we talked on the phone, it was hard to feel like the person on the other end of the line was the same person I'd been bantering with for the past week and a half. I don't know." Woojin felt Chan shrug.

"It's just hard to believe Bear is real. He seems too good to be true."

"Oh, do I have to prove that I'm Bear?"

Woojin heard Chan chuckle.

"No no, you don't have to, I know you're-"

"When you sign your name, there's always a little doodle next to it of a snake/whale/slug like creature. Taylor Swift is your guilty pleasure. If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life it would be watermelon juice. A song you wish you had written is fools by Troye Sivan. You're a Gryffindor because you're a noble leader but you have traces of Hufflepuff for your loyalty and kindness. You enjoy dancing but you think you're not good enough at it. You-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa-when did I tell you all that stuff?"

Woojin got shy and buried his face in Chan's sweater for a moment before replying.

"Remember the night of the great ninja turtle debate? You told me about all of that then."

"Ah. Right. Sorry, when you don't sleep, it's hard to remember anything that happens."

Woojin laughed. "Makes sense."

There was a moment of brief silence, and then Chan sighed. "So....J." 

Woojin followed suit, sighing as well. "J." Tears threatened to fall at the thought of Hyunjin, who Woojin had only left once Seungmin returned to their room and promised to keep him company.

"I love him a lot, you know? He's my best friend. He's like my little brother. I have a small list of people in the world that I love, honestly, but he's one of them. And I don't want anything bad to happen to him. But something-something did."

Chan rubbed Woojin's arm and pressed a soft kiss into his hair. Woojin's breath hitched and his stomach flipped.

"Was that okay?"

"No-I mean, what am I saying, I mean yes, I-it was more than okay. Thank you."

Woojin couldn't see Chan, but he knew he was smiling. He envisioned Chan's smiling face in his mind, and the thought of his dimples and wide eyes made Woojin's chest feel warm.

"I'm...really glad I'm here. I'm really scared, but I'm glad I'm here."

"I didn't think I'd be scared, but I am too. I kind of get why you don't want us to meet in real life yet. I'm glad we're waiting, cause I think that would be best for the both of us."

Woojin immediately felt a puff of sadness, but then felt stupid and scolded himself for feeling it. He was the one who kept insisting that they wait to properly meet-why did it disappoint him to know Chan felt the same way?

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I guess I just...it's dumb. But a part of me was disappointed when you said you want to wait too. I guess I wanted you to fight for me? Or something? I don't know. It's dumb and hypocritical. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It makes sense."

"Really?'

"Would I lie to you?"

"Probably not."

Woojin heard Chan fake gasp in mock offense and he laughed.

"I thought you'd trust me by now."

"Of course I do. I'm just kidding."

Chan hummed happily. "Good."

Woojin yawned. "I'm so tired."

"Then let's go to sleep."

"That's a bad idea for multiple reasons."

"Please enlighten me."

"Well first of all, you could wake up before me in the morning and find out who I am. Second of all, all of my clothes and books are back in my room, so I'd have to do a walk of shame to get ready for class tomorrow."

"Walk of shame? We didn't even-We're not going to-"

"I wasn't done. Don't interrupt me."

Chan went silent for a moment, but that moment didn't last long.

"You oppress me for being a bottom, but how can I not be when you're so hot when you're bossy?"

Woojin's cheeks burned and he hit Chan on the arm. "Shut up. Anyway, third of all, your roommate could come back."

"He won't, he's with his boyfriend. And even if he did, so what?"

Woojin went to change the subject, because he had a feeling Chan could probably convince him to stay if they kept talking about it.

"Your roommate is Y, right? And now he's dating B?"

"Yup."

"What's going on with M and S?"

"M and S are basically together, but then there will be moments when M will stop them from kissing in public because he's still closeted, and S doesn't want to pressure him into coming out, but it hurts him to have to hide. It's a mess."

Woojin sighed. "It's so hard to be gay."

"It really is. But the parades and Lady Gaga make up for it." 

Woojin laughed again, and then snuggled his face deeper into Chan's chest, inhaling his scent.

"Ugh, I really don't want to leave."

Chan whined. "Then don't!"

"Are you pouting right now?"

"Can you blame me?"

Woojin smiled and sat up, opening his eyes to lean in and kiss Chan's cheek. Chan gasped and Woojin giggled.

"You're cute. But I should go."

Chan groaned. "Okay." He took Woojin's hand and together they got out of Chan's bed-Woojin chose to keep his eyes open so they didn't bump into anything. With the older leading Chan by the hand, they arrived at the door.

"Thank you for this."

"Of course. Thank you for coming. It was a pleasure to cuddle with you."

Woojin smiled. "The pleasure's all mine."

He put a hand on Chan's cheek and Chan leaned his face into Woojin's palm. Woojin leaned in and touched his forehead to Chan's before quickly dropping a kiss to Chan's nose. Woojin pulled away before he did something he might regret.

"I'll text you when I get back to my room, okay?" Woojin didn't know why, but he felt like he was supposed to whisper.

"Okay. Goodnight."

They slowly and reluctantly let go of each other's hand. Woojin wanted to stay so, so, so badly-but his fear overruled his desires and pushed him out the door. Out the door and away from Chan. Woojin was scared-so, so, so scared, and he wanted to just block Chan's number and leave before he got in too deep and got his heart broken, but he decided his heart would hurt more if Chan wasn't in the picture at all than if Chan tore the picture up.

 

Thursday 9:23 PM

bear: hi

chan: hey cinderella you left something here

bear: really?

chan: yeah

chan: me

bear: ....

chan: you should have taken me with you!

bear: %)

bear: so are we comparing you to a glass slipper right now?

chan: yes

bear: is this your way of telling me you have a foot fetish or something

chan: HBSHFBSSIIUBSB

chan: NO I DO NOT HAVE A FOOT FETISH SEHUFHSUGUIGUGUSGUGG

bear: lol i didn't think so

bear: just teasing

bear: but also gotta make sure

chan: you're something else

bear: thank you....?

chan: backspace on that question mark you should be confident in your words

bear: since when are you my text editor

chan: since now you definitely need an intervention considering your lack of keysmashing

bear: if i'm the top here, then why are you telling me what to do right now?

chan: because you're not stopping me

bear: oh really

chan: you want me to not be bossy

chan: then make me

bear: how?

chan: however you want baby ;)

bear: i just got chills down my spine

chan: is that code for a boner

bear: if it was (which it definitely wasn't) it wouldn't have gone away after you said that cause i hate that word it's so gross and unromantic

chan: are you a romantic?

bear: maybe

chan: uwu

chan: write me a love poem

bear: you're supposed to be the lyricist here

chan: well it isn't much, but this is what i have for my song about you so far

chan: Attachment: 5 Images

chan: hello? are you still there

chan: it's not that horrible is it

bear: did you really write that for me?

chan: yeah

bear: whoa

bear: it's beautiful

chan: thanks

bear: seriously you don't understand this is incredible

bear: i can't believe someone would create something that good for me

chan: well you better believe it, baby cause you're a good muse

bear: thanks

bear: uwu

chan: heehee

chan: this is irrelevant but i love hearing the rain on my window

bear: gosh i know that's the best

chan: i feel closer to you knowing that we hear the same rain

bear: that's really nice

chan: you're really nice

bear: you can flirt better than that

chan: who are you to criticize my flirting skills

bear: okay that's fair

bear: i am sorry i'm so bad at it

chan: no don't be that's another reason why i like you

chan: you're not sly or greasy-you're earnest and genuine and shy and very sweet

chan: it's adorable

bear: i can't handle this praise

bear: i'm going to bed

chan: no stay i'll stop complimenting you i'll be mean instead

bear: lol no need, that's not a kink of mine

chan: fsfybdfbsdsbgbgb

bear: but i really am tired

bear: so i'm going to turn in for tonight

chan: okay sweet dreams

bear: try to get some rest too please

chan: i'll try

bear: goodnight

 

Friday 9:47 AM

chan: UGH bear i'm in political science and i have to write an essay on communism and IM BOOOOORED

bear: it's not surprising to me that you have no interest in anything that involves intellect

chan: MEANIE

chan: i thought you weren't calling me dumb anymore i thought i was an angel now

bear: you can be a dumb angel

chan: harrumph

bear: heehee

chan: i would leave this conversation because i'm a petty bitch but none of my other friends are answering my texts & i really don't feel like reading about marxism right now

bear: but marxism is fun

chan: i guess so

chan: are you coming out to me as a commie right now

bear: yes is that a problem

chan: no i prefer socialism but i think we can agree on the fact that we should eat the rich

bear: hell fucking yeah

chan: lol anyway what are you doing

bear: trying to pick a birthday present for J

chan: how is he doing?

bear: i went to his room before going to class & he seemed better & he said he was okay now & i didn't need to come by later but i'm still going to & im bringing strawberry roll cakes and i'm gonna cuddle the heck out of him

chan: fuck yeah

chan: i feel aggressively soft

bear: that's the best way to feel

chan: aggressively soft is a good way to describe you

bear: thank you

bear: i was unsure if that was a compliment at first but then i was like it's chan if he's not complimenting you he's not breathing

chan: was that a compliment?

bear: sure

chan: cool then thanks babe

bear: b-babe???

chan: uh huh

bear: UM UH n e ways

chan: in case you were wondering yes that was my evil laughter coming from the poli sci room

chan: but why are you flustered over babe i've called you that before

chan: probably

bear: just because you've done it before doesn't make me any less of a panicked gay

chan: good that gives me so much power

bear: meanie

chan: hey that's my nickname

chan: copyright claim or whatever the thing is that you said before

bear: if you don't want me to steal your nickname don't be mean

chan: you like the flirting don't try to deny it

bear: oh uh would you look at the time im afraid i have a prior engagement i must attend to goodbye

chan: ;) ;) ;)

 

Friday 10:16 AM

chan: oof S & B & i are going into the studio and i think we'll be here for a while so i probably won't be available for most of the day btw

bear: that's fine i have class anyway and after that i'm hanging out with J so i probably wouldn't have texted you anyway tbh

chan: meanie

bear: jk have fun & remember to eat & take care of yourself

bear: you better be back in your room by 9 pm cause i want you well rested you understand

chan: sir yes sir

bear: cool bye

chan: bye

 

Friday 9:00 PM

bear: CHRISTOPHER

chan: i'm in my room don't worry

chan: and how do you know my english name?

bear: i have my ways

chan: secret agent bear strikes again

bear: anyway did the song turn out well?

chan: yeah i'm real happy with it & i'm excited to show it to the others

chan: you know while i was writing it...i kept thinking that there was a part that would perfectly suit your voice

bear: oh

bear: really?

chan: yeah!!!

bear: hm

bear: let me hear the song and i'll consider...singing that part for you

chan: really?!

bear: if you want me to i don't want to intrude

chan: uh yeah i want you to! you're totally not intruding 

chan: i'll send it to you tmw

chan: i'm so hyped

bear: could i record the part you want me to do without you there?

chan: yeah B can meet you at the studio

chan: i'll give you his number

bear: i'm sorry i'm making all of this such a big deal-keeping my identity hidden

bear: i'm just scared for it to all be real

bear: i've never had a relationship before and i don't want to fuck it up so i'm scared to have us actually start doing this and i'm scared of it being real and having stakes and possibly going wrong

chan: there's a first time for everything darling

chan: and if we don't work out that's okay

chan: i'll still think well of you when it's over-if it does end

bear: you promise you won't hate me? no matter how bad i fuck up?

chan: i could never

bear: how is the human race so lucky

bear: to have such kind angels like you

chan: i'm so soft

chan: you're way too sweet

bear: how do we accept compliments?

chan: %)

chan: why thank you, i am quite a kind angel! and i'm afraid i do not know how the human race is so lucky to have me, but i am happy to be here!

bear: thank you

bear: btw what's the song called

chan: lost child

bear: ooh do we have an emotional ballad on our hands?

chan: not a ballad but definitely some emotions

chan: i think i always write about emotions-at least some form of them

bear: idk if insomnia is an emotion but sure

chan: %

bear: am i wrong though like am i wrong

chan: no love, you're never wrong

bear: precisely

bear: i knew i kept you around for a good reason

chan: oh so you're saying it's not my charm or wit

bear: no just your abs

chan: ...how do you know i have abs

bear: i saw you around campus without a shirt once one day 

chan: did you like what you saw? ;)

bear: obviously why else would i be here

chan: harrumph

chan: you don't like me because of my personality just my body

chan: mean

bear: alright sweetie i'll admit you're talented & make me laugh & i love the way your brain works & you're super kind & caring

chan: uwu thank you

chan: i wish i could express how happy that makes me

bear: ...that makes me really happy

chan: well then i guess we've come to an impasse

bear: i don't think you know what an impasse is

chan: there can't be positive impasses?

bear: sure i guess

chan: bear??? willingly agreeing with me??? miraculous

bear: %)

bear: i gotta go J wants to cuddle

chan: go get your snuggle on

bear: i will

bear: go to sleep!!!!

chan: i'll try

chan: goodnight honey

bear: sweet dreams

 

Saturday 12:38 PM

chan: so im at the laundromat being bored while i wait for my laundry to be done

chan: when Y decides to just BURST in here like he owns the place

chan: and he's with B, and they're all over each other & its so rude

chan: how DARE they be happy & gay in front of me while i suffer through the first hour & 45 minutes of love simon

bear: i loved that movie

bear: though the book was better

bear: and i'm blue??? i'm honored

bear: which of your friends are nick, abby & leah

bear: J's my garrett

chan: hmm i'd say Y's my abby, M is my nick, and S2 is my leah

bear: excellent

bear: i hope you don't have a martin

chan: luckily i don't

bear: thank goodness

bear: i don't want you to be outed

bear: well you're already out so nvm

bear: i don't want you to experience any of the emotional turmoil simon has to go through in that movie

bear: do you think S2 is in love with M when really he's in love with you

chan: lol no S2 is definitely not in love with me or M he's crazy about his roommate

chan: and don't worry darling i doubt anything that happens in love simon is going to happen to me

chan: though i wouldn't mind the ferris wheel kiss at the end tbh ;)

bear: ....i wouldn't either

chan: i'm giggling

bear: :)

bear: i know

 

Saturday 7:09 PM

chan: BEAR GUESS WHAT

bear: WHAT

chan: no need to yell

bear: you started it

chan: fine

chan: anyway i'm going out tonight! with the whole gang-S, Y, B, S2, & M

chan: we haven't all gone out together in months & im really excited

bear: do you have a designated driver? everyone have condoms? none of you are on any medications you shouldn't be mixing with alcohol are you 

chan: yes, S2 doesn't really like being drunk so he's going to drive, i'm not going to sleep with anyone tonight-unless a certain bear reveals himself ;)-and our 2 couples have condoms, and seungmin hasn't confessed to his roommate yet so he's definitely celibate for now, and no none of us are on anti alcohol medications

chan: S used to be on antidepressants but he's not anymore & B takes something for anxiety but it's safe to mix with alcohol

bear: good

chan: thanks mom

bear: i just want y'all to be safe

chan: of course and thank you i appreciate it

chan: i appreciate that you care

bear: of course i care channie

bear: now what are you still talking to me for? go have fun

chan: okay

chan: i'm scared for some reason-but mostly excited

bear: enjoy! i know this will be very difficult but i don't do anything stupid

chan: :p

 

Sunday 1:55 AM

chan: bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear best

chan: ha autocprrect that was supposed to say bear again

chan: are you awaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

chan: i miss u

chan: common QT

chan: come out come out wherever you are

chan: out of the closet haha

chan: BEARDDDRDD

chan: i'm bored

chan: bear?

 

Sunday 10:04 AM

chan: oh god bear

chan: i'm suffering from the worst hangover in all of history

chan: my head feels like it's splitting open

bear: is that so

chan: be more sympathetic

bear: i'm terribly sorry to hear that you're in pain that's just awful

chan: thank you

chan: finally getting some respect around here

bear: %

bear: did you have fun on your night on the town

chan: i guess so i remember nothing

chan: that's a lie i remember squirrels. idk why but i remember squirrels

chan: we always say S looks like a squirrel so maybe he did something wild last night i don't really know

bear: i'm glad you have friends as special as S that they can leave memories in your head even when you're totally shitfaced and can't recollect anything else

chan: i'm glad too i'm going to text S & tell him how grateful i am for his existence

bear: you go do that

bear: that's inspired me i'm going to text I and let him know i love him because it's always good to remind our loved ones how important they are

chan: what about J?

bear: he's sitting right next to me and reading all of this over my reader and we exchanged a look that said it all when i said it's good to remind our loved ones how important they are

chan: aww

bear: update i'm disowning I

bear: i just said i love you and he just said "i'm not letting you borrow my switch" how rude

chan: kids and their new fangled sex escapades

bear: ....

bear: chan

bear: wtf

bear: we're talking about a nintendo switch

chan: OH YEAH

bear: I is still a baby still a minor just a senior in high school

bear: i will have none of this unholy talk regarding him

chan: IM SORRY i have less brain cells when i'm hungover i just saw the word switch and i assumed

bear: i need an emoji for shaking my head in disappointment

chan: #

bear: how does that work

chan: it's our secret emoticon language just accept it

bear: alright

bear: #

bear: but really are you okay? is someone taking care of you?

chan: yeah S2's here and he's helping Y & me since we're both hungover 

chan: Y is somehow less hungover than me even though he's a lightweight that probably got much more drunk than i did i hate him

bear: i'm glad you have someone taking care of you

bear: but HOW did Y get more drunk than you

bear: you were completely shitfaced

chan: how would you know

bear: ...

chan: did i drunk text you

bear: maybe

chan: oh no

chan: OH GOD I JUST SCROLLED UP TO READ THE TEXTS I SENT LAST NIGHT I SOUNDED SO STUPID

bear: you always sound stupid though

chan: MEANIE!!!

chan: you're a bully

bear: what does that say about you

chan: what?

bear: you have a crush on someone who's always mean to you...what kind of weird kink is that

chan: STOP FBSDIDBGSGUSB

chan: there are weirder kinks

bear: so you do have that kink

chan: FUBUBGUWBGUWE

bear: you're not denying it

chan:

bear: that's what i thought

bear: so from now on when you're like "meanie!!" i'll know it's just to cover up the fact that you're secretly turned on

chan: shut up

chan: but also bear??? willingly initiating suggestive conversations??? we love growth??

bear: i don't think we should celebrate me becoming more of a hoe

bear: you're such a bad influence on me christopher

chan: being a hoe isn't a bad thing okay

chan: no slut shaming here

bear: fine then 

bear: yay i'm a hoe!!!

chan: yay you admitted it!!

bear: :p

chan: heehee

bear: you should go get some rest i can imagine staring at a phone screen isn't helping your headache

chan: you're right it isn't

bear: then go

bear: and feel better

chan: thank you

chan: byeee

bear: bye

 

Monday 2:28 AM

chan: hey hello there it's been a while

bear: you sound like a youtuber doing an intro

chan: i do not

bear: do to

chan: do not

bear: do to

chan: do not

bear: as tempted as i am to say "do to" again, for both of our sanities (is that a word? like the plural of sanity) i'm going to stop this

chan: good executive decision

chan: i just looked at all my grades from finals

chan: i passed everything-miraculously

bear: congrats

chan: how about you?

bear: it all went well

bear: really well actually

bear: idk how but it did

bear: maybe i expect everything to be worse than it actually is

bear: like i anticipate things and let myself imagine that they're horrible but then they're fine

chan: it be like that

chan: anxiety & shit

chan: i think the term is catastrophizing

chan: it's a type of negative thinking that leads to anxiety and depression

bear: fun

bear: i love being mentally ill

chan: felt that

chan: i attempted suicide in high school actually

bear: seriously?

chan: yeah

chan: sorry to just like drop that on you out of the blue or whatever

chan: idk where it came from i just wrote it out and sent it without thinking about it

bear: no it's okay

bear: how old were you?

chan; start of freshman year, 13 going on 14

bear: damn

chan: yup

chan: i was going through a lot and felt really alone

chan: things just felt hopeless

bear: i get it, like i really do

bear: i've definitely been there

chan: you don't....think less of me, do you?

bear: of course not

bear: why would this make me think less of you?

chan: idk

chan: it's something i'm kind of ashamed of

bear: there's nothing wrong with having a mental illness and i don't blame you

bear: i've thought about doing it before

bear: and its not your fault so you shouldn't blame yourself

chan: thank you

chan: like really thank you

bear: thank you for telling me

chan: you're welcome

chan: ...idk where to take the conversation from here

chan: i just made it awkward didn't i

bear: no you're fine

bear: but idk what to say now either

bear: we've had an effortless these past two weeks we're not used to awkward silences

chan: caw caw caw

chan: but that's kind of the beauty of text there can't be an awkward silence

bear: i suppose you're right

bear: but still

bear: where do we go from here

chan: where did we go? what did we do?

bear: i think we made something entirely new

chan: you know steven universe?!

bear: yeah I introduced it to me we've been watching it together

bear: DONT SPOIL i just finished season 3

bear: when they're on the barn & there's the cluster & stuff

chan: that's so wicked

chan: who's your favorite gem

bear: pearl or garnet

bear: who's yours?

chan: lapis

chan: my favorite character is steven-connie's a close second

chan: favorite song?

bear: how do i not say the entirety of the mr. greg episode

bear: if i have to pick one it's over isn't it

chan: something entirely new is my fave

bear: out of the two of us, who do you think is ruby & who's sapphire

chan: hmmmmm

chan: i feel like you're definitely sapphire but i'm not really ruby

chan: we're more pearl & rose quartz

bear: gasp you're so right

chan: i am aren't i

bear: and!! together they're rainbow quartz which is perfect cause we're gay!!

chan: lol yeah!!

bear: love that for us

chan: we're so iconic

bear: truly

bear: Y and B? i don't know her i only know chan and bear

chan: truly

chan: do you have class tmw

bear: yeah

chan: then go get some rest!!!

bear: coming from you

chan: i have insomnia

bear: true but please try to get some rest

chan: fine i'll try

bear: then i'll go

chan: okeeeeeeeeeeeyyy

chan: goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeee

chan: talk to you in the moooooooorning

chan: well technically it already is the moooooooooooorning

bear: go to sleep Christopher

chan: oof capital letters

chan: that's frightening

chan: i'll get my ass out of here

bear: ok bye

chan: bye

 

Monday 9:18 AM

bear: how are you doing angel

chan: i'm alright chill so far how about you

bear: i randomly had a mini existential crisis about aging cause my birthday's soonish but i think i'm over it

chan: when's your bday exactly?

bear: april 8th

chan: omg that's really soon

chan: i better get to work on my song for you

bear: you really don't have to do that

chan: but i want to

bear: i just don't know what to do with you you're like perfect

chan: am i

bear: no in reality you're a disaster gay

bear: but you're super super nice just cause you want to be and that's really rare and beautiful

chan: i think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

bear: i feel like saying you're welcome but it's kind of unconfident like you're welcome...? but if i just texted that you'd like BACK THAT UP MISTAH BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR WORDS

chan: you're right i would be like that

chan: so just text you're welcome

bear: you're welcome

chan: now was that so hard?

bear: %p

chan: rolling your eyes while sticking your tongue out?

bear: i'm glad we understand each other

chan: %)

bear: what class do you have rn

chan: i actually don't have class at the moment so i'm in the studio recording with S and B-we're doing their rap parts of the song i was telling you about

bear: lost child? that you want me to sing on?

chan: yes

chan: you still up for that

bear: of course

bear: i'm excited for it

chan: i'm excited to hear how you make the song better

bear: uwu

chan: what class do you have rn?

bear: english i'm actually going to present today

chan: good luck!!

bear: thanks babe

chan: ......

chan: babe

chan: YOU'VE never called me babe before

bear: well now i have

bear: gtg ttyl

chan: yeah that's right hide behind your text abbreviations you're a hoe bear accept it

bear: i have accepted it remember

chan: oh yeah

bear: so you have no basis to tease me on

chan: then why'd you run away?

bear: cause i actually have to go there's a thing called an education i'm trying to pursue here

chan: ok understandable

bear: bye

chan: bye

 

Monday 6:37 PM

bear: is it may yet

chan: sadly, no

bear: i want to be done with school already

chan: felt that

bear: wait i just remembered once i've graduated i gotta apply & audition for companies and that's scary & difficult

bear: i just want a vacation

chan: i mean same but i'm a workaholic so idk how to take a vacation

chan: when i'm supposed to be on vacation i find myself working

bear: bad channie

chan: i know

chan: Y and S2 usually have to drag me away from the studio

bear: how long have you been writing songs?

chan: oof

chan: eight years i think

chan: yeah i remember i decided to be an idol in 2011

bear: that's so long ago

chan: it really is

bear: old man

chan: you're older than me!

bear: irrelevant

bear: btw when is your birthday? we established i was born first but idk if you ever told me the actual day

chan: it's october 3rd

bear: we're six months apart

chan: you're still older haha grandpa loooooserrr

bear: we love maturity

bear: mature adults who interact with each other maturely

bear: that's what's going on here

chan: i had a thought

bear: thats either very dangerous or incredibly brilliant

chan: you don't have to answer this if you don't want to

chan:

chan: but have you had sex

bear: i have not

bear: i've never dated or slept with anyone

chan: never held anyone's hand, told anyone i liked them, nothing

bear: i was always too chicken to go through with it

chan: that makes me feel kind of special

chan: i'm so many of your firsts

bear: it's easier to tell someone you like them over text and it's easier to hold someone's hand and cuddle with them in the dark

chan: hey we did that!!!

bear: lol yes we did angel

chan: that was really nice

chan; you're a good cuddler

bear: i am, aren't i?

chan: now you're getting the hang of it

bear: the hang of what?

chan: accepting compliments

chan: but tbh you've got the hang of everything else just so you know you're perfect in every other way

chan: except knowing how perfect you are

bear: stop i'm blushing

chan: good

bear: honestly me? perfect? you're one to talk

bear: you're so incredibly kind and wise and i'm constantly in awe of like...your existence

bear: i like you so much

chan: me too

bear: i'm glad you like you too

chan: %)

bear: heehee

chan: but seriously

chan: i like you a lot a lot a lot a lot

bear: a lot

chan: aaaaaaaaaa lot

bear: alot.

chan: heehee

bear: you're cute

chan: i am, aren't i?

bear: look who's getting the hang of it now

chan: :) but in all caps

bear: %)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i'm less sure at this point if chan really is a gryffindor cause i've seen that apparently when asked about their houses jeongin said chan was a slytherin and tbh it makes sense...he could also be a ravenclaw so idk


	3. The Third Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! there's a couple of things i wanna mention before starting the chapter.
> 
> 1) taylor swift is discussed A LOT in this chapter so if you hate her with your whole being or whatever then be prepared. i love her and i always have and always will and this is my fic so if i want woojin & chan to be swifties they are. deal with it
> 
> 2) yellow wood is out!! please stream side effects and vote for skz so they can get another win! even if you don't live in korea you can vote. go to my twitter-@woojinlesbian-i've retweeted stuff about how to vote. support the boys pls, they've worked so hard and they do so much for us. they deserve it.
> 
> without further ado, let's begin! hope you like this. (sorry it took a little longer. my goal was originally to post a chapter a week, and i would like to stick with that from now on, so fingers crossed i can get ch 4 up next week!)

Tuesday 9:04 AM

bear: my throat hurts

bear: can death take my already

chan: i’m sorry baby

bear: we’re so close to the end of the year like come on body you can do this pull through for me please

chan: yeah bear’s body don’t give up on him yet

chan: i wish i could made you some tea with honey

bear: J’s three steps ahead of you

chan: god bless him

bear: honestly

chan: so you’re gonna go to class?

bear: yeah i have to

bear: and i don’t have any other symptoms anyway if i was also enduring a bad headache or something i’d probably stay home but it’s just my throat so i’ll soldier on

chan: i hate our capitalist society

bear: me too but how is that relevant rn?

chan: capitalism overworks us and creates a toxic culture that makes us think we should always be working and producing and creating things even if that’s bad for our health (mental or physical)

bear: i get that but it really isn’t a big deal

bear: if i didn’t go to class i’d probably feel lazy and guilty and be thinking i should have gone to class

chan: that’s capitalism babe!

chan: you shouldn’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself

chan: and you go to school 5 days a week for hours at a time and then spent tons of hours doing homework do you really think if you rest for one day that makes you lazy

bear: you forget that i do nothing else

bear: like i go to class & do homework & spend all my time in either mine or J’s rooms, sometimes at I’s house

bear: so yes i do think staying home for today would make me lazy

chan: if only you could see how unfair it is that they work us so hard

bear: who’s they?

bear: our professors?

chan: society

chan: our professors are overworked too tbh like bless their souls

chan: except professor lee fuck him

chan: he’s homophobic

bear: how do you know he’s homophobic

chan: Y and B and I were walking to his class the other day (B and i are in his class together) and when Y dropped us off he kissed B goodbye and professor lee was livid 

chan: going on and on about how that's disgusting, perverted, wrong, not how things are supposed to be-and it was in front of the whole class too

bear: jesus that's terrible

chan: yeah

bear: were Y and B okay?

chan: Y was shaken up but he definitely felt better after talking to his therapist and we’ve talked about it some but for the most part he’s been alright

chan: B however is acting like it didn’t affect him

chan: he claims no homophobic bullshit can bother him anymore cause nothing is as bad as the stuff his parents said to him when kicking him out but i know he’s hurt

chan: i’ve wanted to talk to him but there keep being ppl around & i’d rather talk to him about it one on one

chan: so i just gotta find a time to get him alone

bear: i wish you luck

bear: i hope he’s doing alright

chan: me too

chan: how’s J holding up?

bear: he’s definitely less shaky & anxious

bear: but now he’s more mopey and sad and depressed about how hard it is to be gay in this world

chan: mood

chan: but i’m so sorry

chan: it’s so unfair and awful like i don’t understand people hating us for who we love like???? we didn’t do anything??? but have emotions????? why are you mad????

chan: same with trans/nonbinary ppl like they just existed okay & respect them please it's not that hard

bear: sigh i know

chan: i hope our friends will be okay

bear: me too

chan: well my dear i’m afraid i have to go attend to my studies

bear: sadly, i have to as well darling

chan: feel better and don’t work yourself too hard

bear: you too

bear: talk later

chan: bye

bear: bye

 

Tuesday 11:16 AM

chan: hey hey hey

bear: what what what

chan: pride month approaches

bear: it’s not for another 3 months

chan: that’s not that long

chan: it approaches

chan: are you excited?

chan: we’ll be at our prime

chan: our most powerful

bear: i guess

bear: i don’t really do anything for pride month

chan: gasp

chan: are you telling me you’ve never been to one of the parades?

bear: yeah

chan: now that’s just unacceptable you have to go to at least once

chan: i assure you it is a magical experience you will not forget

bear: there’s pride in south korea?

chan: duh

chan: this may come as a shocker to you but gay people are everywhere

chan: all across the globe

chan: and where’s there’s gays, there’s parades

chan: so there’s a pride parade that happens in seoul every year

chan: you should go!!!

bear: i don’t really feel comfortable, since i’m not really out yet

chan: understandable & valid

chan: but you should go to one someday-they’re super fun and do wonders for internalized homophobia

bear: i probably will go

bear: eventually

chan: hurrah!

chan: i’m like a gay fairy blessing queer people across the land

chan: first i was a matchmaker helping bring couples together, (like Y and B) now i’m getting you to go to a parade

chan: who’s doing it like me

bear: someone’s confident today

chan: is that a problem

bear: no of course not

bear: it’s really nice to see tbh

bear: i like seeing you be happy and confident because you deserve to feel good

chan: thanks sweetie

chan: same to you

bear: uwu

chan: i squealed

bear: i apologize to whoever was in your vicinity and had to hear it

chan: are you implying my squeals are not delightful, adorable, joyous sounds that any soul would be lucky to have fall upon their ears?

bear: tbh i’ve never heard you squeal so idk but i never liked it when people squealed

bear: it makes me uncomfortable

bear: idk why

bear: anxiety be like: random & irrational

chan: i feel you

chan: and you’re valid

chan: but i assure you when you hear me squeal it will change all of that

chan: because my squeal is super cute and you’ll be like uwu and grow to love the sound forevermore

bear: i welcome my fate

bear: it doesn’t sound so bad

chan: %

chan: you’re hard to please

bear: which is the opposite of your easy to please we compliment each other like constrasting colors on a color wheel

bear: and you know how science says like forces repel? we’re not super alike so we don’t repel yeehaw

chan: ...did you just

chan: did you just fucking say yeehaw

bear: fuck yeah i did

bear: and what are you going to do about it?

chan: is that an invitation to do...something? ;)

bear: now i’m squealing but in a more panicked way

chan: screaming?

bear: yeah that

bear: ugh idk why i get easily flustered

chan: it’s cute

bear: it’s embarrassing & lame

chan: shut up

bear: ok

chan: whoa really?

chan: i didn’t think it would work that easily

chan: my power

bear: it didn’t i just wanted to give you an ego boost by acting like it did & it seems it worked

chan: %

bear: :)

bear: you love me

chan: no comment

bear: heehee

chan: it’s unfair how cute you are

chan: it shouldn’t be allowed for someone to be this adorable

bear: who says it is? for all you know i could be a hardened criminal

chan: ...hardened

bear: % but in all caps

bear: i don’t care how much you compliment me i despise you

chan: :(

bear: do you really expect me to not be exasperated when you have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy

chan: ok i know that was immature i’m sorry

bear: thank you

bear: look at MY power

chan: %

 

Tuesday 2:22 PM

bear: my throat hurts less now but it’s still there and now my nose is stuffy

bear: like god if you want me to suffer just kill me now like just take me i’ll go

chan: bold of you to assume god wants you

chan: all us gays are gonna be hanging with satan remember

bear: oh yeah old lucy

chan: lucy?

bear: short for lucifer

bear: honestly it’s been discussed how everyone just assumes god is a man when we don’t really know god’s gender (thanks ariana) but no one talks about how everyone assumes satan to be a man too

chan: i assume satan is a man because men are awful and satan is awful

bear: valid

bear: but if satan was a woman??? i feel like she’d be kind of hot

chan: what heterosexuality has possessed you

bear: lol i’m bi

chan: ohhhh

bear: did i never mention that?

chan: i guess not

chan: but i also forget everything so that may be my fault

bear: you’re cool with that, right?

chan: ofc

chan: why wouldn’t i be

bear: there have been times i liked a guy and wanted to make a move and then he’ll say something biphobic and i’m like nvm

bear: some guys don’t want to be with someone who’s been with girls (even if you are gay and were with women before you realized, like that’s still a no no) and some girls don’t want to be with someone who’s been with guys

chan: i’m not one of those guys

chan: that doesn’t matter to me

bear: good

chan: think you can get rid of me that easy?

chan: it’s gonna take a lot more than that to get me to lose interest in you

bear: my plan has been foiled

chan: ooh evil villain bear

bear: i feel like saying evil villain is redundant

bear: cause when someone’s a villain it’s already implied that they’re evil so i don’t think you have to say they’re an evil villain

chan: %

chan: whatever

bear: i’m better

chan: at what

bear: idk i just wanted to rhyme there for some reason

chan: gasp do you wish to follow my footsteps in songwriting? maybe even become...my apprentice?

bear: apprentice seems like a disrespectful term in this context 

bear: no one’s actually an apprentice unless you’re the apprentice of a wizard like don’t call yourself an apprentice if you’re just an assistant

bear: don’t use the term apprentice in vain

chan: like don’t use the lord’s name in vain?

bear: precisely

chan: so a word is your equivalent to the lord?

bear: yup

chan: that’s so you though like you’d exactly be the type of person to start a religion for ppl who love words & grammar

chan: gasp and that makes you even more like blue from love simon because he’s a grammar freak! in the books anyway, that detail was dropped in the movie

bear: you’re right it does

bear: i am a lot like blue

bear: we’re both shy & quiet & go unnoticed most of the time

chan: are you implying we’ve interacted before and i didn’t really notice you

bear: yes

bear: but i don’t blame you our interactions have been pretty unspectacular

bear: there was one when we first started texting and i didn’t knew who you were yet

bear: and one since then after i find out who you were and both times were pretty brief and boring moments

bear: real life me probably has never taken up much space in your brain

chan: i’m insulted and determined to prove you wrong

chan: you’re cute i know it I FEEL IT deep in my bones and i’ve never not noticed a cute guy

bear: but there’s a lot of cute guys out there

chan: yeah but you’re special

bear: you wouldn’t know it from just looking at me

chan: GASP

bear: what

chan: you admitted that you’re special!!!!! +1 self esteem

chan: this is monumental

chan: i’m proud of you

bear: whatever

chan: heehee

chan: but really i hope i have noticed you

chan: you deserve to be noticed

bear:

bear: i know

chan: OMGSJDJFKSKDHDJ

chan: I EXPECTED YOU TO SAY A SHY THANK YOU OR OUR JOKING WAY OF ACCEPTING COMPLIMENTS BUT YOU JUST WENT I KNOW LIKE A BAD BITCH BECAUSE YOU’RE THE SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT AS YOU SHOULD FUCK YEAH!!!!!

bear: i’m glad texts aren’t like howlers in harry potter

chan: if i had sent that to you as a howler though it would be a pretty positive howler

chan: they should have positive howlers

chan: if i was in the harry potter world that’s what i would use howlers for to just be like HEY M!!! I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU!!! A LOT AND IM REALLY GLAD YOU’RE IN MY LIFE YOU BEAUTIFUL BEING

bear: the image of that in my mind is really hilarious

chan: the image of you laughing in my mind is really adorable

bear: then it would be accurate

bear: because i am adorable

bear: ;)

chan: I LOVE CONFIDENT BEAR

 

Tuesday 7:09 PM

chan: Y, B, S2 and i are about to have cambodian food and i’m excited

chan: i love trying cuisine from different places

bear: ooh cuisine now that’s a vocabulary word

bear: and same

bear: i was roommates with this guy last year that was doing a study abroad program (he’s from argentina) and he made us a ton of awesome foods

chan: foods

chan: but hold on you were roommates with someone from a spanish speaking country for a whole ass year and you didn’t know oso was bear in spanish

bear: we mostly spoke korean okay he learned before he came here

bear: and i don’t think we talked about bears much anyway

bear: but he also taught me some spanish

bear: i just learned basic stuff like hola, como estas (or esta if you’re speaking formally) adios, gracias/de nada, donde está el baño, me encanta, and te amo

chan: what’s me encanta

bear: te amo is i love you (you can also say te quiero, or estoy enamorado which means i’m in love) but in general when you’re saying you love something you’d say encanta. like if you wanna say i love music you’d say me encanta la música. amo only applies to people, encanta is for everything else

chan: encanta reminds me of the word enchant or enchanted

bear: it’s probably supposed to be similar to that

bear: like this is enchanting or it enchants me

chan: enchanting is such a magical word  
like to be enchanted seems like such a pretty poetic state to be in

chan: and it’s a great taylor swift song

bear: that’s for sure

bear: i’m enchanted after every conversation with you

chan: !!!! flirty bear!!!!!

chan: the butterflies are quite excited

bear: what butterflies?

chan: the ones in my stomach

bear: %)

chan: have you traveled to any other countries?

bear: no i’ve been to plenty of different places in south korea but never actually left

chan: where do you wanna travel to?

bear: argentina, italy, ecuador, costa rica, columbia, puerto rico, brazil, portugal

chan: those are all spanish-esque countries

chan: 4 of them spanish is the official language & italian is quite similar to spanish & they speak portuguese in the other two which is even more similar to spanish

bear: ok honestly the thought of traveling scares me a bit because in no other country is the official language korean so unlike you you lucky duck i can’t just pop over to england or new zealand or the US and be chill

bear: when i was roommates with that guy and learned basic spanish from him so i’d feel okay going to other spanish speaking countries & if italian & portuguese are similar to spanish i could probably handle going to italy, brazil or portugal

bear: but the thought of going to a place where the language is totally foreign frightens me

chan: first of all, there are tourists everywhere, so i’m sure no matter where you go you can find people to assist you with that kind of stuff

chan: second of all, duolingo exists so if you’re about to visit egypt or something you can hit up that lil green owl for some simple arabic

chan: third of all try new things!!! even if they’re scary

chan: and fourth of all, as you so aptly pointed out, there are lots of countries where the official language is english, so you can just go to countries like that with me

bear: uwu

bear: yeah you’re right

bear: tbh there’s a lot of other places i want to go to but the language barrier always scared me and made me hold back from actually considering visiting them

bear: i just put them aside and treated them as fantasies

chan: well now that you’ve got an enchanting guy like me around, all your fantasies can become a reality

bear: hmmm

bear: all of them?

chan: what do you mean?

bear: it’s just that you said all my fantasies can become a reality, and i’ve got a lot of fantasies...

chan: oh

chan: what kinds of fantasies

bear: i think you know

chan: well...

chan: those fantasies can definitely be fulfilled too

bear: ;)

chan: iddydditsgkddydysusuys

chan: you’re so confident today i’m not used to it

bear: is that a bad thing?

chan: no, it’s actually kind of cute

bear: look at us. quoting our own conversations because we’re just THAT iconic. we’re that couple

chan:

chan: couple?

bear: oh sorry i didn’t really think before i typed

chan: that’s okay baby because eventually we will be a couple ;)

bear: okay confident bear is gone panicked bear has returned

chan: good i’ve missed him

bear: i thought your submissive ass would like me being confident

chan: first of all, AHDHSJJSJAK SUBMISSIVE

bear: it’s true

chan: and second of all, i like you best when you’re just yourself

chan: i mean if you feel more confident that’s amazing and i want you to express that if you want to but just know i like you as you are

chan: i hope that made sense

bear: it did...and it was very sweet

bear: thank you

chan: yeah i did miss shy bear

chan: glad to have him back

bear: he’s glad to be back

chan: :)

 

Wednesday 2:53 AM

chan: would you ever get a bear as a pet

bear: i don’t think that’s legal

chan: but if it was

bear: probably not

bear: the bear would be unhappy living with me

bear: seoul wouldn’t be a good environment; bears have to be in forests

bear: or the polar icecaps if you’re a polar bear but i definitely wouldn’t want a polar bear cause those mfs are big and scary

chan: but bears are your spirit animal

bear: i don’t like the using the term spirit animal cause that originated in Native American cultures and its not our place to use that term when that’s not our culture

bear: say fursona instead

chan: furries are cursed but you make a valid point

chan: take 2

chan: but bears are your fursona

bear: they are which means i care for them and don’t want them to suffer, so for the greater good they should stay in the habitat best suited for them

chan: you’re smart and right

bear: as always

chan: hey i just thought if an animal was to represent the ship that is us it would be a koala bear because you’re a bear and i’m from australia and koalas are from australia

bear: koalas aren’t bears they’re marsupials

chan: how did you know that

bear: i know my bear facts

chan: what makes something a marsupial

bear: marsupials have pouches

bear: all the marsupials i know of are from australia actually

bear: you’ve got some bangin wildlife mate

chan: look at your with your aussie slang you’ll fit right in when i take you to visit

bear: you wanna take me to visit australia?

chan: yeah if you want to

bear: i’d love to

chan: it would be cool for you to meet my family and i could show you all the places i hung out growing up and you can meet berry

bear: well of course i’d meet berry cause you said i’d meet your family and berry is a part of your family

chan: you’re so right

bear: where would you be without me

chan: i mean to be honest i’m still a huge mess just since we started talking i’ve become a mess with a dopey crush

bear: if you were one of the seven dwarves from snow white you would be dopey

chan: you’d be grumpy

bear: i would not

bear: i would be...someone else idk i can’t remember any of the other dwarves names

bear: i didn’t really like that movie

chan: what disney movies do you like?

bear: the little mermaid, beauty and the beast, enchanted, brave, ratatouille, the incredibles, wall-e, up, lilo & stitch just to name a few

chan: those are some good ones

chan: we stan an intellectual

chan: i assume high school musical is an honorable mention

bear: i’ve never seen high school musical

chan:

chan: ex

chan: cuse

chan: me?!?!?!?

chan: YOU’VE NEVER SEEN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL????

bear: listen aussie it’s hard to find disney movies online with korean subtitles i’m doing the best i can

chan: i insist you have a movie marathon and binge all 3 of them

bear: i just texted J about this concept and he was equally flabbergasted when he heard i’ve never seen high school musical before and we must get together to watch them

chan: excellent

chan: you know i’m excited to find out who you are obviously but i’m also really excited to find out who J is

chan: do you think i know him?

bear: yeah you know him

bear: i don’t think y’all are necessarily friends but i think you’re friendly

bear: i know you definitely know and like each other

chan: cool!

chan: i can’t wait to get to know him better

chan: and i can’t wait for you and your friends to become part of my friend group

bear: i’m looking forward to it too

chan: :)

chan: beaaarrr

chan: don’t run away i know i made you shy but i wanna keep talking

bear: i’d love to keep talking but it is 3:15 in the morning and i am ridiculously tired like i’m falling asleep at my desk

bear: i’m gonna get in pajamas and get to bed

bear: you should too

chan: you know what? i will

chan: i’m at the studio and normally i would just keep working but i’m gonna pack up my things and head to my room

bear: huzzah! i feel triumphant

bear: sleep well

chan: you too

bear: gnight

chan: night

 

Wednesday 8:14 AM

chan: i didn’t have breakfast and now i’m dying of famine

bear: you can’t not have breakfast channie that’s the most important meal of the day

chan: i know but i didn’t have time i slept past my alarm and when i woke up i had to get dressed and run out the door

chan: but Y’s next class is right next to the lecture hall i’m in right now and he doesn’t have a class right now so he’s going to get me something and bring it to me as he’s going to class and i’m leaving the class i’m currently in

bear: that was confusing but i’m glad you’re going to get food

chan: yee

chan: what did you have for breakfast?

bear: cut up pieces of strawberry, mango, and peaches

chan: how healthy of you

bear: my roommate’s vegan so she has a lot of healthy stuff and she shares it with me sometimes

bear: she gave me a fruit cup and i accepted but normally i’m not that responsible

chan: your roommate’s a girl? aren’t our dorms separated by gender?

bear: my roommate’s a trans woman

bear: she asked she be given a room in the girl’s dormitory but the school were assholes and wouldn’t let her

chan: ugh fuck this school

bear: seriously

chan: but we’ll be free from it soon!

bear: but our companions-J, S, Y, and S2 all have three more years of this

bear: B has 2 more and M has one more

chan: i’ll pray for them

bear: me too i’m not religious but i pray for their salvation

chan: from homophobia

bear: i gotta go women’s studies awaits

chan: okay you go study those women

bear: %

 

Wednesday 10:32 AM

changbin: hi this is changbin, chan’s friend

changbin: this is bear right? he said you wanted to sing on a song we wrote

bear: yes this is bear and i do

bear: chan never sent me the song but i’ve heard other songs he’s written & they’re amazing so i’m sure this one is too

bear: i’d be honored to be a part of it

changbin: cool!

changbin: can you tell me your real name

changbin: i know you don’t want chan to know who you are but i can know right? i won’t tell him

bear: yeah sure

bear: i’m woojin

 

Changbin and Felix gasped in unison. Changbin looked up at Felix, whose lap he was sitting on and was reading the texts over the older’s shoulder.

“Bear is-“

“Woojin is-“

“I can’t believe they’re-“

“The same-“

“Holy-“

“Shit!”

The couple stared at each other and back at the texts in awe, not knowing what to do with themselves. How should they react when they found out the mystery guy their best friend had been texting with the past couple weeks was also the SAME guy that Felix almost lost his virginity to five months ago?

 

~Flashback~

Felix had been at a Halloween party a girl from his economics class invited him to. It didn’t take him long after arriving to realize that he didn’t want to be there. Changbin was there, making out with everyone in sight. Guys, girls-it didn’t matter. Everyone. It left Felix feeling shitty, as he was harboring a massive crush on the older. Not to mention that none of Felix’s other friends were there. He spent most of the night being lonely and awkward in a corner, trying to muster up the courage to talk to people but never actually doing it. No matter how many drinks Felix had, it didn’t make him have any more fun. Now he was just sad and drunk.

Eventually Felix decided he wanted to leave, and he was about to make his way out when someone fell into his lap. Literally.

“Sorry!” The aforementioned someone peeled themselves off of Felix’s legs and tried to right themselves, but wobbled. They were clearly drunk.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked as he stood up.

“I should be asking you that. I’m again, really sorry for just landing on you like that. I don’t have much balance when I’m drunk.”

“I can tell.” The drunk stranger chuckled shyly. The more Felix looked at them, the more Felix realized-they were kind of cute.

“What’s your name?”

“Woojin.”

“I’m Felix.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Would you be interested in getting out of here?”

“Sure.”

So the two made their way out of the party and walked around campus, talking and laughing. Felix wasn’t sure if Woojin was just funny or if their intoxicated states made everything extra amusing, but he knew he was having a good time anyway.  
At one point, they were walking on benches when Felix slipped.

“Careful!” Woojin placed his hands on Felix’s waist, catching him and stopping him from falling forward. Felix’s heart started to hammer, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he almost fell or because a cute guy was touching him.

Felix wanted to look at Woojin, but he was scared Woojin would let go if he turned around. So he backed up the slightest bit and let himself fall back into Woojin’s chest. Luckily, Woojin only furthered the contact by putting his arms around Felix.

A small part of Felix felt guilty-like he was betraying Changbin. But it’s not like they were dating. And Changbin had spent the whole night making out with other people anyway, so why should Felix feel bad just for slightly cuddling with someone else?  
Felix felt himself grow warmer inside when Woojin placed his chin on Felix’s shoulder, which put their faces right next to each other.

“The stars look amazing tonight,” Woojin remarked. Felix hummed in agreement.

“You know what else looks amazing?”  
Felix rolled his eyes in preparation, a bit disappointed Woojin was about to say such a cheesy and predictable line, but he accepted it.

“Me.”

Felix laughed out loud, delighted that Woojin had subverted his expectations.

“I gotta agree with you there.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence-except it wasn’t completely comfortable, because all of a sudden, goosebumps popped up and down Felix’s arms. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but there was a change in the air, and all of a sudden, everything felt more intense.

“Felix?” Woojin whispered.

“Yeah?” Felix turned his head slightly to make eye contact with Woojin.

“Can I kiss you?”

Felix beamed. “Yes.”

And they were kissing, and at first it was sweet, and soft, and gentle, and Felix turned around in Woojin’s arms to face him, and cupped Woojin’s cheek with his hand, and Woojin ran his hands through Felix’s hair, and Felix felt safe and content and warm.

But soon enough the kiss grew desperate. It was faster, and more heated, and intense and full of wanting. And Felix was running his hands down Woojin’s hips, and Woojin’s hands were under Felix’s shirt, and then Woojin was kissing and sucking Felix’s neck and Felix was moaning and then Woojin was pulling away, staring Felix dead in the eyes, and asking where his room was.

And then suddenly they were in Felix’s room (Chan wasn’t there, thank god, he was probably at the studio, knowing him) and Woojin had pushed Felix down on his bed and was kissing him furiously and his hands moved down to Felix’s waist.

“Can...can I...” Woojin panted, his hands over Felix’s belt buckle, asking permission to take off the younger’s pants. Felix nodded vigorously and in no time, they were gone. Then Woojin was kissing Felix’s neck again, and Felix whined and pulled frantically at Woojin’s shirt, begging for the older to take it off. Woojin obliged as quickly as he could. They continued kissing and more items of clothes disappeared and then they were just in their boxers.

“Do you...” Woojin said breathlessly in between kisses. “Do you have condoms?”

Felix hesitated, but nodded. (He didn’t have any, but Chan did.) He got out of the bed and went over to Chan’s nightstand. He found the box of condoms and luckily, a bottle of lube next to it. Felix took the items and brought them over to his nightstand. He jumped back into his bed and quickly kissed Woojin again. He turned around and went to grab the lube-but then he heard crying.

Felix turned around to see Woojin sobbing.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m-I’m sorry-I-I don’t know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me...I’m the one who asked to go to your room and asked if you had condoms and I’m sorry...” Woojin buried his face in his knees. Felix melted and moved forward, pulling Woojin’s knees away, and hugged him. The older sobbed into Felix’s shoulder, leaving Felix’s skin wet, but Felix didn’t care.

“Shh, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s just..” Woojin pulled away, wiped at his eyes, and sniffled.

“That was my first kiss.”

Felix’s eyebrows went up. “What?”

“You’re...you’re my first kiss, Felix.”

“Does that mean...does that mean you’re a virgin?”

Woojin nodded, seeming somewhat ashamed.

“Oh Woojin...I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?”

“Sorry that you couldn’t have had a better first kiss.”

“Are you kidding? You’re amazing at it. I’m lucky that my first kiss could be with you.”

Felix smiled. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Thanks.” Woojin sniffled some more before continuing.

“I thought I could do this-I thought I wanted to do this, but I just realized I don’t want to have my first time with someone I don’t know.”

“I totally understand. That would have been my first time too, so I’m kind of glad you stopped it. I think I want to save it and wait until I’m with someone I really love.”

Woojin nodded. “I’m still sorry.”

“Why? You have nothing to be sorry for. Stop apologizing.”

“For crying. I feel like such a mess.”

“It’s okay. If you hadn’t, I probably would have started crying too at some point. The more I think about it...I realize that I don’t want it. Yeah, I’m glad you stopped it.”

“You’re-you’re welcome, I guess.”

Felix chuckled slightly and wiped away some more of Woojin’s tears with his thumb. He leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Woojin then put his hands in Felix’s hair and the younger leaned in, and they were kissing again, but it now was slow, and soft, and gentle. It might have been the best kiss Felix had ever had.

All of the other kisses had been Felix trying to convince himself he was straight, or spin the bottle, or with people Felix felt nothing for. But now Felix was kissing a person and feeling something at the same time. And it was really nice.

Eventually Woojin pulled away.

“Thank you. For...for being so cool.”

“Thank you, for stopping us both from doing something we’d probably regret.”

Woojin nodded and exhaled. “I think I’ll go now.”

“Do you need help getting back to your dorm? I’m still pretty drunk and already bad with directions when I’m sober, so I probably shouldn’t take you, but I can text my roommate and ask him to come by and accompany you.”

“That’s okay. I got this.”

“Okay. Be safe.”

Woojin put his clothes back on. He looked at Felix again, then leaned down and gave him one last kiss.

“Bye Felix.”

“Bye Woojin.”

~End of Flashback~

 

“Should we tell Chan?” Changbin bit his thumbnail as Felix paced across the room.

“I don’t know! I know they hadn’t started talking yet, but I kind of feel like I broke the bro code or something. I feel sort of...guilty.” Felix collapsed back onto Changbin’s bed on the last word.

“But doesn’t he have a right to know?”

Felix rubbed his arm awkwardly. “Does he have to know?”

Changbin sighed. “Do you really not want to tell him?”

“Does it make me a terrible friend if I don’t tell him?”

“I don’t think so. But I also feel like we’d be lying if we didn’t tell him.”

Felix groaned. “I know. You’re right.”

Changbin lay down on his back next to Felix.

“It’s really your thing to tell, so it’s ultimately up to you. And I’ll support you no matter what you decide.”

Felix turned his head to look at his boyfriend and smiled gratefully. “Thanks babe. It means a lot.”

“Of course. I’m by your side, no matter what.”

Felix leaned in and kissed the older, who gladly reciprocated. Soon enough they were making out, and Changbin was moaning, which made Felix moan and go to kiss and suck on the older’s neck, and Changbin was tugging at Felix’s hair, and Felix’s heart was racing, and without hesitation, he went to his nightstand, because he knew Changbin was someone he loved and wanted to share this with.

 

Wednesday 11:42 AM

chan: i’m lonely

bear: that’s a feeling i know all too well

chan: i want to scream taylor swift lyrics so badly now

bear: you have my permission to spam the chat

chan: AND THERE WE ARE AGAIN WHEN I LOVED YOU SO

chan: BACK BEFORE YOU LOST THE ONE REAL THING YOU’VE EVER KNOWN YOU CAN’T GET RID OF IT

chan: YOU REMEMBER IT AAAAALL TOO WELL

chan: WIND IN MY HAIR, YOU WERE THERE, YOU REMEMBER IT ALL

chan: DOWN THE STAIRS, YOU WERE THERE, YOU REMEMBER IT ALL

chan: RUNNING SCARED I WAS THERE I REMEMBER IT AAAALL TOO WELL

chan: *guitar noises*

chan: *or whatever the fuck that instrument was*

bear: okay now i gotta listen to this song

bear: i used to be obsessed with taylor swift i went to a concert she did in seoul when i was 12

bear: and then i got older and kind of just forgot about her but from what you just screamed it seems her lyrics are still pretty lit

bear: they aren’t as good as yours but still pretty stellar

chan: i write better lyrics than a grammy award winning artist i feel honored

bear: you’re cute

bear: but idk why taylor’s a guilty pleasure of yours there’s nothing to feel guilty about

bear: no need to be a closeted swiftie embrace it

chan: you know what you’re right

bear: yes i am

bear: no surprise there

chan: #

bear: i expected you to do the rolling eyes

chan: i wanted to but like i came up with this # to represent shaking my head and never used it again and i feel bad for abandoning it like my child i’m sorry i didn’t mean to neglect you

bear: lol okay valid

chan: oh i gotta go Y just got here and he wants to talk to me

chan: i’ll text you later

bear: cool say hi to Y for me

chan: will do

chan: bye

 

“Bear says hi, by the way. Now what’s up?” Chan turned off his phone, tossed it aside, and looked up at Felix, giving all his attention to the freshman.

“Just do you know, this happened before I knew who Bear was, so please don’t be mad at me.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Felix sighed and twisted the fabric of his shirt in his hands.

“I was with Changbin earlier, and after you gave him Bear’s number, he texted him. And Bear told Changbin who he was. And...I know Bear. We...um, we...kissed. A lot. We met at a Halloween party and made out a bunch and were about to have sex but we ended up not doing it. I’m sorry.”

Chan tilted his head. “That’s...it?”

Felix brought his eyes up from his lap. “What do you mean?”

“You made it seem like you’d done this terrible thing, but I’m not mad at you for that. That was before Bear and I started talking. Why would I be mad? If anything, that’s just cool because it means we have the same taste in guys.”

The corners of Felix’s mouth turned up.

“So we’re good?”

“Of course! You did nothing wrong.”

Felix exhaled and Chan felt like he could physically see a weight being lifted off the younger’s shoulders.

“I was really stressed out about it, but I’m better now that I know you’re okay with it.”

“Oh sweetie, you were stressed?” Chan sucked his teeth in disapproval. He patted a spot next to him on his bed.

“Come here.”

Felix got off his bed and went over to Chan’s, and Chan immediately pulled him into a hug. Felix buried himself deeper into Chan, who snuggled up to the younger as much as he could. Chan felt a warm feeling bloom in his chest-one he hadn’t felt since he last visited Australia, and saw his family. When Chan last saw his younger siblings.

Honestly, even though most of Chan’s friends were younger than him, they rarely felt like it. Changbin felt like a twin brother to Chan sometimes, and Minho could be somewhat immature, but he rarely felt like a little brother. And with the other three, (Jisung, Felix, and Seungmin) Chan usually saw them as the same age as him, and it was rare he’d be reminded of the age difference. There would be moments where Chan would try to be like “now I’m your hyung,” and act like a mature figure, but normally Chan forgot all his friends were younger than him. But in this moment, cuddling Felix, Chan felt like an older brother again.

“You know, I really want you to be happy, hyung. And when we first met, I saw how much you were hurting, because the guy you with at the time really wasn’t good to you.”

Chan felt himself droop at the reminder of his last relationship, which had cut him deeper than any romance he’d ever had before.

“But you managed to heal and move on, and now whenever you talk to Bear, or about him, it’s like a complete 180 from how you were with that other guy. He makes you so happy, and I’m really glad. I just want you to be happy.”

Chan smiled and pulled away to look at Felix, tucking a lock of hair behind the younger’s ear.

“I know, Lix. I just want you to be happy too. I love you.” Chan said this in English, knowing that hearing his native tongue would make Felix more comfortable. Felix grinned brightly and echoed Chan’s last three words, but in Korean. Chan cooed and started to annoyingly praise Felix on how his Korean had improved so much in such little time and how he was so proud of him, and Felix whined and tried to get away and insisted that knowing how to say I love you wasn’t that hard, and Chan didn’t have to make a big deal out of it, but it all fell upon deaf ears. And honestly, Felix didn’t really care.

 

Wednesday 4:37 PM

bear: i want dulce de leche

bear: my old roommate used to make it for us

chan: sir this is a mcdonald’s drive through

bear: okay then i want a mcdulce de leche

chan: do they have mcdonald’s in argentina

bear: duh

bear: tonta

chan: i don’t know what that means

bear: it’s the spanish version of dumbass

chan: meanie!!

chan: what’s the spanish version of meanie cause that’s what i’m gonna call you

bear: guapo

chan: okay then you’re a guapo

bear: jajajajajaja

chan: ????

bear: that’s what spanish speaking ppl say instead of hahahahaha cause j makes the h sound in spanish

bear: and i’m laughing cause guapo doesn’t actually mean meanie it means handsome

chan: ugh i should have checked google translate first

chan: i really am a tarantula

bear: tonta

chan: i know i just wanted to seem dumb

bear: ????

bear: why?

chan: cause that’s our thing i’m dumb and you scold me and we banter and flirt over that

chan: that’s just how it goes that’s how our characters would be described in a script if we were a movie

chan: IF WE WERE A MOVIE YOU’D BE THE RIGHT GUY AND I’D BE THE BEST FRIEND YOU’D FALL IN LOVE WITH IN THE END

chan: COME BACK COME BACK COME BACK TO MEEEEE LIKE YOU WOULD YOU WOULD IF THIS WAS A MOVIE

chan: IT WAS JUST LIKE A MOVIE...IT WAS JUST LIKE A SONG....

bear: hannah montana, taylor swift, and adele

chan: so you’ve seen hannah montana but not high school musical

chan: that’s so depressing for you hannah montana is like the worst of disney channel

bear: DONT TALK ABOUT MILEY, LILY, OLIVER, JACKSON, AND ROBBIE RAY LIKE THAT

bear: first you have serious lack of taste with picking your favorite ninja turtle and now you can’t see the beauty of hannah montana

bear: i feel sorry for you honestly

chan: trust me you’ll be singing a different tune once you see high school musical

bear: hold on we gotta go back to something

bear: but this discussion isn’t over clearly you need a serious intervention because your opinions are concerning

bear: anyway you don’t have to act like you’re dumb

bear: you don’t have to act like anything you’re not

bear: be yourself-i like who you are

chan: :)

chan: thanks

chan: and i am being myself just sometimes i like to pretend my life is a movie

bear: i would call you weird but i think i get it

chan: you always do

bear: always do what

chan: get it

chan: or me, at least. you always get me

bear: :)

chan: ok can we go back to talking about disney channel now?

bear: i heard your whiny voice say that

chan: cause i was there

chan: you just couldn’t see me cause i’m a ghost

bear: if you were a ghost you’d be casper the friendly ghost

chan: YOU’VE SEEN CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST AND NOT HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

bear: i didn’t say i’ve seen it

chan: have you?

bear:

chan: troy bolton did not risk his reputation, friendships, championship game, and audition for this

chan: and that’s just the first movie don’t get me started on all the sacrifices he made in the others like he does all of this and yet

bear: no spoilers

chan: then go watch it already tontina

chan: i genuinely forgot this time

bear: because you really are tonta

chan: :p

bear: your passion for high school musical seems to be so strong im surprised we haven’t talked about it before

chan: tbh i forgot about it for a while but then i watched it recently with S & S2 and was reminded

bear: BITCH YOU FOUND A VERSION OF IT WITH KOREAN SUBTITLES FOR FREE THAT WONT GIVE YOU A VIRUS??? GIMME A LINK

chan: no sorry we watched a normal one-S and S2 are both fluent in english

bear: grrrr

chan: why do i feel like you growling would be kind of hot

chan: like beware it’s scary bear but also ooh

bear: because you’re a furry

chan: WTF NO IM NOT

chan: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED WE SAY FURSONA INSTEAD OF SPIRIT ANIMAL

chan: YOU’RE THE FURRY HERE

bear: that was because i couldn’t think of an alternative and didn’t want to be racist

chan: okay but like your name is literally bear we’ve discussed you are a bear and you said it was a fursona are you really going to try and deny that you are a fury

bear: i am definitely not a monster from greek mythology

chan: istg

bear: jajajajajaja

chan: more evil laughter?

bear: yes because i delight in annoying you

chan: i strongly dislike you

bear: i like you too babycakes

chan:

chan:

chan:

bear: you just sent three blank texts

chan: i’m aware

chan: it was me malfunctioning

bear: %

chan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE ROLLING YOUR EYES CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR MALFUNCTIONING????

chan: YOU! CALLED! ME! BABY! CAKES!

chan: THAT MAY JUST BE THE CUTEST GODDAMNED THING I’VE EVER FUCKING HEARD

bear: i think you’re the cutest goddamned thing i’ve ever fucking heard

chan: you mean seen? or the cutest person you’ve ever known?

bear: sure that works too

bear: but i’ve also heard your voice and it’s cute

chan: your voice is cute too

bear: gracias

chan: de...nada?

bear: perfecto

 

Wednesday 10:30 PM

bear: i’m making my way through taylor’s albums and lemme just say jump then fall is cute as shit

bear: i’m just looking up lyric translations and i’m like girl how did you have relationships this adorable in high school to inspire these songs all i had in high school were the brief glances i would exchange with guys when i passed by the pride parade in june a couple times & the once in a blue moon girl who saw past my shyness to speak to me

chan: okay but hold on what about debut???

bear: you mean her first album???

chan: yeah that’s what we call it in the fandom

bear: oh you really are in deep

bear: you were trying to play it off like she was just a guilty pleasure when you’re a wholeass swifter jet

chan: guilty as charged

bear: but to answer your question, i haven’t listened to debut yet-i wanted to go in order but i couldn’t download it earlier

bear: my dorm has shitty wifi so i went to J’s room to download all her albums but i ended up going backwards so i started with her most recent one

bear: and J kicked me out before the first one was able to start downloading

chan: ah okay gotcha

chan: i’m eagerly anticipating your opinions on it

chan: it’s tied with red for my favorite album of hers

bear: the only complete album of hers i’ve heard is speak now

chan: even the bonus tracks?

bear: even the bonus tracks

chan: then what are your thoughts on superman?

bear: it just makes me sad because she says loved you from the very first day and the secret message of dear john was loved you from the first day or something like that so superman is most definitely about john mayer

chan: yeah i know and that’s a valid reason for not liking it that’s why most swifties don’t like it

chan: some don’t like it cause they thought it was about her dad

bear: and i oop

bear: that just made me realize her dad has no songs

bear: her mom has at least two-the best day and never grow up

bear: but where are mr. swift’s songs

chan: yeah tay like what about poor scotty give him a song

bear: if i ever met taylor i would ask her to write her father a song please because she wrote her mother two and her father none and i feel bad for scott

chan: you know how to say all that in english?

bear: nope but you can teach me how to say it

chan: lol okay

bear: my roommate’s not here so i just went OFF to the other side of the door

chan: that one really slaps

bear: quite the banger

chan: WITH YOUR FACE AND THE BEAUTIFUL EYES AND THE CONVERSATION AND THE LITTLE WHITE LIES AND THE FADED PICTURE OF A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT YOU (small gasp) CARRY ME FROM YOUR CAR UP THE STAIRS

bear: AND I BROKE DOWN CRYING WAS SHE WORTH THIS MESS AFTER EVERYTHING AND THAT LITTLE BLACK DRESS AFTER EVERYTHING I MUST CONFESS I NE-ED...YOU

chan: that would be so much fun to scream live

bear: god i know

bear: fearless is my favorite album opener and my favorite title track like truly who’s doing it like her

bear: i remember when i went to her concert and she performed fearless she sang seoul, south korea capture it remember it

bear: and i felt so special cause i was like that’s the city we’re in! that’s my country!

chan: yeah when she performed that song she always changed the lyric to the name of the place she was performing in

chan: when i saw her in sydney for that tour she sang sydney australia, capture it remember it 

bear: that’s such a cute idea

bear: and this is such a cute song like i want a first date that’s like this song

chan: ours will be

bear: okay that was extra cute because ours is the title of another taylor song-one that is frankly, for the gays

chan: I KNOW

bear: i mean-it’s not theirs to speculate if it’s wrong? seems like there’s always someone who disapproves? they’ll judge it like they know about me and you? the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do?

chan: those all make perfect sense when you think of it being about a same sex couple

bear: i know

chan: ours is a gay anthem and we love her

bear: truly

bear: oh now it’s love story this could be another gay anthem

bear: with the whole forbidden love thing it makes sense

bear: i know she says prince & princess & romeo and juliet but whatever

bear: this love is difficult, but it’s real is a very gay line like don’t try to tell me that wasn’t in brokeback mountain

chan: lmao i won’t argue with you

chan: i’m all for interpreting taylor’s songs to be about gayness

bear: i thought you might be

bear: i’ve heard hey stephen and i don’t like it so i’m skipping it

chan: she deserves better than this

bear: taylor?

chan: no the song hey stephen she deserves better

bear: %)

bear: i’m on white horse now and hello cello this is about to be sad isn’t it

chan: yup

bear: if i remember correctly dear john is track 5 on speak now

bear: is all too well track 5 on red?

chan: ding ding ding!

chan: she claims it’s not on purpose but she’s made every track 5 on every single one of her albums a really emotional song

chan: with 1989 it was slightly less so & reputation it wasn’t entirely sad but they’ve definitely all been quite emotional

bear: i’m looking forward to the track 5 from album 1 and the other 2 you just said

bear: i’m too into the song to bother actually going back to our texts to see what they were

chan: understandable & i respect it

chan: Y needs me to help him with homework so i’m gonna go

chan: but i hope y’all have fun!

bear: y’all? i’m alone

chan: you’re not

bear: ?

chan: cause taylor’s there

bear: that could either be very comforting or very creepy

bear: like in hard times, always remember that taylor swift is with you, or like hey taylor swift is always there watching. you are never alone

chan: i would watch a horror movie where taylor was the villain

bear: wasn’t that the reputation tour movie?

chan: you got me there

chan: ok i really gotta go now bye

bear: bye

 

Thursday 1:05 AM

bear: sis really snapped with better than revenge

chan: that’s for sure

bear: i was just skimming through speak now again-i remembered it pretty well though as I listened to it obsessively in middle school

chan: mood

bear: i’m about to start red and i feel scared for some reason

bear: i feel like this is about to be a really wild ride emotionally

chan: WAIT

bear: yes

chan: the tracklist of red is all over the place and honestly feels really random

chan: i made a playlist with it in the order i think it should be in-and a song that’s technically not hers but she wrote and was originally going to be on red before it got cut-and you should listen to that version instead i’ll give you the link

bear: i have shitty wifi remember

chan: i’ll give you the link anyway and you can listen tomorrow

bear: but i wanna listen to it now

bear: i hope you read that in a whining tone because i said it whinily in my head

chan: whinily is not a word

bear: i know it’s 1 am okay shut up

chan: i know you want to listen to it now, but my version’s better and you need to sleep

bear: so do you

chan: i know

bear: so let’s agree to both go to sleep now

chan: okay

chan: goodnight

bear: you better actually be going to bed sir

chan: i am!!

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

chan: i got my scooby doo pajamas and everything

bear: fuck you’re cute

chan: i know

chan: but thanks anyways carino

chan: i googled spanish pet names earlier

bear: you know that’s not how you spell it right

bear: the n is different

chan: i know but i don’t have a spanish keyboard

bear: esta bien mi cielo

chan: ...gracias?

bear: i said it’s okay my sky

bear: when my roommate would be on the phone with his mom she called him that a lot 

bear: mi cielo

chan: i love it it’s really sweet

chan: i think that’s my favorite nickname you’ve ever given me

bear: should it replace angel?

chan: sure i wouldn’t mind a shake up

bear: whatever you want my sky

chan: no say it in spanish

chan: it sounds better-and more romantic that way

bear: whatever you want mi cielo

chan: heehee

chan: or should i say jaja

bear: sure

bear: now go to sleep

chan: you too

bear: i am

bear: goodnight

chan: goodnight

 

Thursday 8:11 AM

chan: i hate you

bear: it’s mutual

bear: but why

chan: i just wanted to see your reaction

chan: and now i’m hurt

bear: %

bear: what did you want me to say

chan: i wanted you to be hurt

bear: i knew you weren’t serious

chan: were you?

bear: ofc

bear: i’m just here for your abs remember

chan: you know what i was serious i do hate you

bear: i’m glad we’re on the same page

chan: i’ve had it up to here

bear: i can imagine wherever here is isn’t very high cause you’re short

chan: shut UP

chan: ok don’t really

chan: i’m sorry i didn’t mean it

chan: bearrr

chan: pls come back

chan: bear?

bear: sorry i’m here

chan: you ok?

chan: you know i wasn’t serious right

bear: i know i’m fine

bear: i disappeared because this guy came up to me and asked me out

chan: oh

chan: really?

bear: yeah

bear: idk if you know him but his name’s namjoon

bear: we have songwriting together

chan: did you say yes?

bear: of course not

chan: what do you mean

bear: i like you stupid

chan: right

bear: ....why are you acting like this is new information

chan: i get insecure remember

chan: and namjoon has abs too

chan: his abs are better than mine

bear: chan you both have six packs how can your abs be compared if they look the same

bear: your abs are at equal level

chan: so his abs are better than mine

bear: ????

bear: when did i say that?

bear: in fact i said the opposite

chan: saying the opposite would be saying my abs are better than his but you didn’t say that

chan: you didn’t want to admit his abs are better because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings

bear: %

bear: your abs look the same

chan: do they

bear: yes

bear: abs aside you’re hotter than him in general anyway

bear: and i don’t even know him i know you though and i like you

bear: so i’m not going on a date with him

chan: are you sure you don’t want to go? just in case i mean maybe you’ll end up liking him 

bear: seriously?

chan: ...yeah

bear: are you okay?

chan: can i call you?

bear: yeah just hold on a sec

bear: ok go ahead

 

“Hello?” Chan felt a small rush of relief flow through him when he heard Bear’s voice.

“Hi.”

“What’s going on?”

Chan took a deep breath. “How can you expect me to not get jealous and insecure?”

“Elaborate please.”

“You’re an amazing guy, Bear. You could have anyone you wanted. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if you had parades of guys asking you out. And it wouldn’t surprise me if sooner or later, you wanted to say yes to one of them. So of course I’m going to get insecure. Because....I think you’re too good for me, Bear.”

There was a pause, and Chan wondered if he’d ruined everything.

“Are you...breaking up with me? Or something?” Chan heard Bear’s voice quiver on the last word, about to break.

“No! No, no, of course not.”

“You seriously think I’M too good for YOU?”

“Yeah.”

Bear sighed. “I really do hate you.”

Chan’s heart sank. “Really?”

“No! God, you are so stupid! I want to find you and hit you. I like you! A whole fucking lot! And I want to be your boyfriend! You fucking idiot! You’re so annoying, Jesus Christ.”

Chan hesitated. “I can’t tell whether you’re trying to make me feel better or proving my point.”

Bear seemed like he’d been about to say something, but he stopped himself and took a deep breath.

“I seriously cannot believe you actually think these things about yourself. I can’t believe that you can’t see how incredible you are. I don’t understand how YOU can like ME so much but not see that you’re just...god, I can’t even put it into words. You might just be the best person I’ve ever met.” Bear paused. “Don’t tell J.”

Chan stifled a chuckle. “I won’t.”

“I don’t know how to make you see that you’re insanely sweet and kind and funny and caring and adorable and you’ve got a beautiful mind that creates breathtaking art and your passion is astounding. I think I don’t deserve YOU because I’m a boring coward that overthinks everything but somehow you see me as...I don’t even know. I can’t even fathom, can’t contemplate how you see me the way you do because I’m not worthy of that but here we are.”

Chan brought his knees up to his chest, snuggling into himself.

“I promise you that I don’t have eyes for anyone else, Bang Chan. You’re the one that I want.”

Chan paused, but then started singing a song from the musical Grease with the same title-and then stopped when he realized Bear was singing it too. Bear stopped as soon as he realized Chan stopped, and there was silence. But somehow, they nonverbally communicated about when to start singing again and they resumed their duet before bursting into giggles.

“So you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay. Thank you.”

“Of course. I should go now, cause I’m kind of skipping class.”

“Shit. Sorry.”

“You should be. You’re such a bad influence, Channie.” Bear chuckled.

“Text you later?”

“Yeah.”

“Later stupid.”

 

“So long, meanie.”

 

Tuesday 11:54 AM

chan: M came out! he and S are 1000%, totally & completely together now

bear: woo!!! *pops imaginary champagne bottle*

chan: *catches imaginary cork*

bear: tell him i say congrats! i’m happy for him and S

chan: i’m happy for them too

chan: now there’s only one more couple in our friend group that has to get their shit together and well, get together already

bear: S2 & his roommate?

chan: yup

chan: i don’t know what’s taking them so long

bear: i think the same thing that took B & Y so long

bear: fear

bear: admitting your feelings is scary

chan: even if you know the other person likes you back?

bear: maybe they don’t know the other person likes them back because they’re stupid clueless gays

chan: good point

chan: i’ll have to concoct a plan to make them see that they’re in love with each other

bear: i got class so i’ll leave you to it

bear: happy concocting

 

“Seungminnie! Are you in there? It’s Chan hyung.” Chan grinned to himself, knowing fully well Seungmin wasn’t there. He had a private vocal lesson right now.

Hyunjin opened the door, looking wrecked, and Chan’s smile immediately faded.

“Hey Chan. Seungmin isn’t here right now. I’ll let him now you stopped by.” Hyunjin sounded like Eeyore when he spoke.

“Hold on!” Chan held the door open with his arm, as Hyunjin had been about to close it.

“Are you okay?”

Hyunjin looked down at the ground and then up at Chan, biting his lip. He shook his head.

“Can I come in?”

“One second.” Hyunjin shut the door a bit and went back into his room. Chan heard him say something, presumably to someone he was on the phone with.

“I gotta go, your boyfriend’s here.” Chan furrowed his brows in confusion. Chan wasn’t dating anyone. Who could Hyunjin be talking to?

Before Chan could wonder anymore, Hyunjin returned and opened the door fully, allowing the older to walk in. Hyunjin closed the door and lay down on his bed on his back. Chan sat down next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

Hyunjin sighed. “I don’t think I can ever be with Seungmin.”

Chan’s insides twisted. “Why not?”

“Because.....because look at the world we live in. Boys can’t just date each other without there being consequences.”

“There are gay couples everywhere, no matter how homophobic the society is.”

Hyunjin sat up. “I know we could date, theoretically, but it would be dangerous. I don’t want to risk that. I don’t-I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if something happened to Seungmin because...because of me,” Hyunjin finished, his voice getting softer towards the end.

Chan put his arms around Hyunjin. The younger put his head on Chan’s shoulder.

“I don’t think you should deny yourself love just because there are bigots out there. You should do what makes you happy. Besides, this way, you’re giving the homophobes what they want. They want you to feel ashamed. They want you to hide. They want you to not be who you are and love who you love. Don’t give them that satisfaction. They don’t deserve it. But YOU deserve to be happy. And don’t underestimate the amount of progress we’ve made. Times are changing. Things are getting better. You’d be surprised. So I don’t think you need to worry to much.”

Hyunjin lifted his head up to look at Chan. “Really?”

“Really.”

“But what if I’m putting Seungmin in danger?”

“If Seungmin decides to be with you, that’s his choice too. You’re not making him do anything he doesn’t want to do, and he’s smart. He’ll know what could happen if you two are together. You’re not putting him in danger. If anything, you two are leaping into it together. Not because the world is extra dangerous for queer people, but just because love is dangerous. For all of us. But in the best way.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “That’s the cheesiest thing you could have said.”

“Is that a challenge? Cause I can do much worse than that, I promise. You know Seungmin, the apple of your eye, your boo, your bae-“

“Shut up!” Hyunjin shoved Chan off, who was giggling.

There was a knock on the door. “Hey Jinnie, can you let me in? I forgot my keys.”

“I’ll give you two some space.” Chan winked at Hyunjin before leaving, feeling like he’d helped this match get together successfully.

 

Thursday 12:36 PM

bear: hey you never sent me the link to your playlist

chan: oh yeah you’re right

chan: {spotify link}

bear: red in the right order? i feel like you’re sassing ms. swift

chan: i would never

bear: if i was her and i saw that i’d be like so this bitch thinks he knows how the tracklist of my album should be more than i do

bear: like taylor presented an order of songs and you were like nope you’re wrong, that’s wrong, this is my version and it’s right

bear: just a bit sassy

chan: oh no i didn’t mean to! i’m sorry tay i never intended to be disrespectful

bear: lol you sound like you’re asking a god for mercy

chan: bold of you to assume i’m not

chan: taylor swift is my god

chan: especially after don’t blame me (2017)

bear: i won’t ask

chan: you’ll see

bear: ooh these lyrics on state of grace are fire

bear: i said fire cause there’s a lyric that says twin fire signs

chan: yeah i got it

bear: good

bear: i know there’s a fearless tour movie, a speak now tour movie, (not that i technically need it cause i went to the speak now tour) a 1989 tour movie and a reputation tour movie-but is there a red tour movie?

chan: sadly, no

chan: it is one of the greatest tragedies in our fandom

bear: why not

bear: that is also meant to be read in a whiny tone

chan: i got you

chan: and there is one like it exists but taylor stopped the release cause the director sexually assaulted someone

bear: ugh that’s awful

chan: yeah

chan: there are some actually decent vids on youtube though i’ll send some links later

bear: yeet thank you mi cielo

bear: I wanted me to tell you he says hi-he’s on facetime with J right now

bear: i’m in J’s room and J’s poor roommate is just trying to do homework but he has to deal with us

chan: i send him my regards

chan: i know the struggle of trying to get work done when friends are keeping you from doing otherwise all too well

bear: AND THERE WE ARE AGAIN ON THAT LITTLE TOWN STREET

chan: YOU ALMOST RAN THE RED CAUSE YOU WERE LOOKING OVER AT ME

bear: WIND IN MY HAIR, I WAS THERE, I REMEMBER IT AAAALL TOO WELL

chan: some ppl in the fandom think that one’s overrated and i get why they think that but it legit is incredible

bear: you’re right and you should say it

bear: gasp i just realized in your version of red all too well is no longer track 5 what are you doing you can’t mess with the natural order of things like that

chan: trust me come back be here is still plenty emotional

chan: not as emotional as all too well but still i think it makes a good track 5

bear: okay now i’m listening to it and i must agree it is very good

bear: i can’t find a lyric translation so idk if it compares to the lyrics of all too well but sonically its great

chan: i can translate them for you

bear: you sure?

chan: yeah how hard could it be

bear: thanks babycakes

chan: i giggled

bear: cute

chan: no u

chan: i may not respond for a bit cause i’m translating but feel free to keep texting me your reactions

bear: will do

bear: i’m on the moment i knew-oh shit there’s a cello is this about to be sad

chan: no comment

bear: it was rhetorical now go away

chan: bossy

chan: hot

bear: shut up

bear: okay vocals i see you

bear: that cello god it gives me goosebumps

bear: god i really want to know what all of this means

bear: i changed my mind can you please translate the moment i knew for me instead of come back be here

chan: affirmative

bear: you’re the best

chan: i know

chan: fair warning translating songs is hard and im probably not good at it so this translation might suck i’m sorry if it does

chan: it’s a very story based song so i could explain the lyrics to you if you’re confused after seeing my translation

bear: thank you

chan: of course

bear: okay into the next one the track that taylor wrote but isn’t hers

bear: this is very country but i’m not mad about it

bear: i hear you in that chorus tay with your eh eh ehs

bear: gasp taylor sang another line! i think she sang three different lines and some eh eh ehs now that’s a solid feature

bear: unlike breathe featuring colbie calliat because honestly where the hell is colbie in that song like where is she taylor where is she

bear: it’s an amazing song i love it

bear: but where’s colbie tay

chan: i’m taking a break cause my brain is tired

bear: you don’t have to do this like i wouldn’t blame you if you changed your mind

chan: nonsense i’m merely taking una siesta

bear: that’s a nap

chan: never mind then but you get what i mean

bear: what are your favorite songs from red?

chan: holy ground, the moment i knew, treacherous, begin again, starlight and the lucky one

bear: are these popular or unpopular opinions in the fandom?

chan: holy ground is a fan favorite, no one talks about the moment i knew cause it’s hella obscure, treacherous is pretty popular, begin again i think is sort of on the fence, no one talks about starlight & ppl barely talk about the lucky one 

bear: good to know you’re not a basic bitch

chan: are you sure i’m not a basic bitch

chan: you might want to double check just to be sure

bear: bro you’re right

bear: the wisdom i’m shaking

chan: please cease verbal communication

bear: but we’re not talking verbally we’re talking over text

chan: then cease all forms of communication

bear: that seems a bit excessive

chan: i can only handle your sarcasm so much

chan: and being called bro? i don’t appreciate it

chan: it’s very no homo but we’re very homo

chan: so i’m gonna have to take away your rights

bear: you’ve got a point and it’s valid

chan: i do and thank you

bear: J needs my help for a project so i must cease communication with you for a bit but you know i’ll be back

chan: unfortunately

bear: :p

chan: have fun sweetie

bear: thanks ttyl mi cielo

 

Thursday 6:41 PM

chan: i was just in my advanced composition class and we were showing each other songs we’d written and this small guy that always keeps to himself and i never noticed that much appears and busts out this hella sick track called i’m fine and i’m blown away

chan: it’s always the quiet ones

bear: is this min yoongi

chan: wait i don’t know his name he might be

chan: that name is familiar

bear: yeah yoongi’s a legend-he raps crazy fast and produces hundreds of tracks a year

chan: i texted someone i have that class with to ask if they knew and they said it was yoongi

bear: well shit channie you were in the presence of campus royalty

chan: i hope i didn’t fuck it up

bear: i’m sure you didn’t

bear: what song did you play for them?

chan: this track called voices that i hesitated on for a bit but i think i made the right call in showing it to them

bear: can i hear it?

chan: voices.mp3

bear: oh fuck

bear: oh shit

chan: what

bear: it’s a motherfucking banger

bear: like seriously you’ve outdone yourself 

chan: thank you

bear: i recognized Y’s voice easily cause he has a ridiculous bass

bear: who was singing in the bridge right before the rappers came in?

chan: M

bear: ok i think i know what parts he sang in insomnia & 3rd eye

bear: you should give him more lines he has a very pretty voice

chan: hey line distribution between 6 people isn’t easy

bear: i never said it was but maybe just consider,,,,changing things up every now and then

chan: how would you suggest i do that?

bear: Y should get more lines and whoever rapped in the bridge of voices with B can rap less

chan: that’s S

bear: S is great it’s not that he’s not a good rapper he’s a really great rapper it’s just that he gets like two verses a song and Y gets like three words

chan: you’re right

bear: just a suggestion

bear: you don’t have to listen to me cause like what do i know about songwriting

chan: that’s okay i appreciate your feedback anyway

chan: that sounded kind of condescending but i meant it genuinely

bear: i know mi cielo

chan: wait i feel like you’ve mentioned that you take a songwriting class

bear: yeah i do

chan: so you’ve had to have written at least one song before

bear: yes i have written a song before

chan: I MUST HEAR IT

bear: oof

bear: must you?

chan: i must

bear: it’s just me, J, and I and it’s kind of a dumb song

chan: nonsense i’m sure y’all are delightful

bear: okay if you say so

bear: schoollife.mp3

chan: marry me

bear: what

chan: i’m proposing

bear: lol i sure hope not

bear: i wouldn’t wish for my enemy to get the curse of spending a lifetime with me

chan: first of all, shut up & fuck you

chan: second of all, i gotta marry you because you’re adorable, funny, shy, sweet, caring, smart and talented as FUCK

chan: you’re just literally perfect and you have to be husband right now okay you’re not allowed to say no

bear: where is the consent

chan: its your fault for being marriage material

bear: your idea of marriage material is someone who’s lazy, boring, and cowardly?

chan: you’re annoying

chan: my idea of marriage material is someone who’s all the good qualities about you i listed above

bear: i’m not those things

chan: yes you are i have receipts

chan: i can go back through our conversations and get screenshots from times you were adorable, funny, shy, sweet, talented, caring and smart

bear: your standards of intelligence are pretty low though cause your two brain cells are on permanent vacation

bear: and whether or not im adorable, funny, or talented is subjective

chan: i am proposing to you & showering you with compliments and this is how i am repaid 

bear: yes

chan: sigh is J with you

bear: yes why do you ask

chan: i’d like to speak with him please

chan: may you hand him the phone

chan: and tell him not to read our conversation

bear: i’m skeptical but i’ll trust you

bear: hi! this is J

bear: oop i was about to say who i was but hyung just told me not to so never mind

bear: you’ll find out soon enough ;)

bear: so what can i help you with?

chan: tell me all the things you love about bear

chan: all your favorite qualities of his and why he’s important to you

bear: when we first met, i got comfortable with him real fast cause we’re both super cuddly, so i love that

bear: his smile & laugh are adorable

bear: he takes care of me and makes sure i never feel alone

bear: he’s like the big brother i never had

bear: he really does feel like my family and i want him to be a part of my life forever

chan: that’s perfect

chan: thank you

bear: it was my pleasure!

bear: also i hope you don’t mind-bear showed me one of your songs, insomnia and i really loved it and i would love to get to rap on a track for you someday? or choreograph a piece to one of your songs

bear: would that be okay?

chan: are you kidding? that’d be amazing! thank you!

bear: no, thank you!

bear: i’m gonna give the phone back to hyung now

chan: bye J! thanks again for your help

bear: no problem

bear: okay i’m back

chan: scroll up and see what J said about you

chan: did you see it?

bear: ...yes

chan: do you believe me now?

bear: i guess

chan: just please don’t be so hard on yourself

chan: for me

chan: i get sad when you’re self deprecating

bear: okay i’ll work on it

chan: thank you

bear: but you got to work on it too

bear: cause i know i’m not the only insecure one

chan: you’re right and i will

bear: good

chan: i’m gonna go have dinner now but i’ll text you later ok

bear: sounds good

chan: goodbye my love

chan: do i not get a goodbye?

bear: goodbye mi cielo

chan: thank you

 

Friday 4:54 AM

bear: ok so i’ve been thinking

chan: all night?

bear: yes

bear: for multiple reasons but one in particular i want to address with you

chan: okay

bear: you called me ‘my love’ earlier

chan: i’ve called you that before

bear: i must have not noticed it then

bear: but like.......what does it mean

bear: is it your indirect way of saying you’re in love with me

chan: oh no i’m not there yet

bear: okay good cause i’m not either

bear: wait

chan: yes

bear: you said yet

chan: i did

bear: implying that you will be in love with me eventually

chan: i mean.....i’m not sure but that’s how it feels right now to be honest

chan: you have the potential to be the next guy i fall in love with

bear: how many guys have you fallen in love with?

chan: 2

chan: i fell in hopeless unrequited love with B-don’t worry though, i’m over it now

chan: remember when i told you B got kicked out of his house by his parents after coming out?

bear: yeah

chan: we went to the same high school and were friends & i invited him to live with my family and he did until starting school here last year

chan: so during sophomore year (when he was a senior in high school) i had it bad for him

chan: i never told him though and i’m glad i never did cause i think if i had it might have ruined our friendship

chan: with time things got better and romantic feelings faded and now he feels like a brother

chan: and then last year i had a whirlwind four month romance with this guy hoseok-we met at seoul pride and then he dumped me in early november

chan: it was wild and fast and intense and then all of a sudden it fizzed out and he was gone

chan: it honestly started to get pretty bad towards the end like all of the last month was pretty painful for me

chan: i’ve been in a relationship with a total of four guys-including hoseok, but he was the only boyfriend i’ve ever had that i’ve also loved

chan: what about you?

bear: what about me

chan: have you ever been in love

bear: i’m not sure

bear: i don’t think i have

bear: how do you know you’re in love?

chan: it depends cause there’s different types of love-the love i had for B and the love i had for hoseok were polar opposites

chan: my feelings for B were full of angst, pining, longing, wanting/desire, infatuation, admiration, etc

chan: hoseok was like an obsession. a fad. we weren’t fated to be together for a long time. it was like one of those sparklers Americans get for fourth of july-they run out quickly

chan: it was passionate and intense and dramatic and real and i lost myself in him and then he left and i was alone and it cut me deep

chan: i wrote SO many songs then

chan: but to answer your question, i knew i was in love with B one day when we were in my room (when he lived with us he shared a room with me) and it was the summer so we were ridiculously hot and sweaty and i was lying on my bed whining about the heat and B just got up, left, and came back with watermelon, popsicles, and trays of ice cubes

chan: i asked him why he did all that and he said you were unhappy and i wanted to make you happy, so i did it. and then he smiled really cutely and in my brain i was like fuck i love him

chan: and with hoseok one night we were kissing in an alleyway and he pulled away to look at me and smiled and i asked what he was thinking and he just shook his head and went to kiss me again and then when we got back to his place i assumed we were going to fuck because that’s what we always did (i didn’t always want to, but i didn’t know yet that i was allowed to say no) but then he just asked to cuddle and while we spooned i ended up smelling his hair and i thought to myself i love you

chan: i’ve only had moments like that with those two i’ve never had moments like those with anyone else

bear: did you tell hoseok that you loved him?

chan: yeah, the next morning, and he said he loved me too

chan: so there’s not one way of knowing you’re in love-for me in both circumstances my feelings were unique

chan: idk how to explain that they were different but they were

bear: it’s okay i believe you

bear: i don’t think i have been in love

bear: i’ve had some big time, epic crushes (you’re one of them uwu)

bear: but i’m a love virgin

bear: at least romantic love

chan: gasp what if i take your virginity in both ways ;)

bear: i definitely wouldn’t mind that

bear: so

chan: yeah

bear: shush

bear: you think you could end up being in love with me? like you’re on the path to it?

chan: i think so

chan: god it’s been three weeks i fall hard

bear: i think i do too

chan: aren’t you too smart for human emotion

bear: love’s a powerful thing

bear: it can change you

chan: for the better

bear: definitely

chan: like elephant and glinda in for good from wicked

bear: whomst

chan: i’ll tell you about it later but for now GO TO SLEEP

chan: do you still feel sick from the other day

bear: yes and it’s only gotten worse

chan: that’s it i’m officially calling it you’re not going to class

chan: you need to rest

bear: but it’s friday i’m almost there

bear: pleeeeaaasse

chan: you’re so weird

chan: begging to go to class

chan: i insist you stay in your room & take care of yourself

chan: is your roommate there

bear: yes but she’s sleeping

chan: once she wakes up, text me your room number

chan: i’m gonna come by and i’ll text you when i’m at the door so your roommate can answer it & you hide in the bathroom

chan: we’ll have a little chat & then i’ll leave

bear: i’m suspicious

chan: do you trust me

bear: idk i mean for all i know you could still be an axe murderer

chan: huh

bear: our first conversation when you asked why i wouldn’t tell you my name i said because you can’t trust people on the internet you could be an axe murderer

bear: and as far as i know, you still could be

bear: so should i trust you?

bear: probably not

bear: but...i do

chan: €

bear: now what’s this

chan: smirking

bear: %)

 

Chan exhaled and looked over his things one last time with pride. He’d crafted Bear a care package that was pretty awesome, if he did say so himself. It included the finished lyric translations Chan was able to make for Come Back Be Here and The Moment I Knew, a neck pillow, (Jisung had one he didn’t want for whatever reason and tossed it in Chan’s direction. Chan already had one of his own so he was giving it to Bear) cough drops, painkillers, tea, a little teddy bear, and a mixtape. What was now considered an ancient, unnecessary device remained a treasure in Chan’s eyes, so he included it.

Once Chan felt like he was sure, he sent Bear a text saying he had arrived. Chan heard a muffled scream, shuffling, and fast whispering through the door. He chuckled.

Then the door opened and stood in the frame was an extremely pretty twenty something with dyed platinum hair that went past her waist. Her makeup was impeccable and confidence present. She stood in a way that said, what makes you think you’re worthy of my time?

“So. You’ve been the cause of my insomnia the past three weeks.”

“I have?”

“W-Bear never sleeps. He already never slept but especially not now. He’s always giggling, squealing, or gay panicking. How is a bitch supposed to get sleep around here?”

Chan laughed-half awkwardly, half out of genuine amusement. “Sorry. But I won’t lie and say it hasn’t been fun, and that I won’t continue doing it.”

Bear’s roommate sighed. “Yeah, I know. So why are we here?”

Chan held out the package for Bear’s roommate to take.

“I made this for Bear. He may be hiding it from you, but he told me on Tuesday that he felt sick and then earlier this morning he said he still felt that way. And he said that he stayed up all night. And it was 5 am when we were talking. Also before I forget, what’s your name?”

Bear’s roommate pondered the question, mischief twinkling in her eyes. Then she made an expression that Chan interpreted to mean she had found an answer she liked.

“Bear told me about how you guys refer to your friends as initials, so you can call me Z.”

“That’s cool. Is there a Z in your name?”

“Nope, but why not pretend there is?”

Chan giggled and Z allowed herself a small smile.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Chan.”

“Nice meeting you too, Z.”

Z smiled a bit wider and then made a shooing motion with her hand and Chan went to his next class-even though Bear was all he could think about.

 

Friday 9:26 AM

bear: first of all, thank you

bear: second of all, you didn’t have to do this but i really appreciate it, it’s super sweet, and again, thank you for doing it

bear: and third of all, how the hell am i supposed to listen to what’s on this mixtape

chan: lol you’re telling me you didn’t keep your walkman

bear: funnily enough i didn’t

chan: i can send it to you on here too

bear: please do

chan: bearsong.mp3

bear: oh my god

bear: chan

bear: i don’t know what to say

bear: this is my favorite song of yours i’ve heard

chan: cause it’s about you?

bear: somewhat

bear: but seriously i know you showed me these lyrics last week but then you put them to these gorgeous instrumentals and i’m such a slut for pianos & cellos and just wow i love it

chan: i’m really glad

chan: i’ve never showed someone a song i’d written about them before

bear: i’m honored

chan: i’M honored

chan: to have such an incredible person as my muse

bear: oh shush now

chan: nope

bear: i can’t deal with you

bear: you gotta stop you make me too happy

chan: there’s no such thing as too happy

chan: gasp imagine a world where there was a way to measure emotions and there was a limit of happiness and if you went past the limit you’d be persecuted

bear: i’d read that book

chan: i was thinking of it as a movie

bear: tag yourself

bear: would you rather experience existential crisis about human emotion and governmental control on people’s mental states through the screen or paper?

chan: it would be so much cooler on the screen

bear: but books capture the emotions of the moment better

chan: but movies present more sensory options-music, sound cues, getting to legit see the action before your eyes, they are even movies with smell o vision

bear: that just seems like it cheapens the experience and you end of up forgetting about the actual important stuff in the movie

chan: we’ve found another reason why we’re not so alike that we repel-you prefer books and i prefer movies

bear: i also love movies but nothing beats a book

chan: i feel the exact same just switch around books and movies

bear: agree to disagree

chan: mediator bear

chan: we stan

bear: you’d stan me no matter what i did

chan: honest bear

bear: %

chan: annoyed bear

bear: :p

chan: cheeky bear

bear: just shush bang

bear: and pay attention to your class

chan: bossy bear

bear: i’m going to take a nap now

bear: goodbye

chan: dismissive & exiting bear

chan: absent bear

chan: not answering my texts bear

chan: presumably sleeping bear

chan: ok i'll stop now bye

 

Friday 2:13 PM

bear: WAJT A FUCKING SECOND

bear: HE DIDNT COME TO HER BIRTHDAY PARTY????

bear: BRO ITS HER BIRTHDAY ITS HER DAY AND YOU COULDNT EVEN BOTHER TO SHOW UP???

bear: SHAME ON YOU

bear: SHAME

chan: so i see you read my translation of tmik (the moment i knew)

bear: i did and i’m upset

bear: im now listening to 1989 to make myself feel better

chan: prepare yourself for full on pop taylor

bear: i like her so far

bear: WAIT

chan: yes

bear: SHE SAID BOYS AND BOYS AND GIRLS AND GIRLS

bear: LIKE....GAYS???

chan: YES SHE WAS REFERRING TO THE GAYS

bear: AHHHH

bear: this just in: taylor swift has ended homophobia

bear: it no longer exists

bear: because of this line

bear: i like...love her so much

bear: i think i can confidently say i’m a full on swiffer jet now

chan: YAAAAYYY

chan: do you have a tumblr?

bear: yeah

chan: follow me i’m @circusaintalovestory97

bear: are there korean swifties on there?

chan: hell yeah!

chan: i’ll ask my korean mutuals to follow you

bear: thnx bb

chan: mwah no problem

bear: ooh style is a spicy one

bear: and vocals okay i see you girl

bear: this album slaps quite hard so far

bear: my favorite album is still speak now but what if 1989 dethrones it??? gasp

chan: i’d be a bit disappointed

chan: 1989 is my least favorite album of hers

bear: you have terrible taste

chan: in men? yeah you’re right

bear: meanie

chan: *that’s my nickname* (i’ve decided that these * * mean that the message should be read in a whining tone)

bear: //too bad// (// // this means it’s read in a smug, deal with it tone)

chan: -why you gotta take my insult- (- - this means it’s read in a sad, mopey tone)

bear: {i don’t want to make you sad i’m sorry baby you can have it back} ( { } this means it’s read in a soothing, caring, reassuring tone)

chan: + HA i have reclaimed what is mine + (+ + this means it is read in a victorious, triumphant way)

bear: :so it was all a ruse?: (: : this is to be read in a shocked and betrayed way)

chan: indeed i am the ultimate slytherin

bear: i thought you were a hufflepuff with slight gryffindor tendencies

chan: upon further evaluation i think i am more ambitious than kind or courageous

bear: okay but what did you get on the quiz

chan: ....ravenclaw

bear: jo’s word is final

bear: in more ways than one like when she chooses you to be one of the gays there’s nothing you can do

chan: you’re right

chan: i suppose i should embrace it

bear: yeah rock your wisdom & feathers

chan: what house are you?

bear: hufflepuff

chan: no surprise there

chan: you’re soft

bear: but i can still be grizzly

bear: grr

chan: hot

bear: furry

chan: :p

bear: are you in class right now

chan: yeah i’m in music theory and my professor isn’t here so the teaching assistant’s covering and i don’t like him so i’m not paying attention

bear: isn’t jimin the TA? i always liked him

bear: when J got mugged jimin helped him out until i got there

chan: it’s just cause he’s friends with hoseok

chan: i know it’s petty and unfair but i’m that kind of bitch

bear: understandable

bear: but you should pay attention

chan: ugghh i know

chan: i’ll let you rest now

bear: byeeee

chan: bye

 

Friday 7:08 PM

bear: at last it is happening

bear: J and i got popcorn and candy and i am finally about to watch: adolescents spontaneously bursting into dance and song

chan: FUCK YEAH

chan: oh god i’m so excited for you

chan: you’ll thank me for this i promise

bear: it has begun & it’s new year’s eve

bear: i personally think our new year’s celebration is much cooler than the American celebrations

bear: so she likes to read and he likes basketball-i think we know who’s the troy and who’s the gabriella here

chan: you don’t even know if i like basketball

bear: do you

chan: ...yes

bear: oh my the karaoke spotlights of destiny

bear: i wonder what will happen

chan: we should do karaoke

chan: should that be our first date?

bear: whatever you want you’re planning it

chan: but you asked me out

bear: i’m pretty sure you’re the first one who suggested we go out

chan: are you sure it wasn’t a mutual agreement

bear: it was but i think we established you’re taking me out

chan: i’m not complaining but

chan: oops sent too soon

bear: whatever it was shh i’m trying to pay attention to the movie

chan: oh yeah ok i’ll shut up now

bear: i wish people still had meet cutes like this

chan: meet cutes?

bear: the quirky, charming way couples meet in rom coms

bear: the way people find each other now is so unromantic

chan: the way we met was romantic

bear: meeting on a chat room is romantic?

chan: it is when you’re us and the banter is instant and easy and entertaining

bear: %)

chan: am i wrong

bear: yes

chan: :p

bear: wait so they’re from different places-like they just ended up on the same ski resort for winter break and now the guy’s back at school and who knows where the girl is

bear: how do they fall in love?

bear: don’t actually answer that i don’t want spoilers

chan: as much as i’m enjoying your reactions

chan: i don’t want to distract you from your viewing pleasure

chan: so stop texting me and watch the movie

bear: fiiiiiiine

bear: i’ll update you once we’ve finished the first one

chan: okay bye have fun

bear: bye

Saturday 1:32 AM

bear: i forgot to update you because my phone died and i went to plug it in and haven’t looked at it since

bear: but obviously we watched them all by now and i loved them

bear: you were right

chan: which one’s your favorite?

bear: the 3rd one

chan: but the first one’s a classic!

bear: but the 3rd one’s so much better produced!

chan: cause they had a bigger budget for that one which they wouldn’t have been able to get if the first two weren’t huge successes and they wouldn’t have been huge successes if they weren’t good which they were therefore the first one should be your favorite!

bear: well too bad it’s not

bear: it’s a close second though

bear: the 2nd one’s my least favorite

bear: i still like it though

chan: i definitely agree with you there

chan: what’s your favorite song?

bear: oooh that’s hard

bear: i don’t dance was fun

bear: were those two guys gay i feel like they were like i know they had girlfriends but that doesn’t mean anything J had a girlfriend once and he’s gay as fuck

chan: lol i think they were gay and the girl ryan (the blond one, who’s the villain sharpay’s brother) ended up dating is a lesbian

chan: she’s also the pianist

bear: oh yeah

bear: she definitely was a lesbian

bear: gasp what if chad’s girlfriend was gay??? so ryan, chad, tyler and kelsey just switch partners? now that’s it

bear: chief called and said that’s it

chan: he really did

bear: i wanna write that fan fiction

chan: i never pegged you as the type to write fan fiction

chan: to read it yeah but not to write it

bear: then you pegged wrong

bear: i love to write stories

bear: my biggest dream (after being an idol) is to be an author

chan: have you written any stories before?

bear: tons

chan: can i read one?

bear: hmmm

bear: not right now

bear: but eventually

chan: yay

bear: i hate to cut this short but J is aggressively trying to cuddle me and i’m getting sleepy

bear: so i’m gonna turn in for the night

bear: but before i go

bear: what’s your favorite high school musical song

chan: music in me

chan: the duet troy & gabriella did in the 2nd one

bear: ah yeah that’s cute

bear: night mi cielo

chan: night

 

Saturday 11:01 AM

bear: i decided to look back at some stories i wrote and i forgot that i’m actually kind of good

bear: i haven’t thought about writing in a while but i sort of miss it

chan: you should try writing again! and i bet you’re very good

bear: i think i might

chan: yay!

bear: before you realized you wanna be an idol what did you want to be when you grew up

chan: a music teacher

chan: i love little kids i can’t wait to be a dad someday

bear: i want kids too but the idea of them also scares me cause i’m like what if i have a child and fuck them up somehow

chan: i’m sure you’ll be an awesome dad

bear: same to you

chan: :)

chan: is it too much if i say we’ll be awesome dads together?

bear: a bit

bear: but i’m used to you being too much

chan: fair

bear: oh dear

chan: what’s wrong

bear: my mom just texted asking about what weekend i’m going to come visit home for my birthday

bear: and i’m not looking forward to all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents asking about if i have a girlfriend yet

chan: i thought you were out to your family

bear: just my immediate family

bear: and i’m bi so i could have a gf but i could also have a bf or a partner so whenever i hear that i just get kind of nervous

bear: i hope i can take you home to my family someday

chan: i hope so too

chan: i’m excited for you to meet my family my mom will like you

bear: lol you think so?

chan: definitely

chan: oh hey i just remembered something

chan: i was meaning to talk to you about this but i forgot so i’ll ask you about it now

chan: you told B who you are and Y was there and saw the text so he knows who you are also

chan: and he says y’all made out and almost fucked once

bear: WAIT

bear: FELIX???

chan: yeah

chan: oh god y’all really did almost fuck

bear: uh

chan: oh no

bear: i’m sorry

chan: no no don’t be sorry! there’s nothing to be sorry for you did nothing wrong

chan: it’s just sort of awkward that you almost slept with felix

bear: yeah

bear: im sorry

chan: stop being sorry

chan: what are you sorry for?

bear: idk

bear:

chan: i will say you have a type

bear: what do you mean

chan: blonde Australians

bear: lol

bear: maybe a little bit

bear: you and felix are pretty different, though

bear: i think he’s more serious than you and you often act more goofy but you got a lot on your mind that you don’t let people see

chan: i gotta agree with you there

chan: i never let people see what’s bothering me

bear: talk to me if something’s bothering you stupid

chan: lol okay

chan: i have one question

bear: yes

chan: is felix a good kisser

bear: CHAN

chan: what i’m just asking

bear: kiss him and find out yourself

chan: no he has a boyfriend

chan: so tell me is he a good kisser or not

bear: ....yes

bear: but then again i don’t have anyone to compare him to

chan: what do you mean

bear: he was my first and only kiss

chan: i’m shook

chan: i’ll be better i know i will

bear: lol we’ll see

bear: ;)

chan: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

chan: BEAR

chan: sigh

chan: #

chan: furries

 

Saturday 3:56 PM

bear: salutations

chan: there you are you rascal

chan: i lied before when i said i had 1 question

bear: for shame

chan: why didn’t you and felix fuck? like what stopped you?

bear: he went to get condoms and lube-they were probably yours, now that i think about it-and i started crying

bear: i just realized i couldn’t lose my virginity to a stranger and i felt guilty for backing out

chan: you mean pulling out ;)

bear: shut up

chan: ok that was bad and i apologize

bear: thank you

bear: your apology is being reviewed

bear: it’s been rejected and you are banned

chan: (insert shocked noise here)

bear: (insert giggling noises here)

chan: so you want to wait until you really know a person to have sex with them

bear: yeah

chan: do you think you really know me? ;)

bear: not quite cause we’ve only interacted IRL 3 times before but it probably won’t take long once we’re dating for me to feel ready

chan: heehee

chan: i don’t mean to push you though like whenever you’re ready is totally fine with me

bear: no don’t worry you aren’t

bear: i just really think it won't take long for me to be ready

chan: that’s pretty awesome

bear: well of course you’d think so

bear: you want me to fuck you

chan: AHEKDDHAHLOA

chan: SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY HATE YOU

chan: IM BANISHING YOU

bear: for telling the truth? looks like someone else needs to accept himself as a hoe

chan: i’m leaving the chat

bear: wait no don’t actually

chan: i wasn’t

bear: good

chan: what have you been up to today?

bear: writing, actually

bear: J’s busy choreographing something and I has to study for a big test on monday, so it’s just little old me

bear: and little old me was feeling the craving to craft some stories again so i started one and i really like it so far

chan: can i seeeeee iiiiiiiiit

bear: lol no

bear: not yet anyway-it hasn’t been revised or edited at all and i can’t just let you see my word vomit

chan: lmao word vomit

bear: that’s what it is i just vomited up some words

chan: gross

chan: would you eat words

bear: ????

bear: what does??? that even mean???

chan: like idk if words were edible would you eat them

bear: no??? i don’t think so???

bear: wait in this scenario how do words taste

chan: the longer and harder it is to pronounce, the richer the taste

bear: like that song from the movie hairspray

bear: the darker the chocolate, the richer the taste

chan: you like musicals?

bear: fuck yeah they’re my favorite movie genre and i listen to a ton of original broadway cast recordings

chan: what are your favorite musicals

bear: hamilton, hairspray, wicked, the prom, dear evan hansen, shrek the musical, newsies, the last five years, matilda, head over heels, and be more chill

bear: i hope i can go to america and see a broadway show someday

chan: can i come?

bear: *sigh* i suppose i can allow it

chan: hurrah!

bear: what have you been doing?

chan: recording the rest of the parts of lost child

chan: yours is all we have left to do

bear: changbin never texted me again about a time for me to come into the studio

chan: god it’s so weird to see you say his name

chan: can we stick to initials?

bear: lol yeah

bear: but yeah after finding out my identity he vanished

chan: i’ll yell at him to text you

chan: we gotta finish that song for my senior project

bear: what’s the project?

chan: compose a mini album of songs

chan: i’ve been writing with B and S-insomnia and awkward silence are a couple of the songs

bear: i wanna hear awkward silence

bear: and lost child for that matter you still never sent it to me

chan: oops yeah sorry

chan: lostchild.mp3

chan: awkwardsilence.mp3

bear: i’m so obsessed with these oh my god

bear: lost child has such real and profound lyrics but there’s also such a cool beat and flow

bear: and awkward silence is so cute and fun and creative

bear: you and your friends are all so incredible i can’t handle it

chan: you’re one to talk

chan: that track you sent me-school life? was really dope

bear: it was nothing compared to this

chan: shut up it was awesome

bear: eh kind of

chan: say it

bear: %

bear: you know even if i say it i won’t believe it

chan: i know and i don’t care

bear: sigh

bear: it was awesome

chan: thank you

bear: you’re something else, bang chan

chan: i think you’ve said that before

chan: but i take it as a compliment

bear: :p

chan: ok B and S and i gotta have a chat about our songs and go through em to make sure everything’s done

chan: talk later?

bear: of course

chan: buh bye

bear: byeee

 

Saturday 9:38 PM

chan: *screams*

bear: what’s wrong

chan: my project is due in less than 10 days and there’s still so much work to do

bear: then what are you talking to me for get to work

chan: i can work and talk to you at the same time

chan: it’s called multitasking

bear: %

bear: i don’t wanna distract you but whatever

bear: what are you working at the moment

chan: the intro to the album-Y and S are on it but i think i wanna divide it up more and have someone else do part of it

bear: can i hear it

chan: sure

chan: this probably isn’t the final version though

chan: who.mp3

bear: OH MY GOD THATS SO CLEVER

bear: it’s hinting at future songs right??? cause it said insomnia??? so i’m assuming voices and question are also future songs??? 

chan: ding ding ding

bear: i demand to hear this album in its entirety

chan: lol maybe when you’re recording your part for lost child B can play it for you

chan: GASP

chan: i know what this intro is missing!!!

bear: what!!!

chan: you!!!!

bear: huh

chan: you gotta be in this intro-you know the whispering part and when Y sings “insert the lyric im thinking of” you’d be perfect for that

bear: are you sure? i don’t wanna take over your whole project

chan: you’re not, i’m asking you to

chan: and i want you to be in it

bear: if you’re sure then when i go in to record for lost child i’ll tell B you want me to do a part in who too

chan: YAAYY

chan: i’m so excited

bear: how many songs does this mini album have?

chan: 7

chan: who, my pace, voices, question, insomnia, lost child, and awkward silence

bear: i am super looking forward to when B plays me the three songs i have yet to hear

bear: how many songs have you written in total over the course of your life

chan: oh jeez

chan: hundreds

chan: i lost count

chan: i’ve written a lot of them with B and S-some for our mini group called 3RACHA but more often lately for my idol group with my friends

chan: like twelve albums worth or something

bear: not thirteen?

bear: taylor would be disappointed

chan: sorry queen

chan: i gotta get on that grind and work harder so it’ll be thirteen albums worth

chan: doing it for taylor for you girl

bear: it’s what she deserves

bear: chan

bear: are you there

bear: oh so you're just abandoning me now huh? i see how it is

bear: the disrespect

bear: but seriously you probably do need to work and i understand that's its totally valid so i’ll leave you now byeeeee

 

Sunday 12:19 AM

chan: i’m sorry i didn’t intend to leave for as long as i did

chan: i really did get wrapped up in the work and forgot to text back

bear: no worries

bear: i’ve been resting and i finally at last feel completely healed

chan: woo hoo

chan: in other good news i think it’ll only be a few more weeks before this project is done

bear: yeet

bear: when is it due

chan: it has to be turned in by may 1st

chan: what’s your final project?

bear: i gotta perform a five song piece that tells a story with at least two friends (which is perfect cause i only have 2 friends and they can both sing though J’s kind of shy when he sings)

bear: the songs can be original, covers, or both

chan: what are the songs

bear: i haven’t picked em all yet but so far it’s two original songs that don’t have titles yet and tomorrow, today by Jinyoung & JB from GOT7

bear: i think J’s roommate is gonna help me out and perform that GOT7 song with me and I

bear: i know that’s grammatically incorrect it just felt weird to say I and i

chan: you’re valid

chan: can i hear those original songs?

bear: sure

bear: mixtape2.mp3

bear: mixtape3.mp3

chan: FUCK

chan: THESE ARE SO

chan: GOOD

chan: YOU’RE SO FUCKING TALENTED SHIT 

chan: HOW

chan: ARE YOU SO

chan: PERFECT

chan: i’m having an aneurysm

chan: i can’t handle it you’re just literally the perfect human being

bear: you need to calm down

bear: i can’t handle this

chan: sorry i’ll chill

bear: thank you

chan: but seriously

chan: these are phenomenal

bear: thank you

chan: you know that’s not what you’re supposed to say

bear: sigh

bear: why thank you! my songs are phenomenal

chan: indeed

bear: i’m gonna get some shut eye i’ve got an early morning tomorrow

chan: okay sleep well

 

bear: you too don’t work too hard

chan: i won’t

bear: buenas noches

chan: goodnight

 

Sunday 10:44 AM

chan: WAIT i just realized we never discussed something very important

bear: what is that

chan: your favorite taylor songs off of each album cause you’ve finished her discography by now right

bear: yes i have

bear: i listened to reputation instead of sleeping last night

chan: >:(

chan: go to sleep

bear: you first

bear: so my favorites from debut are mary’s song, cold as you, should’ve said no, picture to burn, and our song

bear: my faves from fearless are fearless, jump then fall, love story, the other side of the door and the best day

bear: from speak now it’s enchanted, back to december, the story of us, last kiss and ours

bear: from red treacherous, begin again, the lucky one, stay stay stay, and the moment i knew

bear: from 1989 wildest dreams, new romantics, clean, this love and shake it off

bear: and finally, from reputation delicate, nice things, dress, call it what you want and new year’s day

bear: my album ranking goes speak now, 1989, red, debut, reputation, and fearless

chan: we stan an inTELLECTUAL

bear: what’s your album ranking

chan: debut & red are tied for first, speak now is second, rep is third, 1989 is 4th, and fearless is 5th

bear: very respectable opinions there mr. bang

chan: thanks i’m glad you think so

chan: your opinions are also very valid

bear: they really are

bear: i’m stalking your tumblr and i’m confused please explain these selfie nights to me

chan: lmao they’re an event that happen three times a month-there’s disabled selfie night for disabled swifties, poc swiftie selfie night for swifties that are poc, and lgbt swiftie selfie night for swifties who are lgbt

chan: i post for all 3 cause i’m gay, korean, and depressed

bear: mood

bear: who started them? and why?

chan: basically there was a lot of racism happening in the fandom so to retaliate these two girls dani and symona-i’m lucky enough to be mutuals with both of them, they’re fandom royalty and super lovely people-created the blog swiftiesofcolor and host the selfie nights every month

bear: that’s really cool

bear: when’s the next selfie night

chan: the 18th

bear: i request your assistance with crafting an english caption when the time comes

chan: i am more than happy to provide that assistance

bear: lit

chan: it is lit

bear: you’re lit

chan: fuck yeah i am

chan: you’re also lit

bear: thank you

bear: idk what else to say my brain is very sluggish rn cause i didn’t sleep well

chan: take a nap

bear: i can’t i’m rehearsing for my project with J and his roommate

chan: whenever you can take a nap, do it

bear: don’t need to tell me twice

bear: i am looking forward to it i love sleep

chan: me too but sleep doesn’t love me

chan: cause i be like having insomnia noises so i basically never get enough rest

bear: harrumph

bear: i’m pouting

chan: cute

bear: i want you to be well rested

chan: i want to be well rested

chan: i wish there was something i could do to help me get to sleep easier

bear: you might have just given me a story idea

chan: what’s it about a narcoleptic drug

bear:

bear: no

bear: i had to reread that text a few times to make sure i didn’t hallucinate that message

bear: it was,,,,,,,,,something

chan: thank you

bear: you’re such a weirdo

chan: guilty as charged but proud of it honestly

chan: i like being weird

bear: that’s cute and i admire it

chan: you’re cute and i admire you

bear: ...okay

chan: uwu

chan: i gotta go 

chan: i have a prior engagement

bear: so i see

bear: i wish you luck on it

bear: the engagement

chan: yeah i figured

chan: talk later?

bear: duh

bear: byeee

chan: bye

 

"Thank you so much for the help, Chan-ssi," Jungkook said while shaking Chan's hand vigorously. Despite being a a freshman, the kid had quite the grip.

"No problem, Jungkook. And feel free to call me hyung."

Jungkook's eyes widened and Chan smiled; mental comparisons of a doe coming to mind at seeing the younger boy's adorable expression.

"Okay hyung! I'll see you in class!" Jungkook skipped away, stumbling and almost tripping as he went, which made Chan stifle a chuckle. He gathered his equipment back into his messenger bag and checked his phone to see if he had any messages from Bear or his friends. He didn't, so he was about to compose a text to Bear when a familiar voice distracted him.

"Chan hyung!" Chan turned around to see Seungmin at the entrance to the auditorium. 

"Hey Minnie! How are you?"

"I'm good. What are you doing here?"

"Someone I take philosophy with wanted my help at becoming a better rapper, so we met up here and freestyled for a while. How about you? 

"I'm helping Hyunjin's friend with a proje-" Seungmin paused, his smile slipping off his face. He turned around and his hands went to his mouth in what Chan assumed was shock.

"Seungmin? Is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah, just wait a second...I'll be right back..." Seungmin ran back through the door, leaving Chan puzzled. He shrugged and went back to his phone to text bear, but the sound of a gasp distracted him and made him look up. 

"Oh hey, Woojin. Nice to see you again. How are you?" Woojin stood at the exit Jungkook had gone through not too long ago.

Woojin went pale and stayed silent, which made Chan wonder if Woojin heard him. He walked closer so he could repeat himself and ensure Woojin heard him that time.

"How are you doing?" 

Woojin shook his head, and Chan was about to ask if he was okay when a light came into the black haired boy's eyes and he held up a finger which Chan assumed meant he should wait. Woojin dug through his bag, seemingly looking for something, and finally pulled it out-his phone. He then dropped it, and Chan bent down to pick it up. Chan's fingers brushed Woojin's when he handed his phone back, and Chan smiled.

"Deja vu, huh?" Woojin smiled, his eyes twinkling, and Chan felt like his heart twinkled. Then he internally cringed at the terrible metaphor and turned his attention back to Woojin, who was typing furiously. He finally handed his phone to Chan, who read what Woojin had written in his notes app.

(hi sorry i'm on strict vocal rest so i can't talk, but i'm doing okay)

"Oh! I understand, no worries. I hope your throat feels better soon."

Woojin nodded, and Chan started to feel anxious at the awkward silence starting to form, but luckily Seungmin chose that moment to return.

"Woojin! There you are. What are you doing here, we have to get back to work on your project, remember?"

"Now Seungmin, that's no way to speak to your elder! You're older than him, right?" Chan whispered the last part to Woojin, who smiled in amusement and nodded.

"Yeah, he's older than you, so what happened to hyung?"

"Sorry, Woojin hyung. Now come on, we gotta go."

Chan turned back to Woojin. "Well, it was nice to see you again." Chan was going to say something else, but Woojin held up his finger again and went to type something. 

(you already said that)

"Said what?"

(said that it was nice to see me again)

Chan smiled and rolled his eyes, which made him think of his and Bear's emoji. For some reason, he felt the urge to tell Woojin about this.

"My...friend and I have this thing-our own emoji which is supposed to mean you're rolling your eyes and smiling at the same time. It's a percent sign and the right parentheses. I just thought of that, so I wanted to share it with you. I hope you'll enjoy using it when texting your own companions."

Woojin smiled widely, and Chan couldn't ignore how it affected his heartbeat this time. Woojin went to type something else.

(thank you for sharing this with me, i am honored to have access to your brilliant invention)

Chan gasped in mock offense. "Was that sarcasm? After I granted you the privilege of knowing about me and my friend's sacred emoji? How rude."

Woojin giggled, which made Chan's breath catch in his throat. Woojin was about to write something else in response, but Seungmin's voice diverted the two boy's attentions.

"Are y'all done flirting yet? Cause we have work to do, Woojin."

"Hyung," Chan pointed out obnoxiously which made Seungmin roll his eyes. 

"We have work to do, Woojin HYUNG." 

"Thank you!" Woojin chuckled and Chan turned back to him.

"I'll see you around?"

Woojin nodded and waved, and Chan waved back. Woojin walked around Chan towards Seungmin, who he walked past through the door and out of the auditorium.

"By the way, I was NOT flirting. You know I save all my flirts for Bear."

Seungmin rolled his eyes again, but this time while smiling. "Okay, hyung. See you later."

"Bye!"

 

Sunday 12:02 PM 

chan: i'm back are you napping or still working on your project

chan: speaking of i saw woojin-the guy i thought was you last week-and he was working on a project with S2

chan: and S2 said we were flirting but i told him i save all my flirts for you

chan: cause you're the only one i've got my eye on ;)

chan: ok i'll admit i felt kind of fluttery inside when he smiled and stuff but you know we're allowed to be attracted to other ppl right

chan: right

chan: no its wrong i'm sorry

chan: bear? are you there? 

chan: i guess you're napping or busy or something so we'll talk later

chan: i hope you're not actually mad about woojin though

chan: if you're insecure then know you don't have to be because even though woojin's cute i don't actually know him but i know you and that's worth so much more than a pretty face

chan: ok i'll stop spamming you now bye

 

Sunday 4:19 PM

chan: ok you gotta be available now

chan: bear? are you there?

chan: are you ignoring me? 

chan: are you mad? did i do something wrong?

chan: talk to me please

chan: if you're mad please just tell me

chan: hello?

 

Sunday 11:23 PM

chan: it's been hours since i've heard from you bear i'm getting worried 

chan: if you're mad that's fine and if you don't want to tell me why that's also fine just please let me know that you're okay

chan: bear please i'm scared now 

 

Monday 2:56 AM

chan: i talked to Y and he thinks maybe i'm just too clingy and everything's probably fine

chan: so that's what i'm going to go with but if you're not okay and you're like pushing people away because depression know you can always talk to me

chan: i'm going to try and get some sleep now 

chan: i'll give you some space

chan: goodnight

 

Monday 8:07 PM

bear: oh my god hi i'm so sorry i'm not mad i'm okay everything's fine

bear: my phone broke-like seriously got smashed and was totally destroyed and unresponsive 

bear: i couldn't get a new one until a couple hours ago

bear: and i forgot your number so i went to J who went to someone he knows that has your number and got it from them 

bear: i'm really sorry if i made you worry

chan: hi!!!

chan: don't worry about it i'm just glad you're okay

bear: yeah

chan: so what's new? how have you been?

bear: i've been okay, missing you

chan: aw shucks really 

bear: duh

bear: and don't worry about being clingy i'm also hella clingy too

bear: i would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed 

chan: hah take that Y

bear: yeah there's no such thing as too clingy

bear: Y just doesn't know what true love is

chan: hmmm

chan: true love?

bear: i don't know what you're talking about

bear: no habla el coreano

chan: i'm assuming that says i don't speak korean

chan: in that case

chan: amor verdadero?

bear: that doesn't count

bear: you don't have the upside down question mark in front

chan: OH so now you speak korean 

bear: oh would you look at the time 

bear: it is getting rather late i'm afraid i have a prior engagement of my own

chan: hey you can't just leave like that after us not getting to talk for a day

chan: jesus i am clingy

bear: i kinda have to

bear: i genuinely do have a prior engagement-its sleep

bear: i have a quiz tmw for my worst class 1st period so i gotta get some rest

chan: that's really responsible of you

chan: i suppose i can let you rest

bear: i'm sowwy

bear: we'll talk lots tmw i promise

chan: i know

chan: don't worry about it

chan: get some rest

chan: i will too

bear: yay!!

bear: hasta luego mi cielo

chan: sweet dreams mi amor


	4. The Fourth Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc this chapter was such a bitch to write. writer's block is real. i'm so glad its finally up. sorry it took so long.  
> i think it's time for me to admit that the chapter a week goal was unrealistic, so i'm not even gonna try to do that again. it makes me enjoy writing it less and i'm rushing to get things done instead of trying to write the best chapter i can. so idk when the next chapter will be up but its coming!  
> thank you for reading and hope you enjoy <3

Tuesday 5:33 AM

bear: the fact that i’m awake right now isn’t cute

bear: but whatever 

chan: hello

chan: i’m kind of glad you’re awake cause i can’t sleep and i’m lonely 

bear: bother Y

chan: he’s with B...again

chan: you know when your best friend gets into a relationship & starts spending more and more time with their partner and you’re happy for your friend you really are but you also miss them but feel like you can’t tell them that cause you don’t want them to stop being happy with their partner because of you

bear: yeah

bear: i dealt with that with my best friend in high school-J and i have only been friends for 6 months and he hasn’t seriously dated anyone during that time 

bear: i get what you’re going through but Y loves you and wants you to be happy and he’s not going to be unhappy if you two spend more time together 

bear: you can also just suggest more group hangouts or if you’re trying to limit the amount of couple-y grossness you have to endure in a day, have it be you, Y, B, and S2 cause he’s the other single person in the group

chan: you’re so smart

bear: yes and i can fly 

chan: …...okay

bear: i’m really tired and don’t know what i’m saying alright 

chan: i didn’t say anything

chan: this is a judgement free zone

bear: are you sure cause we shame each other for being furries a lot 

chan: SO YOU ADMIT IT YOU ARE A FURRY

bear: NO

bear: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

chan: mwahahaha too late i have it in writing i have proof you’ve said it and can’t take it back

chan: and i’ve got screenshots so in case i never need to blackmail you in the future, i’ve got receipts

bear: but i said you’re a furry too

chan: so who cares i’m not ashamed 

bear: ok then i’m not either 

bear: you can’t hold those screenshots over me i don’t care what you do with them cause i am proud of my furriness

chan: rats my plan was foiled

chan: also you said furriness

bear: i don’t actually know that much about furries

chan: lol good

bear: i have a question

chan: and i probably have an answer

bear: you mentioned before you used to want to be a music teacher

bear: why don’t you wanna do that anymore

chan: i never said i don’t want to do it anymore

chan: i could still do it

chan: later on in life after my idol days are over

bear: why do you wanna be an idol

chan: why do you wanna be an idol?

bear: i asked first

chan: :p

bear: why do you want to be an idol? 

chan: idk

chan: i’ve been working towards it for so long i don’t even know what i’d do if i didn’t become an idol 

bear: be a music teacher!

chan: i’d need a degree for that

bear: we’re literally in college right now a couple months away from getting our degrees

chan: i meant a degree in teaching

chan: i think you need that to be a teacher 

bear: ok well you can do college again but this time get a degree in education

chan: doing college a second time? no thank you

bear: even if it means you get to be a music teacher?

chan: it doesn’t matter 

chan: this is all obviously a hypothetical situation because i am going to become an idol

bear: but why

bear: why do you want to do it? 

chan: i don’t know! i just do! how about maybe leaving me alone about it okay! just because you might be considering being an author instead of an idol doesn’t mean i have to give up becoming an idol okay!

bear: whoa where did that come from

chan: just back off okay

bear: i’m sorry 

bear: i didn’t mean to push

chan: whatever

chan: i have to go 

bear: are you mad at me?

bear: i’m assuming you are cause you’re not responding

bear: i never meant to upset you i just didn’t realize i was pushing so hard and i’m really sorry

bear: i’ll go now cause i know you’re not going to respond

bear: but please know i am sorry and i promise i won’t ask about that stuff again

bear: bye

 

Tuesday 10:11 AM

chan: i know

bear: know what?

chan: know that you’re sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me

chan: I’M sorry i shouldn’t have overreacted

chan: i don’t know where it came from i just started to feel panicked and uncomfortable like the walls were closing in on me and i snapped

bear: i’m so sorry i made you feel like that

chan: it’s not your fault you didn’t know

chan: neither did i 

chan: i didn’t realize talking about that stuff would make me feel that way but it did 

bear: at least you know now for the future

chan: i think it might have made me feel upset because there was some truth in what you said

bear: what do you mean?

chan: i don’t really have a reason for wanting to be an idol at this point

chan: it’s been my plan for years and i stopped questioning it a while ago so when someone made me question it i freaked

chan: can i really change my mind on what i want to do after so long? 

bear: of course you can

bear: people’s dreams change all the time and just because you’ve had a plan doesn’t mean you can’t change it

chan: but what about my friends?

bear: they can still make a group amongst the five of them-along with J and I, if they’re still invited 

bear: but you shouldn’t make a career choice out of a sense of obligation 

bear: make something your career because you love it, and are passionate about it

chan: any time i’ve taught someone anything music related-especially someone younger than me-i’ve felt this spark inside that i haven’t felt doing anything else

bear: i think that means you’re passionate about teaching music, mi cielo

chan: i think so too

chan: i’m still scared

bear: of what?

chan: what if i’m making the wrong choice? what if i regret not becoming an idol like i planned?

bear: you’re not really making a choice right now-you could always change your mind again and still audition for companies & become a trainee anyway

bear: just do what you think will make you happy

chan: i think i want to wait and see

bear: valid

bear: i might wait some too because while writing’s really been pulling at me lately i’m not quite sure if i’m really considering it as my future career

chan: we’re college seniors we should have this stuff figured out already

bear: we did have it figured out until like last week when i started questioning

chan: i hope you’re not questioning

chan: cause if you realize you’re straight after all then this will be a bit awkward

bear: lol trust me i do not have a heterosexual bone in my body

chan: good 

chan: neither do i

bear: i know honey

chan: that’s another cute nickname cause you’re a bear and bears like honey and you like me 

bear: do bears really like honey or just winnie the pooh

chan: you and winnie the pooh are the only bears in my book

bear: i’m honored 

bear: so are we okay?

chan: we’re okay

chan: sorry again for reacting the way i did

bear: sorry for giving you a panic attack

chan: we’re even?

bear: i feel like what i did was worse but sure

chan: don’t you dare make yourself feel guilty about it istg

bear: you don’t tell me what to do here you’re the bottom

chan: for now…

chan: ;)

bear: you trying to make me think you’re a switch but i’m not buying it 

bear: i remember you trying to act like you’re a top when we first met but the second week you embraced it as you should and i know the real you now so don’t try and act cool

chan: i could top if i wanted

bear: eh so could Y like theoretically anyone could top it doesn’t mean they are a top 

chan: I THOUGHT YOU AND FELIX DIDNT FUCK

bear: WE DIDNT

chan: THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW HE’S A BOTTOM

bear: I JUST KNOW OKAY 

bear: i may or may not have...pinned his wrists to the bed when i was on top of him while we made out

bear: and then when he got the lube and condoms i’m pretty sure he was going to give the lube to me cause...you know

bear: you still there?

bear: sorry i shouldn’t have gone into detail on what happened between me and Y

chan: i’m here and no you’re fine

chan: just...picturing myself as Y in that scenario...you know...got me a little...excited

bear: ….oh

bear: um

bear: uh

bear: i have class

bear: bye

chan: 

chan: *snickers mischeviously* 

 

Tuesday 12:15 PM

chan: but wait

bear: yes

chan: how can you know if you’re a top if you’re a virgin?

bear: i wasn’t a top until you

chan: aww

chan: that honestly feels sweet

chan: but wait how did you know you weren’t a top before me if you’ve never had sex

bear. i wasn’t anything before you-not a top or a bottom or a switch 

chan: but we’ve never had sex

bear: i know but i know what you are and what you’d like and i want to be that for you so i will

chan: aww you’re being sweet again!

bear: idk if this is sweet it doesn’t feel wholesome enough for that

chan: shut up if i want it to be sweet then it’s sweet okay

bear: okay 

chan: also for no particularly reason what’s your favorite cake flavor 

bear: we need an emoji to represent suspicion

chan: **>

bear: then **>

chan: what’s there to be suspicious about? i just asked a simple question <3

bear: that heart

bear: that heart right there is why i’m suspicious

chan: so what if i am

bear: i won’t allow it

chan: why not (i forgot what thingies we made up for something to be read in a whiny tone but read that in a whiny tone)

bear: you’ve spoiled me too much already with that care package and the song you wrote

chan: just consider it payment for helping me with my project 

chan: btw have you coordinated with changbin on studio time?

bear: oh yeah i forgot i need his number again cause i got a new phone and i didn’t memorize it before

chan: oh okay

chan: {contact attached}

bear: gracias mi cielo

bear: i’ll text him now

chan: i’ll be here waiting

chan: *wii music*

chan: so

chan: capitalism, eh? i’m personally not a fan

bear: i’m back & it is done i’m going in next friday-we couldn’t find a time before then cause he says he’s gonna be busy with his final project & i have some essays i should get started on anyway 

bear: anyway why did that sound like how you’d open a stand up comedy show

chan: cause that’s probably how i would open my stand up comedy show

bear: i’m sorry sweetie but that’s a weak opener

chan: i could work that into my set too

chan: “my boyfriend said that this opener was weak, but who’s laughing now? you all are. my audience. are laughing. because i’m funny”

bear: i admit i did chuckle

bear: and you are funny

chan: **>

bear: what

chan: you didn’t call me out when i called you my boyfriend

bear: you know what let’s just be boyfriends

bear: that’s basically what we are at this point

chan: O_O

chan: really?

bear: yeah why not

bear: you want us to be boyfriends, right?

chan: yeah

bear: and i want us to be boyfriends so let’s just be boyfriends

chan: okay 

chan: i may or may not have just screamed into my pillow

bear: i wanted to act all chill and cool but same

chan: ahhh

chan: we’re dating we’re boyfriends you’re my boyfriend

bear: and you’re mine

chan: aaahhh

chan: i’m giddy

bear: me too

bear: alexa play sparks fly by taylor swift

chan: is that the taylor song you think best represents us?

bear: at the moment, yes

bear: there was a moment where it felt like delicate and a moment where it felt like dancing with our hands tied but now it feels like sparks fly, jump then fall, and ours

chan: heehee

chan: that’s so cute god you’re adorable

bear: no you’re adorable

bear: what taylor songs do you feel best represents us at the moment?

chan: our song, hey stephen, (just cause i know you don’t like it but you should-if you associate it with me, someone you have a positive connotation with, you may grow to have positive feelings about the song) mine, stay stay stay and call it what you want

bear: you’re devious but i like it

chan: thanks babe

bear: and ciwyw? really? i make you feel like that?

chan: yeah i feel like since we started talking i’ve been doing better than i ever was

bear: nope nope nope

 

chan: too much?

bear: not that it’s just too cute and i can’t handle it

bear: i’m going too explode i like you so much i like you TOO much

chan: it’s mutual darling

chan: how do you say my love in spanish?

bear: mi amor

chan: i gotta go but we’ll talk later, okay mi amor?

bear: okay mi cielo <3

chan: bye boyfriend

bear: bye boyfriend

chan: heehee

bear: we’re so annoying

bear: we’re that annoying couple

chan: i know

chan: isn’t it great? 

bear: %)

 

Tuesday 3:46 PM

bear: we just had finals but now i feel like we’re doing them again cause i’m being assigned so much work right now 

chan: i feel you cariño 

bear: you spelled it right this time! with the ñ and everything!

chan: i know! 

bear: i’m so proud of you 

chan: gracias, mi amor

chan: anyway i’m in the same spot with school stuff 

chan: technically this stuff isn’t due until the end of next month/early may, but my professors are still dumping it onto me now so i feel like i have to do it now

chan: if i don’t do it now i’ll put it off until the last second and hate myself for leaving so much work when there’s no time

bear: spread it out; do things gradually

bear: you’re already almost done with your biggest project, right? the mini album for your composition class?

chan: yeah

bear: so it’ll only get better from here

bear: do a little bit of each thing everyday 

bear: and before you know it it’ll all be done

bear: like write 1 paragraph of an essay today and collect the notes for a research project a couple hours later

bear: don’t overwhelm yourself by doing it all at once-take it slow 

chan: how are you so wise

bear: we all have our gifts, dear

chan: you’re my gift

bear: i’m your talent?

chan: no you’re like a present to me

chan: i realize now you meant gift as in talent and that my compliment didn’t really work i take it back

bear: aww that’s okay you don’t have to take it back 

bear: i’m still flattered by it

chan: i’m glad

chan: um

bear: yes

chan: my friends want to talk to you

chan: i told them we’re dating now and they feel the need to chat with you to properly evaluate that you’re good enough for me

chan: you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to

bear: aw no that’s fine i’ll do it

bear: your friends are adorable

chan: they are

chan: you’re gonna be talking to Y, S, and S2

chan: you ready

bear: yup

chan: let’s do this

 

Woojin didn’t have to wait long for his phone to ring. He chuckled at his imagining of the eagerness on the other end coming from Chan’s youngest friends.

“We made Chan leave the room, so we’re just gonna call you your name and you can call us our names,” said a voice Woojin didn’t recognize.

 

“Okay, but there’s one of you I don’t know.”

“Me! Hi, I’m Jisung,” said the same voice from before.

“Hi Jisung, I’m Woojin. Nice to meet you. Hi Seungmin.”

“Hi Woojin!”

“Hey Felix,” Woojin said, a little more hesitant and awkward.

“Hey,” Felix replied, sounding equally awkward.

“Okay, with introductions out of the way, I think we can get into this,” Jisung said quickly. 

“You’re a rapper, aren’t you Jisung?”

“How did you know?” Jisung sounded proud. 

“Cause you never stop to breathe in between words,” Seungmin said, which made Woojin chuckle.

“Just so you know, this was pretty much all Jisung’s idea. I know you’re Hyunjin’s best friend and he trusts you, so that's good enough for me, and Felix thinks you’re a nice guy from Halloween, but Jisung doesn’t know you, so he thinks he has to investigate.”

“If we trust him, can’t you just take our word?” Felix pleaded, sounding tired. Woojin stifled a giggle.

“Guys, this is Chan hyung we’re talking about. He’s the oldest and our leader. He deserves the best guy-one who really knows how to treat him right and make him happy. I gotta be sure that whoever he’s dating can do that. Especially after his last relationship.”

“Jisung! Woojin can still hear us!”

“It’s okay, Chan told me about Hoseok.”

“He told you his name?” Seungmin said, sounding shocked. It was the most interested he’d been the whole conversation.

“Uh...yeah? He didn’t tell you guys his ex’s name?”

“Nope,” Felix said, seemingly equally as astounded as Seungmin.

“Chan hyung clearly really trusts him,” Seungmin pointed out.

“Yeah, but love can make you a dumbass, so we have to guarantee for ourselves that Chan’s choice in boyfriend isn’t just a product of dumbassery.”

“Dumbassery?” Woojin tried to say it as seriously as possible, but giggles escaped.

“Yes, dumbassery. Now let us begin. Woojin, when was the last time you got tested?”

“Jisung!”

“We gotta be sure! Now answer the question.”

“I’ve never had sex.”

“But once you do start having sex, you’re going to get tested regularly, correct?”

“Yup, every two weeks. And don’t worry, I already know to always use a condom.”

“Good. Next, have you ever broken anyone’s heart?”

“I don’t think so, seeing as I’ve never had romantic involvement with anyone until now.”

Jisung let out a small gasp. “You’re a love virgin?”

Woojin giggled. “That’s what I said! But yes, I am a love virgin.”

“Hmm. Well, do you promise to always treat Chan with respect?”

“I promise to always respect him.”

“To make sure he knows he’s appreciated and cherished?”

“I promise to make sure he always knows he’s appreciated and cherished.”

“These sound like wedding vows,” Seungmin quipped, which made Felix giggle.

“Yeah Sungie, don’t you think you’re going a little far for a three hour relationship?”

“Hush! Do you promise to be there for Chan in his darkest moments, when he’s at his worst?”

Woojin was reminded of a Taylor Swift lyric-even in my worst times, you could see the best of me-and he smiled. “Yes, I promise to be there for Chan in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer,” Woojin said, causing Seungmin and Felix to giggle.

“Do you promise to always tell him the truth?” 

Woojin’s heart clenched. He’d already lied to Chan before-more than once now. He lied when Chan asked if he was Woojin, and he lied the past weekend about why he had ghosted the younger for two days. After seeing Chan in real life, Woojin was overwhelmed with guilt and just couldn’t talk to him, so he put him on do not disturb. But as soon as Woojin saw that Chan had been worried for his safety, he’d gone to assure him that he was okay-but lied in the process. He’d felt horrible about it, but Hyunjin assured him that it was okay, as Woojin hadn’t meant any harm.

But Jisung wasn’t asking if Woojin had always told the truth in the past, just whether or not he would always tell the truth from now on. And Woojin wanted to be honest from now on, so he would.

“Yes, I promise to always tell him the truth.”

“You hesitated. I don’t like that.”

“Sorry, just spaced out for a second.”

“See Jisung, he’s tired. You should just leave him be. He’s a good guy; I know it. That’s enough interrogating for now. Bye Woojin! See you later when you come into my room like you own the place!” Seungmin went to hang up, despite Jisung’s protests in the background.

The call ended and Woojin shook his head, laughing. Jisung was weird, but in a good way. Woojin decided he liked it. Woojin liked Jisung. Now the only friends of Chan’s he didn’t know were M and Changbin. Woojin was going to meet Changbin next Friday, and surely he’d get to know M once he revealed himself to Chan. Which would be very soon. Woojin had a plan. 

chan: jeez i’m sorry about them

 

bear: lol don’t be! i like them

bear: S is funny

chan: yeah he is

chan: weird but funny

bear: exactly

bear: and it’s obvious how much he cares about you

chan: really?

bear: yeah he adores you 

bear: he really wants you to be happy

chan: him and S2 left as soon as they hung up with you but i’m going to attack him with cuddles later 

bear: i really like your friends

chan: i really like them too

chan: most of them i haven’t known that long-like i met Y, S, and S2 at the start of this school year but they’re some of my favorite people that i just know are going to be in my life forever

bear: that’s exactly how i am with J, who’s the same age as those 3

chan: those 00 liners

bear: they really steal your heart

chan: you betcha

bear: :)

 

Tuesday 6:12 PM

prince hyunjinnie: why didn’t you tell me

baby bear: tell you what

prince hyunjinnie: that you & chan hyung are boyfriends now

baby bear: it’s a new development okay i wanted to wait until i saw you in person

prince hyunjinnie: i still feel betrayed

baby bear: sorry

prince hyunjinnie: it’s okay i’m mostly excited for you

prince hyunjinnie: omg i just realized we can go on double dates!

baby bear: if you ever confess to seungmin

prince hyunjinnie: who says i haven’t?

baby bear: WHAT

baby bear: YOU CONFESSED???

prince hyunjinnie: yup

baby bear: ARE YOU TOGETHER NOW???

prince hyunjinnie: yup

baby bear: YOU WERE MAD AT ME FOR NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT ME AND CHAN WHEN WE’VE ONLY BEEN TALKING FOR THREE WEEKS WHEN I’VE DEALT WITH YOU PINING AFTER SEUNGMIN FOR SIX MONTHS??? WHAT THE FUCK

prince hyunjinnie: i was going to tell you right away but then seungmin mentioned how chan told him he’s dating you now and i went to text you about that

baby bear: you getting with seungmin is more important we should have talked about that first

prince hyunjinnie: seungmin & i getting together is not more important

prince hyunjinnie: this is your first relationship hyung that’s a big deal

baby bear: i know

baby bear: only took me 22 years

prince hyunjinnie: almost 23!

prince hyunjinnie: speaking of are you still planning to reveal your identity to chan on your birthday?

baby bear: yup

prince hyunjinnie: he’s your boyfriend now don’t you think it’s time to tell him

baby bear: he didn’t mention it before when i said we should be boyfriends so i don't think i have to

prince hyunjinnie: but what’s the point of keeping it a secret anymore

baby bear: idk mystery’s fun

prince hyunjinnie: you’re weird but whatever

prince hyunjinnie: it’s your relationship

prince hyunjinnie: minnie and i are going to dinner but i’ll talk to you later, okay hyung?

baby bear: sounds good 

prince hyunjinnie: bye

prince hyunjinnie: bye

 

Tuesday 6:26 PM

chan: S2 got with his roommate! at last!

 

Woojin almost replied with “I know!” but stopped himself at the last moment.

 

bear: tell them i say congrats!

bear: so everyone in your friend group is in a relationship now huh

chan: yup

chan: no bachelors here

bear: death of a bachelor

chan: OH OH OH LETTING THE WATER FALL

bear: DEATH OF A BACHELOR SEEMS SO FITTING FOR 

chan: HAPPILY EVER AFTER OOOOOOOOOH

bear: HOW COULD I ASK FOR MORE

chan: A LIFETIME OF LAUGHTER

bear: AT THE EXPENSE

chan: OF THE DEATH OF A BACHELOR

bear: that’s a great song and an even greater album 

chan: truly

chan: what’s your favorite song on that album? 

bear: crazy=genius

bear: yours?

chan: emperor’s new clothes

chan: i love panic at the disco

bear: me too

chan: i think panic is my favorite artist after taylor

bear: imagine them doing a collab

chan: that would never happen but i’d lose my shit if it did

bear: i will see that it does happen

chan: how

bear: magic

chan: you’re a wizard bear

bear: do do do dodo do do doo do do doo do doo do

chan: i can bear the harry potter music now

bear: that’s my favorite artist

chan: harry potter?

bear: no whoever did the score for the harry potter movies

bear: the soundtrack is fantastic

chan: super fantastic

bear: you know when something’s a double negative? like for example, saying “i’m not going to not come” is a double negative. when you said super fantastic it felt like a double positive 

chan: that was confusing but now that i have read it a few times and fully understand it (i think) i appreciate you choosing to share it

chan: i appreciate the thoughts of your odd mind

bear: i appreciate your not compliments

chan: we’re a wacky couple aren’t we

bear: we are but i think it’s cute

chan: yeah we’re cute

bear: super cute 

chan: Y and B whomst? M and S wheremst? S2 and his roommate howmst???? i only know chan and bear

bear: we’re older than all of them so we’re automatically superior because seniority

chan: you’re so right

bear: i know

chan: oof i’m hungry

bear: then go have dinner mi cielo

chan: i was supposed to have dinner with S2 but he hasn’t been answering my calls & it seemed no one was around when i visited his room so i think he’s on a date 

chan: but that means i’m screwed because i do not have money for food 

chan: almost all my meals are paid for by my friends because they all have jobs (and M’s parents are rich)

bear: none of your other friends are around?

chan: none are answering my texts

chan: is it like a collective “everyone be out with their boyfriend day” or what

chan: WAIT ITS NOT VALENTINE’S DAY IS IT

bear: no sweetie that was last month

bear: ten days before we met

chan: the absolute destiny of it all 

chan: ok M finally got back to me

chan: he says him & S are on a double date with changlix

bear: changbin + felix?

chan: yup

bear: what would our ship name be?

bear: chan + bear=chear

chan: that seems like it’d be pronounced like chair

bear: that works i like chairs

bear: especially comfy chairs

chan: the 11th doctor does too

bear: THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING

chan: the way we have the same interests/like the same things but always have different opinions on them

bear: we haven’t even said our opinions yet how do you know

chan: favorite doctor, companion, and episode. go

bear: 13/jodie whittaker, martha jones, & the snowmen 

chan: 10/david tennant, rory williams, & vincent and the doctor

 

 

bear: oh not rory he’s so lame

bear: he’s just like “amy pay attention to me love me look i waited 2000 years for you see how amazing i am blah blah blah”

chan: that’s unfair 

chan: rory wants amy to pay attention to him because he’s her boyfriend & for all of s5 she made him feel like she didn’t actually care about him 

chan: also 2000 years is no joke like how could you possibly top that romantic gesture 

bear: i’d wait 4000 years for you

chan: okay you win

chan: but deadass i’m starving here 

bear: didn’t you say earlier it was collective hang out with your boyfriend day?

chan: i did 

bear: and i’m your boyfriend now

chan: you are

bear: so let’s have dinner together

chan: really?

bear: yeah

bear: did you ever see that movie about time?

chan: i did and i loved it

bear: i hated it anyway

bear: we can go to one of those restaurants where everything is dark & the waiters are blind like in that movie 

chan: ohhhh you’re so smart

chan: but how are we going to end up at the same table?

bear: i’ll text you the address and we can meet in front of the restaurant 

bear: i’ll hide and wait until i can see you and text you to let you know i’m coming and you’ll keep your eyes closed from then on

chan: your mind, it’s so powerful

chan: it amazes me sometimes

bear: me too babe

bear: me too

 

Woojin giggled and swooned upon seeing Chan standing in front of the restaurant. He was wearing a denim jacket and jeans, but also had a bow tie around his neck. His hair was a mess-a massive, platinum blonde, curly mess. He was leaning against the wall, one foot up against it and looking down at his phone. He had his headphones in and he occasionally bobbed his head to the beat. To a random passerby, he’d just seem like a scraggly college kid. But to Woojin, he was an absolute prince. 

 

Wednesday 7:11 PM

bear: heehee i see you

chan: ok should i close my eyes

bear: turn your back and put your hands out

bear: i saw an episode of parks & rec once where a couple got married and to make sure they didn’t see each other (cause bad luck) they would call out a codeword to each other and backed up until they collided and held hands

bear: let’s do that

chan: okay what’s our codeword

bear: hmm

bear: oso

chan: %

chan: okay

bear: i’m coming out from hiding now

“Oso?” Woojin called out tentatively.

“Oso,” Chan replied confidently, despite his terrible accent. Woojin snickered and continued to back up.

“Oso,” Chan said again, sounding closer than before.

“Oso,” Woojin said, and then his back hit someone else’s. His hands felt around until they were holding Chan’s. 

Woojin giggled. “Hi.”

Chan giggled, and Woojin thought it might have been the most adorable sound he had ever heard.

“Hey there. Are we gonna go in like this?”

“How about you hold my hand and lead me in-I’ll stay behind you.”

“You got it, chief.”

“You mean boyfriend.”

Chan turned and let go of Woojin’s right hand, squeezing the one he was still holding.

“Boyfriend.”

 

Chan led the way, looking straight ahead of him. They went inside and left their belongings in a little locker so they couldn’t cheat and look at the light from their phones. A waiter came along and instructed Chan and Woojin to put a hand on each of his shoulders. The two obeyed, holding each other’s free hand. They followed the waiter until the light got less and less and less, and Chan didn’t have to close his eyes anymore, because the difference between having your eyes open and closed was nothing.

They were sat at their table and offered wine, but they politely refused. They got water and menus and the waiter left.

“I wish I knew braille. I have no idea what I’m going to order-I don’t even know what it says.” 

“Same here. Maybe we could just ask for our favorite foods and hope that they have them.”

“I like the way you think, Kim.”

“Thanks Bang.”

Despite actually being in total darkness, Woojin felt like Chan’s giggle illuminated the room.

“So, boyfriend…”

“Yes, boyfriend?”

“Do you have any idea when I’ll get to find out your name?”

“Yes. You’ll know by April 8th. Probably before then, but I know the latest will be April 8th.”

“Awesome.”

“Thank you for being okay with this whole mess. My insistence on keeping my identity secret. You’ve been really patient, and I’m super grateful for that.”

“Of course. I want you to be happy and comfortable, always.”

Woojin sighed dreamily. “You’re so great.”

“Aren’t I? Cheers to me! If I can find my glass. There it is! Cheers!”

Woojin laughed and clinked his water to Chan’s. “Cheers to you.”

“So, boyfriend…”

“Please, boyfriend is my father’s name. Call me Bear.”

Chan chuckled. “So, Bear...can you tell me about your stories?”

“What do you want to know about them?”

“What genre do you like to write? What kind of stories do you want to tell?”

“Those are kind of big questions there, Christopher. How do you define genres? What classifies a story as young adult or new adult? The age of the protagonist? The level of maturity required to read the content? And as for what kind of stories I want to tell, it varies. What dictates the kind of story I write depends on what kind of story I feel I need in my life at that moment.”

“Do you have a favorite of all the stories you’ve written?”

“I do.”

“What was that story about?”

“It was two steampunk fashion designers falling in love and traveling in time.”

“That concept pleased me so much it may as well have been dirty talk.”

Woojin laughed. “I was tempted to tease you for that, but I probably would have responded the same way if the tables were turned.”

“We could probably turn this table if we wanted.”

“That’s a random observation but yes, I suppose we could, though not without extreme difficulty.”

“Random observations are the only way I can contribute to a conversation, darling.”

Woojin fake gasped. “Don’t say that, Channie! How could you disrespect your wit and wisdom like that?”

Woojin felt like he could sense Chan’s thinking, then realization, and smirk.

“You think I’m witty and wise?”

Woojin was tempted to continue teasing, but he decided to be sweet instead.

“I really do. You’re amazing to talk to, Chris.”

Woojin used Chan’s English name seriously for the first time, as he had a feeling Chan missed hearing it.

“Where’s your hand? I want to hold it.”

Woojin smiled and leaned forward a bit, moving his hand around to try and find Chan’s. But in the search, he accidentally knocked over Chan’s glass.

“Oh shit-“

“Was that my water?”

“I think so.”

There was a bit of an awkward pause, but then Chan started laughing and Woojin felt himself relax and laugh too. They fumbled, but managed to dry the table with their napkins. They continued chatting, and Woojin had to admit he was disappointed when the waiter came, because if they ate, they couldn’t talk as much.

“Good evening, my name is Jung and I’ll be your waiter tonight, may I take your order?”

Underneath the table, Woojin felt Chan’s hand squeeze his knee and he smiled. It felt like a physical way of Chan smirking at him.  
They ordered-Woojin chicken, Chan seaweed soup, and luckily those were both things actually on the menu. Once the waiter left, they easily fell back into conversation, Chan holding Woojin’s hand under the table and tracing circles into his palm with his thumb. Woojin didn’t have a care in the world. He was on a date with his boyfriend (yes, he had a boyfriend) who was probably the most amazing guy Woojin had ever met. What more could he ask for?

Before they knew it, they had finished eating and it was time for the check.

“So, how are we going to do this?”

“Do what?”

“Leaving. How are we going to make sure I don’t see you?”

“I’ll just stay behind you, like when we came in. And once we get our stuff back, we’ll go to the same spot in front of the restaurant we met at earlier tonight. You’ll have you eyes closed and we’ll say our goodbyes, and I’ll magically disappear.”

“Will you leave behind a glass slipper?”

“Haven’t we done a Cinderella analogy before?”

“You’re right, we have. Will you leave behind...a feisty red dragon?”

“What?”

“Mulan!”

Woojin laughed. “God, I forgot about that movie.”

“It was my favorite. I watched it every day as a kid. Mulan, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Lee were all I had for Asian representation growing up. They were my heroes. Then I discovered kpop, and I realized the only way to become big in the music world was to be an idol.”

“Why was that the only way?”

“Because how many Asian pop stars are there in Western media? We don’t get as many opportunities in this industry in America and Europe. So I came here, because I knew it was a place where Asians could shine. But now...I’m not sure if being a pop star is my dream anymore.”

“What’s your dream now? Being a music teacher?”

“No.” Chan took Woojin’s hand, and Woojin just knew Chan was smiling.

“You. You’re my new dream.”

Woojin was glad Chan couldn’t see him, because he was blushing like crazy.

“Like in Tangled?”

Chan giggled. “Exactly like in Tangled.”

The waiter came back with Woojin’s credit card and led them out and back into the light. They retrieved their things and went out to the front of the restaurant. Somehow, they automatically just knew to turn around and hold hands. Standing back to back.

“This night was truly enchanting, Channie.”

“I’d say it was quite sparkling, Bear-y.”

“Practically flawless, mi cielo.”

“I’ve been left wonderstruck, angel.”

Woojin giggled. He lifted Chan’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “But seriously, I had a great time.”

“Me too.”

“By our next date, you’ll know who I am. I promise.”

“I know. And I trust you.”

Woojin sighed happily. “I don’t want to go.”

“Neither did David Tennant, but we all have to some time. Now get out of here. You got class in the morning.”

Woojin squeezed Chan’s hands before letting go. “Goodnight, Chan.”

“Goodnight, Bear.”

 

Wednesday 9:42 PM

bear: i just got back to my room

chan: i’m almost at mine

bear: i had a really great time

chan: me too

chan: i’m really excited for the next one

chan: when i can take you out

bear: i already know it’s going to be magical

bear: if this date was Enchanted, then the next one’s gonna be Fearless

chan: totally

chan: that was the best date I’ve ever been on 

bear: i’m honored

bear: i have nothing to compare this to, but i know no one else will be able to beat it

chan: i know who can

bear: oh really

bear: who

chan: future chan

chan: when he takes you out

bear: is that a challenge?

chan: maybe 

bear: who can plan the perfect date

bear: just you wait, bang

bear: just you wait

chan: i arrived at my room and Y’s here and he asked where i was and i told him on a date with you and now he wants to know all the details so i gotta go tell him the story

bear: yeah and i better fill in J

chan: talk tomorrow?

bear: of course

bear: sleep well mi cielo

chan: bye

bear: bye 

 

Thursday 8:51 AM

bear: do you think you’ll ever get married

chan: maybe? i mean i could in australia but i kind of want to live here from now on so unless they legalize it at some point during my lifetime than i don’t think i can

bear: but you wanna settle down with someone 

chan: yeah and have happily ever after and all that jazz

bear: i knew it

bear: you cheesy romantic 

chan: you’re a romantic too

bear: guilty

chan: what about you?

bear: i have no idea i only got my first boyfriend two days ago

bear: i think i’m kind of scared of commitment 

chan: understandable

bear: what’s something you’re afraid of in relationships?

chan: feeling powerless

chan: when i was with hoseok there were a lot of moments where i felt powerless and it was kind of terrifying

chan: i don’t want to feel that way again

bear: i don’t want you to feel that way either

chan: don’t worry

chan: with you, i feel the opposite

chan: powerful and confident-like i can do anything as long as you’re with me

bear: shut up

bear: go to class lover boy

chan: you’re blushing

bear: shh it’s a secret

chan: heehee

 

Thursday 1:24 PM

jeonginnie: when were you planning on telling me that you have a boyfriend

bear hyung: i’m sorry it slipped my mind

jeonginnie: how rude

bear hyung: can you forgive me

jeonginnie: if you tell me about him

bear hyung: it’s the guy i’ve been texting with-chan

jeonginnie: omg really? you told him who you are?

bear hyung: no

jeonginnie: so you’re dating-like, you’re boyfriends, a couple, in a relationship-and you still won’t tell him who you are?

bear hyung: ...yeah?

jeonginnie: what’s the point of it being secret anymore?

bear hyung: i don't know, it’s just that it’s been like this the whole time and idk how to do a normal relationship

jeonginnie: he probably knows how

jeonginnie: or you can at least figure it out together

bear hyung: i know

bear hyung: you’re right

jeonginnie: so you’re gonna tell him?

bear hyung: i will

bear hyung: soon

jeonginnie: sigh

jeonginnie: i gotta go 

jeonginnie: but good luck hyung

bear hyung: thanks

 

Thursday 4:35 PM

chan: dancing is hard

bear: i know 

bear: that's another reason why i’m considering not becoming an idol

bear: so i won’t have to dance

bear: i can do it it just takes a lot of work for me to get good at it

chan: same and i’m too impatient for that

bear: why are you dancing anyway

chan: i went to the dance studio to meet M and he was practicing and wanted to teach me how to do some stuff

chan: and idk how he does it

bear: we might have talked about this before but now i can’t remember-what are all your friend’s majors

chan: M and Y are dance majors, B and S are songwriting like me, and S2 is a singing major like you

chan: what’s J’s major?

bear: dance

bear: I hopes to come here next year and he wants to be a singing major

chan: i wish him luck cause S2 has told me its harder than it looks

bear: he’s right

bear: the teachers work you so hard

bear: now that i’m a senior i’m used to it, but i used to go back to my room feeling like i’d run a marathon

chan: it’s crazy to think about 

bear: what is

chan: that we’ve been at the same school this entire time, and we never really interacted

chan: we could have been friends and boyfriends a lot sooner, but we just passed each other by

bear: thank god for the magic of the internet

chan: truly

chan: it made our meeting very 21st century and not super romantic but i’m just glad we found each other

bear: that’s cute

chan: you’re cute

bear: you’re right

chan: my dear i am sorry for the short chat but i am very hot and sweaty and i must transport myself to a location with air conditioning

chan: i’ll talk to you in a bit, okay? i gotta squeeze in some homework & shower before we all get together for a birthday dinner for S2’s boyfriend 

bear: okay have fun 

chan: bye

bear: bye

 

Thursday 4:52 PM

baby bear: now what’s this i hear about a birthday dinner with you and all of chan’s friends

prince hyunjinnie: why do i feel like i’m in trouble

baby bear: don’t worry you’re not

baby bear: i’m just curious as to why you didn’t tell me about it 

prince hyunjinnie: i didn’t know i was supposed to

baby bear: it’s just weird to think of you hanging out with chan 

prince hyunjinnie: you’re not jealous, are you?

baby bear: pfft of course not 

baby bear: you’d never make a move on chan

prince hyunjinnie: i didn’t mean like that 

prince hyunjinnie: i meant jealous that i’m getting to spend time with him 

baby bear: oh

baby bear: yeah

prince hyunjinnie: then just tell him who you are already!!!!!

prince hyunjinnie: you really think you have anything of being afraid of at this point

baby bear: i’m tired of talking about this

prince hyunjinnie: sigh

prince hyunjinnie: fine

baby bear: i know, i’m a handful

prince hyunjinnie: lucky for you, i have two hands

baby bear: lol

baby bear: have fun

baby bear: you, me, jeongin and seungmin gotta all get together for a bday dinner of our own, okay?

prince hyunjinnie: of course 

baby bear: i love you

prince hyunjinnie: aw hyung i love you too!

baby bear: happy birthday

prince hyunjinnie: thank you

prince hyunjinnie: and thanks again for the shoes and the book

baby bear: of course 

prince hyunjinnie: bye

baby bear: bye

 

Thursday 10:07 PM

chan: what’s up demons it’s me, ya boi

bear: so i’m a demon

chan: yes

bear: sure

bear: how was dinner?

chan: lovely

chan: what did you get up to while i was gone

bear: homework

chan: thrilling

bear: it really was

bear: but i also did some writing

bear: it was really fun 

chan: that’s awesome!

bear: yeah

chan: you don’t sound the way people sound when something’s awesome

bear: it’s just that the more i write, the more i remember how in love with it i am, and the more i want it to be a job

bear: but convincing my parents to let me become a writer doesn’t seem likely

chan: why wouldn’t your parents want you to become a writer?

bear: not a stable career-my family doesn’t want me to be a starving artist 

chan: in that sense, how is being an idol different from being a writer?

bear: my family doesn’t know i wanted to be an idol

bear: want

bear: i want to be an idol

bear: i think anyway

chan: you told me that when you came out to your parents, they told you that they just wanted you to be happy. i think that still applies here

bear: sigh

bear: i hope so

chan: the more i think about not being an idol, the more i realize that it’s what i want

chan: if i’m an idol, i can’t date, and i’ll have to be closeted, which isn’t fun

chan: i won’t be able to settle down or have much privacy 

chan: i probably won’t get a lot of time off either

chan: i love making music and being a leader

chan: but i don’t need to be an idol to do that, right?

bear: definitely not

chan: oh

chan: i do need to be an idol to do that?

bear: no stupid i said definitely not because i was agreeing with you that you definitely don’t need to be an idol to be a leader that makes music

chan: oh cool

bear: %) 

chan: if this is too much you can stop me

bear: okay

chan: but imagine after we graduated we got an apartment together-the writer and the music teacher

bear: we’ve been dating for three days and you’re already imagining us living together?

chan: i know i know but i just have no chill

bear: is that so 

chan: but really can i indulge in my fantasy or i am i going too fast

bear: go ahead

bear: i like fast

chan: ¥}

chan: that’s a smirk

bear: cute

chan: much like you

chan: anyway we could live somewhere chill and quiet-i’ve realized after 4 years in seoul i’m not a fan of being in big cities

bear: i like that idea

chan: oh oh and we can get armchairs next to each other so we can hold hands while we read!!! like in the movie up!

bear: that’s adorable

bear: but does that mean one of us is gonna die before we get to go on adventures together

chan: but they did go on adventures-the whole point was that their greatest adventure was each other, and the life they shared together

bear: you’re right

bear: sorry, it’s been a while since i saw it

chan: no worries

bear: i’m probably just as stupid as you for letting myself think ahead this far when we haven’t known each other that long 

bear: but i’m really looking forward to our adventures

chan: me too

bear: and with that, i leave you

bear: i’m going to get some rest

chan: i know i should too but i just got to the studio and i have an idea that i really like so i think i’m going to work on that

bear: fine but you better be in bed by 1

bear: i will pester B with texts telling him to check on you and make sure you’re asleep

chan: but he’d have to walk all the way across campus to get to my room 

bear: it’d be worth it

chan: shucks

bear: goodnight mi amor 

chan: goodnight you sap

bear: sap

bear: i wear that title with pride

 

Friday 6:27 AM

chan: GOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNIIIIIING

bear: shh i’m still sleeping

chan: you could just put your phone on silent

bear: whatever, i’m up

chan: sorry babe

bear: that’s alright

bear: why are you excited

chan: what made you think i was excited 

bear: your use of all caps

chan: ah

chan: can’t a guy just be jovial every now and then?

bear: no

chan: well if you must know…

bear: of course i must 

chan: taylor liked one of my posts last night

bear: SHUT UP

bear: NO WAY

bear: YOU’RE LYING 

chan: am not

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

bear: OH MY GOD

bear: THATS YOUR URL UNDER TAYLOR’S LIKES AND IDK WHAT YOU SAID BUT SHE LIKED IT SHE APPRECIATED IT IT MADE HER SMILE IT GAVE HER SUCH EMOTION THAT SHE REVEALED SHE WAS ONLINE AND LURKING TO APPLY A HEART ONTO IT

bear: AAAAAAAAHH

chan: in the post i talked about the taylor songs you and i compare our relationship to

bear: so taylor said gay rights?

chan: taylor said gay rights!

chan: i’m so happy

bear: what if she’s been lurking you for a while and she wants to invite you to the five holes in a fence secret sessions

chan: ha ha 

bear: do you have any theories? 

chan: i think we were all being stupid and reading too much into some simple pictures that she probably just posted for the aesthetic and ts7’s not coming for a while

bear: idk after the elle magazine stuff i think she’s planning something

bear: i just know i’m not letting my guard down 

bear: i think it’ll be called home or paradise

chan: i’ve seen those theories and i do like those names 

bear: what’s your favorite album title that you’ve come up with 

chan: ...i’m not good at coming up with titles

chan: that’s usually S’s job

bear: # 

bear: you’re useless 

chan: i know this isn’t original, but you keep being mean so i’m afraid i’m going to have to keep saying it: you’re a meanie

bear: :p

chan: if you stop being mean i won’t call you a meanie

bear: then i guess we’re at an impasse

chan: is it so hard to not be mean?

bear: it’s not my fault you’re easy to make fun of

chan: you know what i don’t think you’re a hufflepuff you bully me too much for that

bear: hufflepuffs can be bullies

bear: anyone from any house can be anything

bear: don’t stereotype houses

chan: i thought you were going to agree with my point because i’m a dumb ravenclaw

bear: you’re not dumb 

bear: and i’m not always mean

chan: look at you subverting expectations

bear: i’m an unpredictable guy, christopher

bear: try to keep up 

bear: ;)

chan: hehe

 

Friday 11:17 AM

chan: i’m cursed

bear: in what way

chan: i’m never on time

bear: you sure that’s not just a you problem

chan: that’s what i also thought at first, but i have since uncovered a conspiracy 

bear: do tell

chan: i’m afraid that’s classified information 

bear: and why is that

chan: ...i don’t have any evidence to prove my argument 

bear: so you’re a liar and a dummy? #

bear: at least you have abs

chan: my saving grace

bear: for you i would fall from grace

chan: JUST TO 

bear: TOUCH YOUR FAAACE

chan: IF YOU WALK AWAY

bear: I’D BEG YOU ON MY KNEES TO *gasp*

chan: STAY

bear: what a track 

bear: god i say track instead of song now because of taylor she’s cursed me 

chan: that fiend

bear: add that to the list of ways she’s ruined my life

chan: got a long list of ex lovers

bear: THEY’LL TELL YOU I’M INSANE

chan: BUT I GOT A BLANK SPACE BABY

bear: *click*

chan: AND I’LL WRITE YOUR NAME 

bear: that’s also an amazing track

bear: it reminds me of this guy i had a crush on sophomore year-his name’s taehyung, and i think he’s dating the teacher's assistant jimin now-but he had quite the blank space taylor reputation (‘s never been worse so he must like me for me) amongst the baby gay community on campus

chan: i know taehyung-he’s hoseok’s friend too 

chan: it’s so weird to think of him as a blank space type character when i only know him as a total sweetheart 

bear: really?

chan: yeah

chan: he’s like you but less shy

chan: and i think you’re wittier

bear: why thank you

bear: that probably means if it wasn’t for the dumb rumors i might have had the courage to ask him out 

bear: what if i was with him now and you were still with hoseok? and we never met?

chan: i wouldn’t be as happy as i am now

bear: you give me too much credit

chan: i have to laugh

chan: you still don’t know how amazing you are, huh?

bear: i guess not

chan: that’s okay my dear

chan: i have plenty of time to help you see

bear: uwu

 

Friday 3:56 PM

bear: what would you tell taylor if you ever got to meet her

chan: that i love her and she’s been with me since i was 5 years old and i’m endlessly grateful to her for that-for always being there 

chan: what about you

bear: why wasn’t the moment i knew on the standard version of red

bear: it deserved better than just being a bonus track on the target edition 

bear: why didn’t she treat it the way it deserved to be treated? 

bear: golden rule tay

bear: come on

chan: valid

chan: why do you ask?

bear: i was just watching those videos on her youtube channel for the 1989 & rep secret sessions and imagining you getting to go to one

chan: you don’t want to go to one?

bear: are you kidding? of course i want to go to one

chan: then why didn’t you imagine yourself at a secret session?

bear: you deserve to go more than me

bear: you’ve been a fan for longer

chan: how long you’ve been a fan has nothing to do with how good a fan you are, or how much you deserve something like a session or swiftmas package 

chan: in a speech before long live/new year’s day on the rep tour, she mentioned that she appreciates us all, no matter how long we’ve been a fan or how big of a fan we are

chan: taylor loves us all <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

bear: you’re right

bear: i still feel like if i got invited to a session i’d feel guilty because i was taking the spot from someone who was a better fan than me

bear: but i know deep down nothing makes someone else a better fan

chan: exactly

chan: we’re all valid & appreciated in her eyes

bear: you make it sound like you’re talking about god

chan: we’ve been over this, taylor swift is god

bear: ah yes

bear: how could i forget

bear: we’re just so lucky to have taylor

chan: i felt that deeply

bear: you felt that deeply? where? in your soul?

chan: bold of you to assume souls are real

bear: what even is a soul

chan: idk ask toby fox

bear: ??

chan: undertale

chan: the fandom sucks but the game itself is incredible and the plot involves souls anyway

chan: according to google, a soul is the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal

chan: according to wikipedia, it’s the incorporeal essence of a living being

bear: so it’s the non-physical culmination of one’s self 

chan: basically

bear: i don’t like it

bear: it scares me

bear: it implies that we live on after our mortal bodies die, and that scares me because that implies reincarnation is real, and reincarnation scares me because it means you never stop existing, and that sounds exhausting-like we’re trapped in a cycle of consciousness forever

chan: but i think that when you’re reincarnated you don’t remember your past lives

bear: so you could be a brand new person in each life?

chan: yup

bear: but then what is your soul, if you’re never the same person? 

chan: maybe there’s one part of you that stays the same always

chan: for me, it’s my love for high school musical 

chan: that has always been and will always be a part of me

bear: but hsm came to be within your lifetime

bear: your love for it couldn’t have existed in past lives because hsm didn’t exist yet

chan: then this is my first life 

chan: no possible “me” can exist without my love for high school musical

bear: an interesting take

bear: would you dump me for troy bolton

chan: of course not

chan: i’d dump you for ryan evans

bear: lol i was hoping you’d say that

chan: look at us thinking the same thoughts

chan: soulmate behavior

bear: do you believe in soulmates?

chan: yes, but i also believe a person can have more than one soulmate 

chan: if you’re polyam or your partner dies young or something

chan: what about you?

bear: i don’t think i believe in souls, so i definitely don’t believe in soulmates

chan: just another thing i’ll have to change your mind about

bear: why do you want me to believe in souls?

chan: so you can see that we’re soulmates

bear: you just take every chance you get to flirt don’t you

chan: duh

bear: alright lover boy J wants me to give feedback on something he choreographed so i’m gonna watch him dance now

chan: you’ve already called me lover boy 

chan: we gotta freshen up the nicknames

bear: okay, then how about instead of mi cielo, i call you mi estrella?

bear: it means my star

chan: oh

chan: that’s really cute

chan: i wasn’t expecting that

 

bear: you’re not the only one who knows how to flirt, bang

bear: ;)

chan: panicked gay chris has joined the chat 

bear: excellent

bear: it’s all going according to plan

chan: evil bear

chan: hot

bear: :p

 

Friday 8:09 PM

bear: my roommate just came out to me and i must say i am feeling wlw-mlm solidarity on this fine friday night

chan: that’s a mood i love my wlw siblings

bear: you ever wish you had a sword so you can use it to defend lesbians

chan: all the time

bear: my roommate told me when you two met she introduced herself as Z, so we’ll refer to her as that from now on 

bear: i showed Z our conversation and she said she often wishes for a mace so she can defend mlm from fetish-y straight girls

chan: tell her i appreciate that

chan: may us queers unite and protect each other from the cishets

bear: i wish we could unite, but the community feels so divided

bear: with biphobia, transphobia, TERFS, SWERFS, ace discourse, truscum and tucutes, getting us to all stand together feels impossible

chan: i know

chan: i wish we could just stop gatekeeping and arguing and accept each other

bear: mood!!!

bear: we have similar oppressions, and if we stopped to listen to each other we’d realize there’s no reason to fight

chan: tea

bear: at least we have holland

chan: god what a MOOD

chan: he’s having a comeback soon!

bear: yeet

bear: what’s your fave song of his

chan: neverland

chan: yours?

bear: not afraid

bear: it highkey gave me troye sivan youth vibes

chan: you’re so right

chan: i remember watching the neverland video and i knew it was gonna be gay i just didn’t know there was gonna be a kiss so when it happened my jaw just DROPPED

bear: i was like the what the fuck? is that allowed? what the fuck? is this allowed? vine but in a good way

chan: can he really do that????

bear: he can and he did

chan: a king

bear: an icon

chan: a legend

chan: thank god we have holland

bear: truly

chan: i have a question

bear: i’d be happy to answer it

bear: that wasn’t sarcasm btw

chan: i know

chan: anyway you’re closeted to everyone but your immediate family and 3 friends

bear: correct

chan: when we start dating IRL, are you gonna be comfortable with PDA? if you’re not that’s totally fine, it just occurred to me so i thought i’d ask

bear: yeah i’m fine with it

bear: if you and your friends can be out on campus and stay safe, then i’ll be fine

bear: and i’m a bit worried about what happened to J happening to me, but he was out here for 6 months before anything happened, and we’ll be graduating in 2 months. i think i’ll be fine

bear: i’m trained in kendo; i know how to defend myself 

bear: i guess i legit need to get a sword

chan: hot

bear: thanks babe

chan: but just so you know, if you change your mind that’s totally fine-if you never want to come out while we’re here that’s okay. it’s totally up to you and i don’t want you to feel pressured into making any decisions because of me 

bear: don’t worry, mi estrella

bear: i agreed to PDA because i wanted to

bear: i want to kiss you and hold your hand, and i’m sure some of the times when i want to do those things we’ll be in public, but that’s okay

bear: i’ll kiss and hold your hand anyway

bear: because i want to

chan: your honor,,,,,,,,,i’m swooning

bear: you’re cute is what you are

chan: you’re right 

chan: as always

 

Saturday 2:01 AM

chan: are you awake

bear: yes

chan: do you believe in alternate dimensions

chan: like the multiverse

bear: yes

chan: what do you think we’re doing in a different dimension

bear: i’m a literature professor and you’re a mechanical engineer

chan: lmao why

bear: idk i just know it’s different from what we do in our dimension

chan: fair enough

bear: what do you think we’re doing in a different dimension

chan: so there must be a dimension where the dinasours didn’t all get wiped out, so i think in that dimension you’re a paleontologist and i’m a dino hunter that wants to kill them all cause this planet isn’t big enough for the both of us but you’re pro-dino and we meet and hate each other at first but then you convince me to stop killing dino’s and we work together to save them

bear: so basically an enemies to lovers au where we team up to protect wildlife

chan: precisely

bear: i like it 

bear: lol imagine an alternate universe where we’re straight

chan: gosh that sounds so depressing

bear: and limiting

bear: only experiencing attraction towards women seems so constrictive

chan: dating a woman to me to me sounds so boring

bear: what if there was a world where one of us is homophobic

chan: awful horrible ugly dirty terrible i hate it

chan: that concept gets -2 stars on yelp from me

bear: yeah it’s hard to imagine

bear: omg there’s probably a universe where Y and i did sleep together that night and maybe even ended up dating 

bear: and a universe where i asked out taehyung

chan: and a universe where hoseok and i never broke up

bear: one where you told changbin how you felt back when you liked him and he felt the same way so you two dated 

chan: gosh that’s so weird to imagine now

bear: one where we lived in a different time and i was royalty and you were my humble servant

chan: one where i never moved to seoul and instead you came to college in australia and we met there

chan: one where we’re hardened criminals, maybe like bonnie and clyde

bear: one where we were in high school musical

chan: one where we’re best friends with taylor swift

bear: one where we’re ninja turtles

chan: one where we traveled with the doctor

chan: one where you’re actually a bear 

bear: one where we’re movie stars

chan: one where we’re detectives

bear: one where we went to hogwarts

chan: one where we ride dragons

bear: one where we’re cartoons

chan: one where we’re accountants 

bear: okay we could go on forever so i think we should stop

chan: it’s crazy to think of all the infinite possibilities 

bear: i know like if a multiverse does exist then there are more worlds and versions of us than i can even begin to comprehend

chan: ooh wait you know what’s a cute thing i noticed

bear: %)

bear: what

chan: in every universe we imagined, we were together 

bear: 

bear: fine that is cute

chan: i don’t like the fact that there are universes where we’re never in each other’s lives at all 

bear: i don’t like that either

bear: i like having you in my life

chan: it’s mutual 

bear: what about a universe where we never went to college and tried to become idols right away instead 

bear: and we ended up debuting in a group together

bear: and the group had all our friends too-J, I, Y, M, S, B, and S2

bear: and we were all stars together

chan: now that would be really something

 

;)

 

Saturday 10:35 AM

bear: J has a boyfriend and they’re being all gross and in love and it’s sickening

chan: ew

chan: how dare they

bear: i know!!!

bear: right in front of my salad 

bear: #

chan: just so you’re fully aware, i want us to be that disgustingly adorable couple once we’re properly dating 

bear: oh i know

bear: i’m counting on it 

chan: the hypocrisy 

bear: it’s not my fault you’re cute and J’s ugly

chan: i would call you a meanie but you complimented me 

chan: please be kind to everyone 

bear: don’t worry, J knows he’s not actually ugly 

bear: he’s like THE pretty boy. like if he was part of an idol group he’d be in charge of visuals 

bear: he’s constantly being told that he’s pretty 

bear: it’s probably refreshing for him to hear that he’s ugly

chan: then i guess i can allow it

bear: gross now they’re making out 

bear: i have to write an essay, which is why i’m in J’s room (in case you forgot, my room’s wifi is shit so that’s why i go to his when i have work to do) so i can’t leave, so i’ll just put in my music super high and pray they don’t start having sex

chan: if you’re supposed to be writing an essay why are you talking to me

bear: it’s called multitasking christopher

chan: i don’t wanna distract you

bear: but i wanna talk to you (read that in a whiny tone)

chan: i want to talk to you too, i always do, but you have work to do

chan: and the sooner you finish your essay, the sooner you can leave J’s room and get away from their grossness

bear: sigh

bear: you’re right

chan: for once

bear: stop being mean to yourself 

bear: i’m the only one who’s allowed to be mean to you

chan: okaaaaay

bear: i’m going now

chan: alright

chan: byeee

 

Saturday 2:31 PM

bear: i procrastinated for a while and battled writer’s block but at last i have finished the essay

chan: HUZZAH

chan: i was getting so bored

chan: playing go fish with S gets old after a while

bear: i can imagine

chan: he’s insulted but that’s what he gets when he snoops so he can read my texts

bear: i just imagined J and I with all of your friends

chan: chaos

bear: but it was hard to think about what M would do though tell me more about him you don’t talk about him much

chan: he’s weird but we love it

chan: he likes to flirt and often does sexy dances no one asked for

chan: he jokes around a lot 

chan: he really loves his 3 cats soongie, doongie, and dori

chan: he’s also super clingy and cuddly

chan: his laugh is insanely adorable

bear: i bet J’s laugh is cuter 

bear: J’s laugh is birthday cake and confetti and starlight and twirling and glitter and all things lovely

chan: first of all, competitive much? second of all, that’s cute and poetic 

bear: so i win

chan: %)

bear: okay, let me just get all of your friends straight

chan: sorry my dear, i’m afraid none of us are straight

bear: %

bear: there’s S, who you write songs with, and he’s hyper and funny-intentionally but also not

chan: yeah, we laugh with him but also at him

bear: and he’s dating M 

chan: correct

bear: and there’s B, who you also write with, and you were in love with him but you’re not anymore, and he’s dating Y

chan: yup

chan: B loves to act like he’s all dark and edgy but he’s really just a cutie

bear: okay, i feel like i’ve got em all down since i know Y and you just told me about M

chan: what about S2?

bear: i know him IRL

bear: seungmin, right?

chan: ugghh yeah

bear: sorry

chan: it’s okay it’s just not as fun when the mystery’s spoiled like that

chan: but tell me more about I

bear: he’s just a baby

bear: he doesn’t really like physical affection or being babied

bear: but he lets me be cuddly with him

bear: he acts like he hates his hyungs but he really doesn’t

bear: literally everyone is whipped for him

chan: i can’t wait to integrate our friend groups

bear: it’s gonna be cool to have our worlds combine like that

bear: wild

chan: but cool

bear: yeah that’s what i was gonna say

chan: we finish each other’s sentences

chan: soulmate behavior

bear: skeptic emoji

 

Saturday 7:45 

chan: i’m sad

bear: what’s wrong mi estrella

chan: i was just looking at lyrics i wrote after hoseok broke up with me and it brought back memories of that time

bear: oh honey 

bear: i’m at I’s house right now but if i was on campus i’d run to you and give you the biggest hug

chan: i know

chan: is it weird that i’m talking to you about this? i’ve been told that bringing up the ex to your current bf is a no no

bear: you can talk to me about anything 

bear: if you’re upset and want to talk to me you always can, no matter what you’re upset about

bear: and i’m not the jealous type anyway

chan: thanks baby

chan: he was just really toxic

chan: he had a lot of internalized homophobia that he projected onto me 

chan: he made me feel ashamed and wrong for being gay and i felt guilty and hated myself

chan: and he played with my feelings a lot too-he made me think he cared about me when i actually meant nothing to him

chan: he made me feel so worthless

bear: please don’t ever base your self worth on how others see you

bear: i promise you, you’re far from worthless

bear: you’re super kind and patient and understanding and selfless and wise and funny and charming and sweet and i adore you 

bear: there’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to feel ashamed or guilty

bear: god i want to give you a hug so bad now 

bear: you deserve so much better than him 

bear: you deserve someone who will cherish and appreciate you and never take you for granted 

bear: because you’re amazing

chan: just so you know 

chan: i’ve never liked you more than i do in this moment

bear: :)

chan: thank you

chan: i really needed all of that

bear: i’m really glad i helped

chan: you definitely did

chan: i still can’t believe you can’t see how amazing you are

chan: i’ll never stop being in shock about that

bear: get used to it, buster

bear: my self esteem’s not improving any time soon

chan: not if i have anything to say about it 

bear: (insert shy smiling emoji)

chan: i’m emotionally exhausted 

chan: i think i’m going to have dinner and try to get some sleep

bear: okay mi sol (my sun)

bear: sleep well

chan: you just love making me celestial objects huh

bear: okay then how about precioso mío instead

bear: it means my precious 

chan: that just makes me think of lord of the rings

chan: and no offense, but gollum is not sexy

bear: mi nube

bear: it means my cloud jajaja

chan: %

bear: okay wait i’ve got one that’s legit: mi milagro

bear: it means my miracle

chan: my uwu machine broke

chan: that’s the sweetest thing i’ve ever heard

bear: heehee

bear: i’m glad you like it

chan: goodnight mi amor

bear: goodnight mi milagro

 

Sunday 9:08 AM

bear: hey

bear: how are you feeling 

chan: better

chan: you really helped

chan: i talked to M and Y too and they made me feel better about the internalized homophobia stuff

bear: that’s great

bear: i’m really glad

chan: how are you?

bear: i’m chill hanging at a cafe while I hangs out with a friend (i’m his ride)

chan: you have a car??

bear: lol no but i’s parents do and we borrowed it from them and since i slept over last night I asked me to be his chauffeur before going back to campus

chan: but gays can’t drive

bear: but i am a bisexual 

bear: also more of a can’t sit gay than a can’t drive gay

chan: i can’t math

chan: but then again who can

bear: 

chan: i hate you

chan: omg remember that guy who asked you out last week? namjoon?

bear: i do remember

chan: i just saw him kiss this freshman jungkook from my window

bear: uwu

bear: happy for them

chan: me too!!

chan: also excited/relieved because this means he won’t pursue you anymore 

bear: even if he did it wouldn’t matter because i’m with you 

chan: i know i guess i just worry because if he flirts with you maybe you’ll realize he’s cooler and hotter and fall for him & dump me

bear: chan

bear: chris

bear: christopher

bear: mr. bang

bear: cb97 (before you ask S2 exposed your soundcloud to me though i don’t know why you’re embarrassed of it all the songs you and B and S put up there are great-tell B i was thoroughly impressed by if) 

bear: i want to be with you and only you

bear: i like you a lot a lot a lot and thus far i haven’t met anyone cooler or hotter than you

bear: i haven’t liked anyone before as much as i like you 

bear: you’re a real catch and i plan on keeping you around for a while 

chan: ...shucks

chan: okay

chan: i’m blushing 

bear: you asked for it 

chan: i suppose i did

chan: maybe i should get insecure more often 

bear: %) 

 

Sunday 4:48 PM

chan: what’s your favorite flower 

bear: cirisium is cool its like a femme cactus

bear: what about you 

chan: i like roses 

bear: that’s so BORING

bear: like you could not have given more of a basic answer 

chan: i’m offended

bear: i’m offended by your flower preferences

chan: you’re such a bitch

bear: gasp

bear: you’re such whore

chan: you’re an asshole

bear: you’re a dumbass

chan: you’re a skank

bear: you’re a little shit

chan: you’re a slut

bear: you’re a cunt

chan: oh shit 

chan: is that allowed

bear: too late now i already did it and you can’t take it back 

chan: rebel bear

bear: let me just grab my leather jacket real quick 

chan: and don’t forget to slick your hair back mr. zuko

bear: we’re such theater nerds

chan: i know isn’t that cute of us

bear: extremely

bear: there’s something on the fence about pls assist

chan: of course! tell me about your dilemma my dear

bear: J and i are going out tonight and i kind of wanna wear a dress

bear: i saw one in J’s roommate’s closet and J’s roommate said he got it as a gift for a friend but ended up not giving it to them so i could have it if i wanted  
bear: so i took it and put it on

bear: and i really like how it looks 

bear: and i feel really good in it

bear: spinning like a bear in a brand new dress

chan: WE HAD THIS BIG WIDE CITY RIGHT TO OURSELVES

bear: WE BLOCKED THE NOISE WITH THE SOUND OF I NEED YOU AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I HAD SOMETHING TO LOSE

chan: AND I GUESS WE FELL APART IN THE USUAL WAY AND THE STORY’S GOT DUST ON EVERY PAGE

bear: SOMETIMES I WONDER HOW YOU THINK ABOUT IT NOW AND I SEE YOUR FACE IN EVERY CROWD

chan: CAUSE DARLING IT WAS GOOD

bear: NEVER LOOKING DOWN

chan: AND RIGHT THERE WHERE WE STOOD

bear: WAS HOLY GROUND

chan: sorry

bear: don’t be i opened myself up for that

bear: was kind of counting on it tbh 

chan: anyway continue telling me about your dilemma cause so far i don’t see what it is-you got a new outfit you feel good in to wear when you go out tonight. where’s the problem?

bear: a man wearing a dress isn’t really socially acceptable in seoul

chan: wait i’ve got a lightbulb

chan: what if you got a wig, some makeup, and leggings

chan: and were just a girl for tonight?

bear: hm 

bear: that’s an intriguing concept i definitely don’t hate

bear: i’m scared someone might see through it though

chan: i do want you to prioritize your safety, but i also want you to experiment/try new things and have fun

chan: the choice is ultimately up to you

bear: i think i’m gonna do it

bear: i’ll ask Z for help-she has wigs and leggings i can borrow and she can do my makeup

bear: luckily we’re roughly the same size 

bear: i think this could work

chan: yay! 

bear: okay i’m off to have a makeover montage

bear: i’ll text you later when we’re coming home from the bar

chan: wait hold on a second y’all are going to drink on a sunday?

bear: ...neither of us is religious? 

chan: %

chan: i’m pointing out because you have class in the morning and i want you to get a good night’s sleep

bear: the professor i have for my first class tmw sent an email saying class was canceled and J’s first class isn’t until 11

bear: and i promise we’ll be asleep by 2

chan: i guess i can allow it

bear: thanks dad 

chan: lucky for you, i don’t have a daddy kink 

bear: no one asked but okay

bear: i’m going to go get ready now 

chan: have fun!

bear: bye 

 

Monday 1:22 AM

bear: CHAN OH MY GOD

bear: TONIGHT WAS SO CRAZY

bear: WE ENDED UP GOING TO A GAY BAR AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN

bear: I PRESENTED LIKE A GIRL AND EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS A GIRL AND HOLY CRAP IT WAS AMAZING

bear: GUYS, GIRLS, AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN FLIRTED WITH ME PEOPLE REFERRED TO ME WITH DIFFERENT KINDS OF PRONOUNS (and before you ask no one piqued my interest i all politely told them i have a boyfriend and they were cool about it thankfully)

bear: IT WAS SO COOL

chan: that’s awesome baby! I’m super happy for you

bear: thanks luv

bear: at one point during the night i started to question my gender identity i was like what if because i’m enjoying all of this i’m not a man?

bear: but i don’t really think it’s that

bear: because i still feel perfectly happy & comfortable being the way i’ve always been

bear: it’s just cool to know i’m just as comfortable and happy being seen not as a man

bear: and it was awesome to be in such an accepting queer space

bear: i’ve never had something like that before 

chan: i’m so glad you were able to have that! it sounds really great

bear: we should go to this bar together at some point

chan: absolutely 

chan: for my birthday i asked my friends for dresses and makeup but then panicked and told them not to get any of that for me after all because i was scared of the possible reaction i could get from dressing like that on campus

chan: but if i can be in a safe space like that then i think i can go for it

bear: hell yeah!

bear: we’ll be the hottest femme couple this town’s ever seen

chan: you know it 

chan: now go to sleep so you can be properly rested for tomorrow 

bear: only if you do too!

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

chan: way ahead of you 

bear: nice try bang, but you’ve sent me that picture before

bear: and i texted B to ask where you are and he confirmed my suspicions-you’re in the studio working

chan: uggggghh

chan: fine i’ll go to my room

bear: now that’s a good boy

chan: there you go being kinky again

bear: :p

bear: goodnight pervert

chan: goodnight bitch

Monday 11:37 AM

chan: how bad’s your hangover

bear: first of all that’s not correct grammar, second of all, nonexistent

bear: i had like two drinks last night

bear: did i sound drunk when we were texting?

chan: no i just thought you might be a more composed drunk than me 

chan: curse you and your responsibleness

bear: i’m pretty sure that’s not a word

chan: there wasn’t a red line under it when i typed it so it’s legit

chan: besides you can put anything before ness and make it a word

bear: dinosaurness

bear: bearness

bear: bookness

chan: those are all words

bear: are you sure

chan: was there a red line when you typed them

bear: ….no

chan: i win

bear: you know what we should do sometime? a game night

chan: omg yes!!! that would be amazing 

chan: i’m amazing at scrabble

bear: taylor would be proud

bear: i’ve never played it

chan: HOWMST

bear: there isn’t a korean version okay

bear: what about twister? I’m the king of twister

chan: you can’t be good at twister

bear: yeah you can balance and flexibility can be deal breakers when it comes to that game

chan: it’s more luck because certain people end up in easier positions than others

bear: %

bear: what about jenga?

chan: i love jenga! S and i play it all the time

bear: excellent 

bear: we can do charades and ddaeng too

chan: oh so we’re gambling now? 

bear: we can bet on candy 

chan: good gotta keep things PG

bear: must we?

chan: yeah we’ll be playing with our friends and I’s just a baby

bear: but after

bear: when’s it just us…

chan: i’d accept PG-13

bear: %)

 

Monday 3:20 PM

chan: i’m suppose to be cleaning but i don’t want to

bear: what’s gonna happen if you don’t clean

chan: Y’s gonna lock me out

chan: i could room with S cause he doesn’t have a roommate but that’s kinda dramatic 

chan: i should probably just clean my room 

bear: you should

bear: just put on some good tunes

bear: you can get through it 

chan: i am in the mood to listen to speak now

dhan: but she doesn’t have that many bangers

bear: i am offended

bear: sparks fly? better than revenge? the story of us? they all deserve better than this 

chan: you’re right idk how i could forget them 

chan: i was just thinking of the ballads-last kiss, back to december, dear john, innocent, enchanted

bear: those are fantastic but i will not tolerate sparks fly, better than revenge or the story of us erasure

bear: also i wouldn’t exactly call enchanted a ballad

chan: as much as i’d love to debate about how to classify what type of song enchanted is, i think i should just clean and get it over with

bear: sounds like a plan

chan: see you on the other side

chan: if i live

bear: %)

 

Monday 10:22 PM

chan: i cleaned my room and changlix took me out to dinner 

bear: see only good came out of it

chan: yeah yeah you were right, i know

chan: what did you get up to? any writing?

 

bear: no sadly writer’s block hit so i hung out with this guy jin-he used to work in the library before they started to renovate it

bear: and don’t worry he has a girlfriend

bear: but he’s super cool he has a youtube channel where he does this series called eat jin and he asked me to guest star on it with him so i did

bear: i got free dinner and a possible ticket to stardom

bear: well maybe not stardom cause he has like 12k subscribers but still

chan: heehee that sounds like fun 

bear: it was fun

chan: this is random but are you sure you don’t want to do anything for your bday?

bear: not really

bear: you can get me a present

bear: but that’s it  
chan: if that’s the case then you’re not allowed to do anything for my birthday 

bear: what noo that’s not fair 

chan: equality

bear: but it’s cause you already made me that super sweet care package when i was sick and wrote me a song

chan: i don’t care if i can’t throw you a party you can’t throw me one

bear: ugggghhh

bear: fine 

bear: you win this time bang

chan: hurrah!

chan: you just can’t resist me, can you?

bear: :p


	5. The Fifth Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil thing to note before we get into it: in this au twice is to the world what bts is to us. bts aren't idols in this, so twice plays the roles in pop culture that bts normally would. that's all! hope you enjoy <3

Tuesday 2:03 AM

bear: and i feel an overwhelming amount of love for I in this chili’s tonight

chan: i don’t even know him but i felt that

bear: why sleep when you could love and appreciate your friends instead

bear: i just spammed him with a bunch of texts saying how much i love him and he just said shut up i’m trying to sleep

chan: back in my day we respected our elders

bear: the audacity of kids these days

bear: anyway why are you still up

bear: you better not be in the studio

chan: don’t worry i’m in my room i promise

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

bear: WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE

bear: IS YOUR HAIR BLACK

chan: heehee you noticed!

bear: of course i did! and it’s all curly gosh it looks so soft i wanna touch it

chan: i’m glad you can’t it’s super oily and greasy

bear: when did you do it?

chan: sunday

bear: why didn’t you tell me?

chan: i wanted it to be a surprise

chan: surprise!

bear: lol well i love it

bear: your hair’s naturally black, right?

chan: yup

chan: i’ve been wanting to have it black again for a while but i was too impatient to just let my roots grow back in

chan: so with Y and S2’s help, i have transformed back to my original beauty!

bear: i approve

chan: your hair’s black, right?

bear: not naturally

chan: gasp

bear: lol it’s naturally brown but i dyed it black with J’s help in november 

chan: think you’d ever dye it an unnatural color?

bear: maybe blue

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

chan: like this?

chan: that’s a pic of when S went blueberry back in december

chan: his hair’s brown now

bear: nah not like that it would be a lighter blue-not too much lighter but just not dark blue

bear: but it looks really good on him

chan: i’ll let him know

chan: update: he says thank you

bear: :)

chan: i’ve been thinking 

bear: yes

chan: you know a lot of my interests, but i feel like i don’t really know yours

bear: yeah you do

bear: we share a lot of interests

chan: there’s gotta be some stuff you like that i don’t

bear: well i like books

chan: what’s your fave book

bear: how am i supposed to pick just one? 

bear: there is a book called they both die at the end which is a really sad but beautiful story about living your life to the fullest and never wasting a second and it features this amazing love story between two boys that you’ll ship harder than anything you’ve ever shipped in your life even though they’ve only known each other one day (the whole book takes place over the course over one day)

bear: it’s amazing

chan: well i’m sold

chan: i’ll stop by a bookstore and get it tomorrow

bear: it’s american so idk how many places will have it 

bear: i was gifted it by my mom idk where she got it

chan: ok i’ll just order it in english online

bear: bilingual privilege

chan: it’s not my fault you only speak one language you could always learn

bear: i know i’m just annoying

chan: %)

chan: anyway tell me more

chan: about your interests

bear: well i love chungha, DAY6, monsta x, and twice

bear: the only not korean artist i listen to (other than taylor and p!atd) is lizzo

bear: she’s a rapper and singer who makes some real bangers

chan: i’ve heard of her-i’ll definitely look into her music

chan: and of course i’ve heard of twice-where would our nation be without what is love and DTNA? but i don’t stan

chan: however, that could change

bear: excellent

chan: i was gonna make a reference but then i realized you wouldn’t get it because it’s an american show

bear: i know more american media than you’re giving me credit for

bear: i know steven universe and doctor who and casper the friendly ghost and disney channel

chan: doctor who is british

bear: shut up

chan: what are you reading currently?

bear: a book called harmless person to you-it’s a collection of short stories about women, including a lesbian love story

chan: we love that

chan: wait is this book korean?

bear: yup

chan: gay korean media???? other than holland’s music, it’s unheard of 

bear: not anymore thanks to choi eunyoung

chan: we stan

bear: indeed

bear: okay i’m tired i think i’m gonna head to bed

chan: me too i don’t wanna oversleep and be late...again

bear: sleep well mi milagro

chan: you too mi amor

 

Tuesday 10:11 AM

bear: it’s raining and i don’t like it

chan: but singing in the rain is one of my favorite movies of all time

bear: that’s okay you’re allowed to like that movie but i don’t like rain

chan: why not 

bear: it’s gray and cold and just makes everything gloomy

bear: there’s a reason why it’s raining every time there’s a funeral scene in a movie/TV show

chan: but in singing in the rain gene kelly finds joy and feels alive again in the rain

bear: i just googled this movie and it came out in 1952 so gene kelly was probably racist are we really trusting his opinion

chan: not every white person in that time period was racist 

bear: i googled was gene kelly racist and google said yes

chan: :p

chan: you ever think about how asian representation in western media was just racist/stereotyping/nonexistent cause all asian actors were hired for was karate movies until crazy rich asians and to all the boys i loved before 

bear: this is lucy liu, daniel dae kim, and sandra oh erasure

chan: there have been occasional asian actors in stuff but it’s rare they get main roles 

bear: true

chan: but then there was crazy rich asians & to all the boys i loved before which were amazing

bear: they really were amazing

chan: i saw a trailer for this netflix movie with randall park and ali wong and it looks really good-i think it’s a rom com

bear: that sounds awesome

bear: i saw ali wong’s comedy special she’s awesome

chan: ikr

chan: and kpop is starting to get big in the west thanks to twice

bear: goddesses where would we be without them

chan: truly

chan: i’m just so proud of them like they are the biggest music group in the world they’re breaking records and achieving things they never even fathomed happening and they all deserve it so much

bear: i know!!! like they really out here

chan: and i’m just so happy for the upcoming generation of asian kids who get to see themselves in today’s media now that times are a changing

bear: same! 

bear: korean media obviously always features koreans, so i haven’t often felt underrepresented but then i watched love simon and sobbed because i didn’t realize how badly i needed it

chan: god what a MOOD

chan: i saw it in theaters twice and sobbed both times

bear: when his mom was like you get to exhale now simon…a saddening tonight

chan: felt that

bear: oof i’m cold

chan: but you’re a bear you have fur

bear: %

bear: my weather app said it would be really warm so i put on shorts like hello spring but the classrooms have hella strong AC for some reason

chan: deadass like what’s up with that

chan: they trying to get us to freeze

bear: i’m so close to the end of college they better not make me into a penguin before i can graduate

chan: make you into a penguin? like evolutionarily? or did you transform into one like an animagus?

bear: evolutionarily

bear: if i was an animagus i would definitely not be a penguin

bear: a penguin might be my patronus though 

chan: but if you’re an animagus your patronus is the animal you transform into

bear: what? no

chan: yeah james’s patronus was a stag and he turned into a stag

bear: does that mean lupin’s patronus was a wolf? cause if so i don’t like that

chan: idk i can’t remember but probably

bear: but lupin’s personality is the opposite of a wolf he doesn’t want to be a wolf that doesn’t fit his soul at all

chan: i know but jk be stereotyping

bear: sigh

bear: what’s your patronus

chan: a dolphin

chan: taylor was once asked in an interview what her spirit animal is and she said a dolphin cause they’re social and travel in groups

chan: they’re also loyal, smart, and playful

bear: that’s my baby 

chan: Attachment: 1 Image

bear: what are those characters from? i see memes with them a lot including the one you just sent but idk what they’re referencing

chan: powerpuff girls

chan: but anyway IM SOBBING

chan: that’s the cutest shit 

chan: i’m your BABY

bear: bold of you to assume i wasn’t referring to taylor 

chan: …

bear: she’s my baby thanks

chan: i strongly dislike you 

bear: mwahahaha

chan: but then again you’re cute

chan: ugh it’s hard to not like you

bear: sorry i’m so irresistible ;)

chan: %)

 

Tuesday 12:12 PM

bear: i went back to my room and changed into jeans and now i’m hot

bear: i can’t win

chan: you’re always hot

bear: i mean where’s the lie

chan: gasp hello there confident bear

bear: hi ;)

bear: i was gonna send one of these % but i knew you’d argue and you want me to be more confident so i changed my mind and decided to just agree

chan: i appreciate that thank you darling

bear: you’re welcome

chan: i’m so excited for you to get into the studio on friday and record your parts for lost child and who

bear: i’m really excited too!

bear: i’ve been listening to the versions of them you sent me and they’re just so good i’m honored to get to be on these tracks

chan: thank you! 

chan: they’ll be perfect once we get your vocals

chan: and then i’ll be done with the project!

bear: ahead of schedule too

bear: that’s sexy

chan: isn’t it?

chan: honestly i just naturally am constantly producing a bunch of tracks always so now it just came to recording versions of them where i wasn’t the only one singing/rapping

bear: though i’m sure they would have been just as perfect with you doing it solo

chan: i wanna do %) but i’m mostly flattered

bear: heehee

chan: how is J btw i just randomly thought of him

bear: that’s so sweet! i just texted him to ask how he’s doing and he told me to tell you thank you for asking and that he’s really good

bear: he asks how you are

chan: tell him i say thank you for asking and i’m pretty chill-a little bit stressed cause i’m late for class right now but otherwise okay

bear: he says mood

chan: god when the nine of us can all be friends the universe will be at its peak

bear: we’ll be THAT squad

bear: i’m sad that you & i will have graduated by the time I starts going here

chan: i know but we’ll visit them all so much that they’ll hate us 

bear: bold of you to assume that J and I don’t already hate me

bear: i texted the group chat i have with the two of them to ask if they hate me and they said yes

chan: brats

bear: lol honestly

bear: ugh i’m gonna have to leave the air conditioned professor’s lounge that i invaded really soon to go to my next class 

bear: and in case you forgot i’m wearing jeans so walking across campus will not be fun

chan: first of all, i’m sorry baby i’m sending strength

chan: second of all, there’s a professor’s lounge?

chan: third of all, how do you invade it?

bear: a magician never reveals his secrets *cape swish*

chan: the so it goes teas

chan: wait did taylor say magician or illusionist

chan: i remember now she said both 

chan: pls don’t revoke my swiftie card

chan: i figure that you’ve gone by now so have a nice class honey talk to you later

 

Tuesday 5:06 PM

bear: sugarplum

bear: i miss you

chan: 

chan: i’m sorry

chan: did you just call me sugarplum

bear: shut up

bear: i knew you were gonna make fun of me

chan: no it’s adorable! i wasn’t going to make fun i just never stop getting shook at how cute you are

bear: well...thanks

chan: i’m sorry sweetie i didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed 

bear: don’t worry i get flustered easily

chan: god you’re so cute

bear: well you’re cuter

chan: lol it’s not a competition 

bear: are you sure about that

chan: you wanna fight

bear: no pls don’t fight me i’m babie

bear: i just want you to know you’re the cutest one here

chan: you’re mistaken there my dear because you are in fact the most adorable person in this relationship

bear: you don’t even know what i look like i could be a one eyed hunchback for all you know

chan: i couldn’t care less what you look like, love. your personality and quips and compliments and reactions and beliefs are what has made me fall for you. besides, i don’t live by conventional beauty standards. you could be the ugliest person in society’s eyes, but you’d be a sight for sore eyes to me

bear: how can you think i’m the cutest when you say shit like THAT

bear: that was the cutest thing i’ve ever HEARD!!!

chan: heehee i am glad you liked it but i’m just speaking the truth

bear: i’m melting

chan: oh god thanos not again 

bear: the ppl who “died” in infinity war disintegrated, not melted

chan: i thought that as soon as i said it

chan: are you excited for endgame?

bear: SO excited 

bear: if the black panther crew & peter don’t come back then i’ll throw hands

bear: like let’s fucking go marvel don’t try me

chan: i felt that but i also really don’t want tony to die

bear: i know baby but i think if we’re being realistic this is the end of the road for rdj

chan: :(

chan: i know but like i don’t want it to be so

bear: i understand

chan: why can’t i get everything i want all the time

bear: cause the world does not revolve around you

chan: it doesn’t?!

chan: harrumph why not

bear: personally i think it should, as you’re MY sun, but i don’t think the billions of other ppl on the planet feel that way, as not everyone knows who you are

chan: AAHHH

chan: YOU’RE SO CUTE

bear: well just like a certain handsome someone, i’m just speaking the truth 

bear: ;)

chan: you’re gonna be the death of me

 

Wednesday 12:07 AM 

chan: so here’s the thing

bear: yes?

chan: S and Y are insisting on us all having quintuple dates once you’ve been unmasked

bear: good because i want to get to know all of your friends properly

bear: but quintuple? who am i forgetting? it would be us, M and S, Y and B, S2 and his bf and who else?

chan: J and his bf!

bear: ohh

bear: they actually broke up

chan: oh no

chan: is J okay?

bear: yeah he’s alright it was a very brief fling

bear: J could come with I, even though they’re not dating

chan: lit

bear: lit... 

bear: like fuego?

chan: according to google translate that means fire

bear: lol yes

bear: i know so much random spanish

bear: my old roommate obviously spoke it with his mom and i heard them on the phone but it was also how my roommate would revert back to his native language a lot and integrate certain spanish words into the conversation

chan: as another bilingual, i can confirm it be like that

chan: whenever Y and i are talking it’s a mess to understand if you don’t speak english & korean cause we switch languages multiple times per sentence 

chan: unless we’re having a s e r i o u s talk and we usually just stick to one

bear: when did Y first come to korea?

chan: last june but we didn’t meet until the start of this school year’s first semester 

chan: you wanna know some tea?

bear: you know i do

chan: Y’s parents didn’t know he was applying to schools in korea, they thought he’d stay in australia for school, but he was secretly plotting to go back to his roots

chan: but at the same time, he didn’t think he’d get into any of the korean schools he applied to so when he got in here it was like and i oop

chan: he was scared his parents would be mad but they weren’t-they were shook and hesitant to let him go because they didn’t want him to be so far but when he expressed to them how much he wanted to go they let him

chan: he was so excited to find another aussie when we met & so relieved to be living with an english speaker

bear: wow he’s had quite the journey

bear: i can’t imagine how hard it is to move to a foreign country you’ve never been to before where you don’t know anyone and can’t really speak the language

bear: i praise him on his resilience and strength

bear: he’s a tough kid

bear: god the fact that we call him Y makes me forget that he’s felix...my first kiss...that guy i made out with and almost fucked that one time…who’s best friends and roommates with my boyfriend…idek the world’s just so small

chan: it’s moments like this that i think of the fate/destiny stuff and i wonder if i believe in it after all

chan: what are the odds that you hook up with the best friend/roommate of your boyfriend before you meet him (your bf i mean)

chan: maybe that had to happen for us to find each other

bear: pls elaborate

chan: ...no because i don’t have enough evidence yet but i’ll get back to you on that i promise

bear: %) ok i’m holding you to that

chan: i’m counting on it 

chan: what’s your sign btw you told me before but i forgot and i’m too lazy to look up the signs for april

bear: aries & you’re a libra

bear: i remembered because i’m a good boyfriend

chan: hey i’m a good boyfriend!!! i just can’t remember things cause i don’t sleep!!! 

bear: which you should do stupid

chan: i try okay like i’ve been getting in bed earlier instead of being at the studio late but insomnia exists

bear: sigh

bear: i wish i had a magic cure for insomnia

chan: me too

bear: but for now us staying up on screens isn’t gonna help us fall asleep

chan: you’re right

chan: we should get some rest

bear: goodnight mi vida

chan: what’s this?

bear: my life

bear: my old roommate used to call his gf back home that a lot

chan: forget about him that’s our thing now

chan: i love it

chan: i gotta step up my game and find more spanish pet names

bear: idk if you can beat me though i’m an honorary latino (according to my old roommate)

(author’s note: i’m latinx-dominican-so just letting it be known woojin’s an honorary latino i’ve just decided also jisung too jisung latino anyway back to our tale)

chan: i had a puerto rican friend back home i’m gonna reach out to them and ask for their counsel and i guarantee that i will defeat you

bear: we’ll see about that bang

bear: we’ll see

bear: now go to sleep!!!

chan: i am!! gonna try!! you better try also!!

bear: i will!! goodnight!! talk to you in the morning!!

chan: it is the morning!!

bear: shut up christopher!!!

 

Wednesday 8:31 AM

chan: i miss my mom’s chocolate chip pancakes

bear: i’ve never had pancakes like that but they sound good

bear: i miss my dad’s cooking

chan: your dad’s?

bear: yeah my mom can’t cook to save her life-my dad owns the kitchen 

chan: how non-traditional of them

bear: i know it’s great

bear: my family are cool

chan: what were they like when you came out?

chan: you’ve told me a little bit but i wanna know more-if you’re comfortable with that

bear: yeah that’s fine 

bear: i think they were mostly confused? like they still loved & accepted me & wanted me to be happy like i told you but it didn’t make sense to them that i liked more than one gender

bear: they were like if you were gay then we would understand but...all???

bear: i was like just know there’s a ⅓ chance i’ll end up with a woman (cause i could also end up with a man or enby pal) 

bear: and they were like okay

bear: i’m lucky they were so chill

bear: what about yours

chan: they were totally fine

chan: i was scared cause i had no idea how they felt about queer stuff

chan: but they kind of just looked at each other (my parents) and nodded and said “cool”

bear: we’re really fortunate

chan: i know

chan: all my other friends had negative reactions when they came out-most of them are working on it you know, like their families are trying, but B’s family hasn’t spoken to him since they kicked him out

bear: god that’s awful

bear: i’m glad he has you guys

chan: yeah

chan: found family ya know

bear: exactly

bear: it’s weird but i’m lowkey excited for when i get together with my family for my birthday

bear: cause i’ll have an excuse to come out to everyone now that i’m dating you

chan: do you want me to come with?

bear: would you please that would be amazing

bear: i was going to ask but then i was like chill bear it’s only been a week don’t be asking him to meet the family so soon

chan: lol that’s okay if you want me to be there i’ll be there

bear: you’re the best boyfriend ever

chan: i’m the only boyfriend you’ve ever had but thank you

bear: i have to go to class :(

chan: go be scholarly 

bear: i’m pouting 

bear: but okay

chan: talk later cutie

bear: hasta luego mi vida

 

Wednesday 11:19 AM

chan: you know you never answered my questions about the professor’s lounge

chan: since when is that a thing

bear: lol since always

bear: it’s by professor kim’s room

chan: %

chan: which professor kim

bear: i forgot there were multiple professor kims i’m only taking 1 this year 

bear: the one that teaches trigonometry

chan: you’re taking a math class this year?

bear: i procrastinated doing it before so yeah 

chan: i got it out of the way freshman year

bear: that’s what i should have done but here we are

bear: J’s secretly a math geek so he helps me with the hw

chan: where would you be without him

bear: honestly

chan: when are you gonna let me read one of your stories

bear: our topic shifts during conversation are just so abrupt

chan: don’t avoid the question

bear: ugggghhhhh

bear: you’re gonna disagree but you can read them when they’re not embarrassingly bad

chan: i’m sure they’re not

bear: i knew it

chan: you know me well

bear: pfftt

chan: pleeeeaaaaassseeee

bear: say please in spanish 

chan: por favor

bear: yeah that was too easy uh

bear: say it in irish

chan: lmfao you mean gaelic?

chan: le do thoil

bear: god what’s a really obscure language

bear: quecha

chan: what is that

bear: indigenous people in peru spoke it before the spanish conquered them and now the language is dying out

bear: bet you won’t be able to crack that one

chan: you’ve foiled me for now

chan: but i will find a way past your games

chan: and i will become victorious

bear: remember that show on nickelodeon?

bear: i did babysitting in high school and one of the kids i watched loved it

bear: the lead actress on it remains one of my celebrity crushes to this day

chan: what your other celebrity crushes? 

bear: i just thought about it and realized the others are all idols

chan: then i’m on the list? ;)

bear: you’re not an idol

chan: yet

bear: so you do still want to do it?

chan: no i don’t think so i was just saying that for the flirts/bants

bear: bants?

chan: short for banter

bear: so i see

chan: it’s a british thing

bear: british people are so weird

bear: and australia’s like the texas of britain so australians are also weird

bear: you’re weird

bear: weirdo

chan: this is racism

bear: %

chan: okay nationalism

bear: that’s something entirely different

bear: that’s some nazi shit

chan: oops

chan: not that then

chan: the point is i’m being oppressed for my nationality

chan: can i get an f in the chat

bear: no

bear: :p

chan: can you at least tell me what the story you’re writing right now is about

bear: fine

bear: it’s gonna sound really lame but there are 9 main characters based on us and our friends

bear: and we’re revolting against our oppressive society 

bear: that’s all you get to know for now

chan: OMG WAIT THATS CUTE

chan: are book chan and bear together?

bear: yes but i didn’t have any of the other real life couples be together because too much romance can distract from the plot 

chan: but you chose our relationship to be the one in the story because ours is most important heehee

bear: duh

bear: of course the relationship i’m currently in is the one that’s most important to me 

bear: want something to legit gay panic over? in my story we’re married

chan: AKAHSHWLLAKEHEJWJD

bear: we have been for decades-we eloped back in the day and have been fighting corruption/trying to take down the government when we radicalize the others and recruit them to join the revolution 

chan: SO WE’RE LIKE THE BADASS ROMEO AND JULIET GRANDPARENTS EXCEPT WE GET A HAPPY ENDING

bear: lol we’re not that old but yes

chan: i’ve said this before but you’re gonna be the death of me

bear: oh so you don’t like it?

chan: shut up

bear: you know you love it baby

chan: yeah

chan: i do 

bear: ;)

 

Wednesday 6:02 PM

bear: i want to talk to you but i can’t think of a good conversation starter and i didn’t want to be boring and say hi so instead here’s some honesty

chan: it is appreciated

chan: i want ice cream cake

chan: it’s been so long since i had it

bear: i’ve never had it

chan: did you even have a childhood

bear: i did but i suppose it was empty 

chan: lol what’s your favorite dessert

bear: yaksik

chan: oh i had some the other night! it’s amazing

bear: i know

chan: my mom makes awesome yaksik

bear: neither of my parents bake rip so whenever i have baked goods they’re always store bought

chan: but then they’re not as good because they’re not made with love 

bear: how do you make something with love?

chan: you bake lovingly

bear: how do you do that

chan: you know when you look at someone lovingly? you look at whatever you’re baking with that expression 

bear: so you just eye fuck your cookie dough

chan: BEAR

chan: SUCH VULGARITY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD

bear: %)

bear: as if you’re so innocent

bear: you just want to paint me as a bad boy because you think it’s hot

chan: and what about it?

chan: wait don’t answer that what do you want for your bday

chan: and you can’t say you don’t want anything

bear: fine

bear: a dildo

chan: okay

chan: what color

bear: SHUT UP OH MY GOD I HATE YOU

bear: I THOUGHT THAT WOULD MAKE YOU GAY PANIC

chan: no bear

chan: i have grown

chan: evolved

chan: such comments cannot get to me anymore

bear: so you’re not hard at the thought of me with a dildo

chan: we’re going back to my original question now

bear: haHA i win

chan: must you make everything a competition, bear?

bear: uh yeah don’t you think that’s hot

chan: ….

chan: maybe

chan: N E WAYS what do you want for your bday

bear: fountain pens and a leather journal with one of those straps around it that keeps it closed

chan: that was easier than i thought

bear: i realized you weren’t gonna let it go so i thought i might as well tell you

chan: my annoying stubbornness has paid off 

bear: i prefer the word persistence, my dear

bear: you’re spunky and determined and it’s adorable

chan: hee thank you 

bear: HA you didn’t try to argue and say i was more adorable so i win YOU are the most adorable deal with it

chan: okay. whatever makes you happy, baby

bear: how are you….

bear: like that

chan: like what? 

bear: perfect 

chan: nobody’s perfect

chan: i’m stupid & lazy & the opposite of punctual & i procrastinate everything

chan: and although it is impossible to see them, i’m sure you have flaws too

bear: are you kidding? i have so many

bear: i’m careless, cowardly, insecure

bear: we’re both messes

chan: we’re each other’s messes

bear: i’m a mess but i’m the mess that you wanted

chan: i love it when you talk swift to me

bear: ;)

 

Thursday 1:43 AM

chan: you ever wish you were a prince

bear: no leading a kingdom sounds like a lot of pressure 

chan: no not the kind that’ll lead a kingdom just a prince that’s there for show like the british royal family-the prime minister does all the political stuff and the royal family is there cause tradition

bear: so like have i ever wanted to be a prince because the aesthetic of being royal is fancy and cool

chan: yeah

bear: in that case, the answer is no

chan: :(

bear: lol just kidding you know i love masquerade balls & the clothes would be cool

bear: me, but in an extravagant velvet gown and pearl encrusted lace mask

chan: beautiful

bear: i would be beautiful, wouldn’t i

chan: you’re already beautiful so definitely 

bear: what about you why do you wanna be a prince

chan: because then i get to help people

chan: running for prime minister or president would be so stressful cause i gotta do all this stuff just to get elected but in a monarchy you’re born into it and you can use your power to help others

bear: that’s pure and you’re, as usual, the sweetest boy 

bear: but you don’t have to be a politician to help ppl

bear: you can inspire and encourage ppl as an idol/music teacher

chan: yeah but who’s to say whoever i inspired couldn’t find that inspiration somewhere else 

bear: who’s to say a different politician couldn’t do exactly what you want to do with that power? i don’t know. what i do know is that no one has your mind, and no one will be able to write/teach music exactly the way you do

chan: look who’s got brain cells

bear: :p

bear: i give you brilliant advice and this is how i’m repaid 

chan: lol sorry

chan: but you’re right 

chan: thank you

bear: that was a lackluster thank you

chan: thank you so so so so much my angel darling sweetie honey baby <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

bear: 13 hearts

bear: taylor would be proud

chan: oh i didn’t even do that on purpose 

chan: the swiftie jumped out

bear: her spirit overtook you

chan: i hope taylor swift possesses me at some point in my life

chan: i feel like she would improve my life if she had control of my body for like a day

bear: she’d fool everyone into thinking you can cook

chan: she can cook?

bear: yah

chan: i knew she could bake but not cook

bear: tiffany haddish did an interview where she was asked about taylor and she said taylor made the chicken and greens when they had dinner together

bear: fake fan

chan: you have the right to revoke my swiftie card for the next fifteen minutes

chan: THIRTEEN

chan: i meant to write thirteen idk what’s wrong with me 

bear: you’ve really lost your touch 

chan: sigh maybe if i rest i’ll regain it

bear: is that your way of saying you’re going to bed

chan: yes wasn’t it a smooth segway

bear: no

bear: but sleep well mi vida

chan: buenas noches mi principe

bear: okay you’ve got your touch back 

chan: ;)

 

Thursday 9:23 AM

bear: writing is hard

chan: oh baby what’s wrong

bear: i struggle with consistency-like i try not to plan my stories out because then for some reason i end up not writing them but when i don’t outline i get ideas along the way that conflict with things i’ve already written

chan: you could always go back and edit

bear: but that’s a lot of work

bear: also i change my mind a lot and am never sure which idea is the best

bear: i’ll figure it out just distract me for now

bear: what are you doing

chan: well my dorm building is on lockdown (some minor thing, idk exactly what but it’s no big deal) so instead of being in class i’m just sitting in the hallway

bear: why aren’t you in your room

chan: M and Y need all the space they can get to practice choreography since they can’t go to the studio this period like they planned so they pushed me and my bed out

chan: now i’m sitting on my bed in the hallway

bear: for some reason that sounds really fun

bear: idk why a bed not being in a bedroom makes being on it more exciting but it does

chan: i understand-i got weirdly hyper and floppy at first

bear: giraffe

bear: what is your patronus i don’t remember 

chan: i don’t think we ever got around to talking about my patronus that one time we talked about patronuses/fursonas

bear: then what’s your patronus/fursona

chan: my emoji is the wolf one but i relate to a kangaroo

bear: that’s what i thought you’d say you dumb fucking aussie

chan: im being oppressed for my nationality again

bear: flirt with me betterer and i won’t bully you

chan: excuse me i’m great at flirting with you

chan: good enough that you decided to be my boyfriend

bear: that could always change

chan: WAIT NO i’m sorry i’ll get better tell me how you want me to flirt with you properly

bear: whoa calm down baby i was just kidding

bear: you really think i’d leave you just like that?

chan: it’s not that i think you’re not loyal-you’re a total hufflepuff-i just worry that i’m easy to leave

bear: are you kidding? you’re the opposite. God forbid i had to dump you for the greater good or whatever and had to leave because i don’t think i’d be able to do it

bear: i want to stay for a long time

chan: SO I SAID STAY STAY STAY

bear: I’VE BEEN LOVING YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME TIME TIME

bear: what are your thoughts on that song since it’s sort of controversial in the fandom

chan: it’s cute i want to like it cause taylor’s happy songs are valid but sonically i cant help but find it annoying

bear: i love everything about it more than life itself so i’m afraid this is a dealbreaker

chan: top 10 saddest anime betrayals 

bear: don’t worry mi flor

bear: i’m not gonna leave that easily

chan: good

chan: ahh i just remembered you’re going into the studio tmw!!! i’m so excited

bear: i know me too!!!

bear: B and i have been chatting up a storm and i gotta say i really like him

bear: this friend has been Bear Approved ✅

chan: i’m so glad you said that because B told me he approved of you too

bear: i’m glad we’re on the same page

bear: my job is so much harder than yours tho i have to win over more ppl cause you have more friends i only have 2

bear: wait i just remembered i already know Y and S2 and i just won over B so i just gotta get M and S to like me

chan: minsung is what we call them

chan: their ship name

bear: do they stand a chance against us for cutest couple in the group?

chan: definitely not

chan: they may cuddle a bunch but our banter is unbeatable 

bear: and me writing fanfic about all of us where we’re married

chan: SKSKSKSKSKS fanfic

chan: you’re a fan

bear: yeah i’m actually a saesang from your future where you’re an idol and i’ve been deceiving you this whole time so you’ll fall in love with me

chan: now that’s a story

bear: gasp and the saesang ends up genuinely loving you not just you as the idol but like wanting to be your friend and realizing that their actions are creepy and disrespectful and travel back to their time and approach their saesang community and are like we should change and leads an anti-saesang revolution

chan: brilliant

bear: why am i lowkey tempted to write that

chan: cause it’s an awesome idea

bear: now i’m highkey tempted

chan: go write!!! we’ll talk later

bear: ok ok i’m off

bear: but before i go…

chan: yeah?

bear: thank you for inspiring me

chan: i’m blushing

chan: get out of here you rascal 

 

Thursday 1:03 PM

chan: i just wanna graduate alreadyyyyyy

bear: i feel you i really do

chan: i’m not sure what i’m doing once i’m out of here but i know i’m sick of being in school

bear: that is the college experience in a sentence

chan: literally

chan: when did you decide to become an idol?

bear: some point last year

bear: my old roommate was obsessed with GOT7 and he was like you should be in a group like them and i was like huh maybe i should

chan: this is sort of a weird question, but did you ever ask your roommate why he decided to do study abroad in seoul, or all places?

chan: it seems like a kind of random place to go to for someone from south america

bear: his birth father was korean-he died when my roommate was pretty young and he wanted to try and connect with that part of him

bear: is that why you decided to go to college in seoul? to connect with your parents home?

chan: kind of, but i also knew i wanted to be a kpop idol and i wanted to live here for a while to get used to being in korea

chan: also to force myself to practice korean cause i was scared to have full conversations in it with my parents as i got older because i’d get mad at myself when i wasn’t perfect at it

bear: i want to become fluent in english

bear: would you teach me?

chan: of course mi mundo

chan: (my world)

bear: lol i know

chan: just wanted to make sure you knew my intentions in case google translate was wrong and you had no idea what i was saying

bear: don’t worry cariño you’re fine 

chan: would you teach me spanish?

bear: i’m not fluent but i can teach you what i know

chan: you know plenty i’d be happy if i knew as much spanish as you do 

bear: ok then i’ll teach you what i know

bear: what do you already know?

chan: hola, me llamo chris, como estas, bien y tú, mucho gusto, adiós, gracias, de nada, hasta luego, all the random things you’ve said-like fuego and guapo and tonta and the pet names 

bear: hmm what’s something you want to learn how to say

chan: beautiful

bear: there’s a few words for that

bear: bonita, which is also like pretty/cute, linda, which is also like cute, and hermosa

bear: ppl usually use bonita, but i really like hermosa 

chan: ooh okay what about marvelous

bear: maravilloso

bear: i should also mention these words can end in an a or o depending on whether the context is masculine or feminine 

chan: what if the context isn’t gendered

bear: then it’s masculine cause men are the norm cause the patriarchy 

bear: masculine ends with o, feminine with a 

bear: and “the” can be el or la depending-el is masculine and you put el in front of something if the word ends with o

chan: and la in front if it ends with a?

bear: yup

bear: also should put a disclaimer that there are lots of spanish speaking countries and words aren’t always the same-the only example of this i can think of right now is when my old roommate told me he has a peruvian friend who knows butt to be poto but my roommate knew it to be nalga

bear: i’ve also heard that spain spanish is super different from the rest of the world’s spanish

bear: each place has its dialects and slang 

bear: i had an internet friend from spain who always called a pen a pluma or bolígrafo and i would tell my roommate i learned that from my internet friend and he’d be like well there’s also lapicero and my internet friend was like wheremst when i told them that so i can’t promise that the spanish i teach you will be universal 

chan: that’s okay professor bear 

bear: profesor oso thank you very much

chan: remember when you didn’t know that bear was oso

bear: shut up i told you i wasn’t fluent 

chan: jajajajajaja

 

“Hyung.”

Woojin looked up from his phone to see Hyunjin standing directly in front of him, arms crossed over his chest.

“When did Seungmin leave?”

“Almost fifteen minutes ago.”

“Huh.” Woojin fell back onto his bed and lay on his side, starting to compose another text to Chan. 

Hyunjin walked over to where Woojin’s head now was and crouched down so he’d be at eye level.

“You need to get off your phone, hyung.”

“Pfft. Says you.”

Woojin turned so he was on his back, but Hyunjin snatched his phone out of the older’s hands.

“Hey!” Woojin sat up and tried to reach for his phone, but Hyunjin effortlessly switched it between his hands and effectively kept it out of Woojin’s reach. 

“When did you get so fast, Hyunjinnie? You seem really nimble all of a sudden.” 

“Don’t try to distract me by changing the subject. I’m starting to forget what you look like because your face is always buried in that screen. You need to pay attention to the world around you once in a while. Smell the trees or whatever.”

“Come on Jinnie, it’s not that big a deal. I’m on my phone the same amount I’m always on it.”

“Are you sure, cause to me it seems like your screen time has doubled since you started talking to Chan hyung.”

“It really hasn’t. I promise I’m fine and nothing’s changed. Can I have my phone back now?”

“Oh, nothing’s changed?”

“Yeah, nothing.”

“If that’s the case, then you wouldn’t mind if I kept this for a few hours?”

“What! Why?”

“The Woojin hyung I knew before Chan was in the picture could go days without this thing. If nothing’s changed, then you’re still that same Woojin and you can do that again. Right?”

“Days?!” Woojin’s eyes looked like they were popping out of his head comically.

“There was that time you ignored him most of the weekend, so if you could do it then you can do it now-“

“But that was before we were-“

“Boyfriends?”

“Exactly! Wouldn’t you hate it if you couldn’t talk to Seungmin for days?”

“But you see, this is different. Because I don’t need my phone to talk to Seungmin.”

Woojin had opened his mouth, but he then closed it, knowing it probably made him look like a fish.

“Wait a minute. This...this isn’t really about me being on my phone too much, is it?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes playfully. “What gave it away?”

“I already told you, I’m gonna tell him soon-“

“How soon? When, exactly?”

“B-before my birthday.”

“That’s 12 days away. That gives you less than two weeks, hyung.”

Woojin shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I know. So?”

“So I think if I just give you your phone back now and we go back to how we were, you’re going to procrastinate deciding how and when exactly to tell Chan hyung, and your birthday’s gonna roll around and you’re gonna freak and not know what to do and the longer you keep us this charade the less likely it’s gonna be that Chan hyung sticks around.”

Woojin leaned back like Hyunjin had physically struck him.

“Jinnie...you think I’m not worth sticking around for?”

Hyunjin sighed. “I never said that. Of course you’re worth sticking around for, hyung. I just think Chan hyung’s gonna get tired of not knowing anything about the person he’s dating.”

“He knows stuff about me-“

“Yeah, like your name?”

Woojin drooped. 

“Stop putting it off and tell him.” Hyunjin threw Woojin’s phone back at him and walked away. 

“Since when are you this mean, Jinnie?” Woojin joked, trying to cover up his emotions.

“You needed some tough love.”

Woojin looked at his phone thoughtfully. He sighed and played with his fingers. Why was he still scared of letting Chan know who he was? 

The idea that Chan would be disappointed was just stupid now. Chan liked him, a lot, and they had hung out in real life and it had been fine. But had those times only gone well because Woojin felt like he’d gained confidence from us anonymity? 

But Woojin just knew that wasn’t the reason anyway. And it wasn’t that he was scared because he didn’t know how to do normal relationships. 

It was that he was scared of messing it up.  
But the relationship wasn’t going to be successful if it stayed the way it was right now. Woojin had to get past his fear eventually.

“Tomorrow,” Woojin said suddenly.

Hyunjin looked up from where he was sitting on his bed. “What?”

“I’m going to tell him tomorrow. I’m supposed to go into the studio and record vocals for his project. Once I’m done I’m going to go to his room and tell him it’s me.”

Hyunjin smiled. “Good. I’m proud of you, hyung.”

Woojin smiled back. “Thanks.”

 

Thursday 1:20 PM

bear: hey

chan: hi there where’d ya go

bear: doesn’t matter but listen

bear: you know i’m going into the studio tomorrow to record my vocals right?

chan: duh how could i forget

bear: i’m not going to talk to you until then

chan: :( why

bear: just trust me

bear: it’ll make sense in due time 

chan: hmm okay

chan: idk how you expect my clingy ass to survive but sure 

bear: cool

bear: we’ll talk tmw ;)

chan: wait don’t go yet

chan: just in case i die in a rocket accident or go into a coma from fighting evil human sized iguanas or something 

chan: i gotta tell you a bunch of cutesy feelings shit 

bear: %) okay go ahead

chan: my cheeks have started to hurt way more often since we started talking, because i smile so much when i’m talking to you. you make me laugh and think and things just click with you in a way they haven’t ever clicked with anyone. we talk so easily about so many things and it’s just so much fun. I have so much fun with you, bear. i’m so glad we found each other on that chatroom. I’m so glad i’m with you. (i would put in 97 hearts but that’s a lot of work)

bear: well fuck

bear: that was so goddamn sweet i don’t know what to do with myself 

bear: i know i’m a writer but i can’t seem to articulate my words well right now so just wait until tmw, you’ll get a good speech then, i promise

chan: heehee okay baby

chan: talk to you tomorrow <3

bear: ttyl

bear: and thank you

bear: for being such an amazing boyfriend

bear: i’m so glad you’re my first 

chan: uwu of course 

chan: hopefully i’ll be your last ;)

chan: wait woops that sounded kind of threatening i meant it in a we’re gonna get married way

bear: lol don’t worry mi cielo i know

chan: throwing it back to the original?

bear: i thought she deserved some love

chan: she’s still cute

bear: not as cute as you ;)

chan: i’m blushing

bear: okay bye for real now

chan: okay ttyl baby bye <3 <3 <3 <3 (pretend there’s 93 more hearts)

 

Friday 11:33 AM

changbinnie: hey bear and i are gonna wrap up soon so you should start making your way over to hear what we got

changbinnie: it’s awesome like this guy’s voice is amazing

kangaroo hyung: heehee i know

kangaroo hyung: ok i’m leaving now 

changbinnie: see you soon

 

“I must see it again, I will see it again,” Woojin sang and then stepped away from the mic, Felix’s deep rap immediately following.

“And that’s it! You’re all done.” 

Woojin did a little hop of excitement. His stomach swimming with nerves now that he had to go over to Chan’s, but he was also still high off the exhilaration and adrenaline from recording. He felt armed and prepared. He could do this. 

“Your voice is incredible, by the way. This is gonna be perfect for Chan’s project.”

Woojin beamed. “Thank you!”

“Thank you for all your help, Woojin.” 

“Woojin?”

Woojin and Changbin looked up to see Chan standing in the door frame. Woojin felt paralyzed with terror. 

Woojin saw Changbin bounce up and anxiously babble something to Chan, but Woojin couldn’t hear what it was as he was still in the recording booth. He quickly took off his headphones and raced out of the booth over to Chan, who was staring at Woojin with a broken and shocked expression that made Woojin ache inside. Changbin stepped away as soon as Woojin came over. 

“You’re Bear,” Chan said slowly.

Woojin gulped. “Yeah.”

Chan blinked and shook his head. “No.”

Woojin felt like his whole body was being tightly squeezed. “No?”

“No. You can’t be Bear.”

Woojin felt his heart sink. “I’m really sorry if I’m not what you expected-“

“Bear wouldn’t lie to me.” 

Woojin paused. “What?”

“Bear wouldn’t lie to me. And if you’re Bear, that means he lied to me.” Chan looked up to meet Woojin’s eyes.

“Did you lie to me?”

Woojin felt a stinging serpent grow inside of him and thrash around, leaving him with unimaginable pain. Guilt.

Woojin didn’t even respond, but Chan knew from the way his eyes glossed over with tears. 

Chan turned away from Woojin, running his hands through his hair.

“Wow,” Chan breathed out. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

Woojin whimpered. “No-“

“Don’t try to tell me I wasn’t stupid, because I was. I was stupid enough to trust you. Stupid enough to hope this could be the one. Stupid enough to-“

Chan’s voice broke. 

“Stupid enough to believe in you.”

Woojin felt like the serpent had just shattered his heart.

“I-I asked if you were Woojin and you said no. A couple-a couple weeks ago I saw you in real life and you didn’t tell me that it was you. And then-then you didn’t text me for the rest of the weekend!” Chan turned to Woojin, his own eyes glassy, and the serpent thrashed around some more.

“Did your phone even break, or were you avoiding me? 

Woojin looked away, not able to answer, and Chan swore.

“I was worried sick about you! I thought something might have happened!”

“I just-I just felt too guilty-“

“I sure hope so!” Chan roared. Woojin started to cry harder.

“I’m-I’m so sorry-“

“Were you just messing with me? Just manipulating me for fun? Was any of it real?” Chan locked eyes intensely with Woojin at the end, some of the anger evaporating in his face for Woojin to see the sadness and desperation, which made the serpent grow twice in size.

“Of-of course not. I c-care about you so much, and I never meant to hurt you, I just never thought-“

“Never thought that maybe it wasn’t okay to catfish me? That lying multiple times wouldn’t hurt me? Never thought that you might be betraying my trust? Fucking hell Woojin, you’re my boyfriend! Why was it so hard to tell me who you are?” 

Woojin forced himself to make eye contact with Chan.

“I was just so scared,” Woojin whispered. “I was so scared of us doing this for real because I was afraid I’d mess it up.”

Chan looked at Woojin like he was searching for something-like he was trying to find the Bear in him. But he didn’t seem to find it, since he turned away and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Well turns out you messed it up before we were even doing it for real. We’re done. Don’t bother trying to text me.” 

Chan stormed out of the studio, Changbin on his heels. 

Woojin allowed himself to break down completely-a mess of self hatred, guilt, and regret. He sobbed for what felt like hours, missing his next class and eventually calling Hyunjin to come comfort him, even though he felt like he didn’t deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i put angst as a tag for this? here it is kids! here's the angst! mwahahaha. i haven't started ch 6 yet so idk when it'll be up but hopefully before school starts again (pray for me)  
> speaking up, good luck to anyone starting school soon or anyone who has just started! i hope you have a wonderful school year <3  
> anyway thanks for reading & i hope you're doing well!


	6. The Sixth Week and Beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah we've reached the end! i started writing this back in march and i've had so much fun with it. i'm really proud of what i've written-i lowkey hate ch 4 but otherwise i think it's some of the best stuff i've ever written. i'm so grateful to everyone who commented something. i remember getting my first comments and being so shook, and that was only at two things. thank you so so much for leaving a comment if you did; it means the world. i kind of can't believe that i wrote all this and we've finally reached the end. i don't even know what to do with myself tbh (btw, this chapter picks up right where we left off at the end of ch 5, but from chan's perspective, in case there's any confusion.)  
> i present to you the finale of love, bear. i hope you enjoy it. thanks so much for reading.

Chan stormed into his room, tears blurring his vision. He slammed the door behind him, wanting to break something. His heart was slamming against his ribcage and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He turned to the mirror on Felix’s side of the room and punched it, being met with instant regret when it shattered and his knuckles flamed with pain. Shards of glass fell to the floor, and Chan fell with them. His anger had washed away and was being replaced with disappointment and the heartbreak of betrayal. He sobbed and (stupidly) ended up putting hand on the floor to brace himself, but of course cut himself on the glass. He blinked away his tears to see a gash in his palm leaking blood, which dripped down his wrist and arm. 

Chan just sobbed harder, not being able to pull himself up and deal with the mess. He felt broken. After Hoseok broke up with him, he resented love. He was angry and hurt and wanted nothing to do with it. But then a few months later, he ended up flirting with an adorable boy he found on the college chatroom.

Chan hadn’t been prepared to fall for Bear. He hadn’t realized how hard and how fast he had developed feelings for him. How quickly he’d come to trust him. It was only at the point of no return that Chan was able to see how much he felt for this boy whose name he didn’t even know. 

Chan just felt so stupid. After Hoseok he didn’t want to feel that way for anyone ever again, yet here he was. Feeling that way again. It was just so stupid. Love and relationships were just this dumb cycle of Chan being naive and trusting and getting fucked over. With his three exes besides Hoseok, two ended up cheating on him and one just treated Chan as his heteroflexible experiment. And Chan was just so tired of being disrespected, used, and messed with. He really felt like things with Bear were going to be different, but turns out he was too good to be true.

Stupid. 

Eventually Felix found Chan on the floor of their room, bloody and sobbing and surrounded by glass, and comforted him and bandaged his hand. Chan curled up under his blankets while Felix got gloves, a broom, and dustpan from the janitor and started to clean up the broken mirror.

“Sorry about that,” Chan croaked, his voice hoarse from all the crying. He spoke in English, too tired to use his second language. 

Felix waved a hand dismissively. “It’s just a mirror. It doesn’t matter. I can always get a new one. What does matter is how you’re doing.”

Chan hiccuped. “I’m fine.”

Felix turned to the older and gave him a look of disbelief.

“Cause people who are fine punch mirrors and cry until they can’t breathe. Right.”

Chan groaned. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Too bad, I’m doing it anyway. I’m your friend and you can’t stop me. Now what happened?”

Chan looked down at his blankets. “Bear,” he said sadly. “Bear is Woojin.”

Felix turned to look at Chan. “He told you?”

“No, I found out. I went to the studio and he was there recording vocals for my project because I asked him to and I found out.”

“Okay-I don’t see what’s wrong with Bear being Woojin.”

“I-I asked him before if he was Woojin and he said no. And a couple weeks ago, I saw him in real life, and he pretended he was on vocal rest so I wouldn’t hear his voice and know it was him. And then he didn’t text me for the rest of the weekend and I freaked out-it turns out he lied and his phone hadn’t broke, he just felt guilty for lying and avoided me.”

Felix winced. “I’m so sorry hyung. I didn’t realize he would do stuff like that.” 

“It’s not your fault. You don’t really know him. And you all warned me when we first started talking that I couldn’t trust someone I met on the internet.” Chan’s voice got quieter and sadder as he spoke.

“Did you break up with him?”

Chan nodded, staring at his blankets again. “I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

Felix finished sweeping up the glass and emptied the dustpan into the trash. He walked over to Chan’s bed and sat on it, cuddling up to Chan and holding his non wounded hand. 

“You deserve to be with someone you trust. You deserve someone who will be honest to you. I’m so sorry you haven’t found that guy yet, but I know he’s out there.”

Chan had been rubbing the back of Felix’s hand with his thumb, but he paused to squeeze the younger’s hand.

“Thanks Lixie.”

“I love you, hyung.”

Chan kissed Felix’s head. “Love you too, Lix. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

 

FOUR DAYS LATER (which felt like the longest four days of Chan’s life) 

Chan sighed for what was probably the five hundredth time that hour. He was bored. And depressed. He had been stumbling around campus since breaking up with Bear-Woojin, Chan corrected himself bitterly-on Friday, just laying in bed doing nothing when he wasn’t in class. Which was what he was currently doing. 

Chan decided this was an okay way to live. He didn’t enjoy it, but it was fine. He could stay like this. It was better than going through the pain of trying to pick himself up and heal. Trying to heal took a lot of work, and he was too emotionally exhausted from life to do that work, so instead he became a vegetable. He knew deep down this way wasn’t really healthy, and trying to heal was the best decision to make in the long run, but Chan was too tired to pay attention to the things he knew deep down.

“Okay hyung. That’s enough.” Felix entered his and Chan’s room dramatically, Jisung, Changbin, Minho and Seungmin following behind him.

“Enough of what?” Chan asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“Enough sitting in your own sadness. It’s good to be in your feelings sometimes, but we can’t let you stay like this. You have to go outside and start taking care of yourself again.”

“This isn’t going to make me less sad.”

“You can’t know that unless you try. Hyung, Sungie-get the blankets.”

Before Chan could process what was happening, Minho and Jisung had taken away his blankets. Chan whined and sat up. He was about to ask for his blankets back when Seungmin pounced onto Chan’s bed, pinning Chan to the wall. 

“Seungmin, wh-what are you doing? What about Hyunjin?”

Seungmin couldn’t keep himself from giggling. “I’m not trying to top you, I just need to keep you where you are so Felix can inspect you.” The aforementioned blonde climbed up onto the bed on his knees and forced Chan’s mouth open. Chan made unintelligible sounds of protest that went ignored.

“Definitely hasn’t flossed or brushed his teeth in a while. Seems like it’s been days since he showered. When was the last time you ate?”

Felix pulled his hand away so Chan could talk, but Chan couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten.

“That’s a problem. Hyung!” Felix snapped his fingers and Minho walked over, holding takeout fried kimchi rice. Chan wanted to say no, but his stomach grumbled. It did feel so empty, and the kimchi looked so good.

Minho thrust it into Chan’s hands. “Eat. Then floss, brush your teeth, bathe, put on clean clothes and meet us at the cafe across the street. Seungmin and I will be here standing guard in case you try to disobey. Don’t try to get back into bed. We won’t let you. Felix and Sungie, y’all can get to the cafe.”

“Thank you hyung.” Felix and Jisung marched out, but not before Jisung could kiss Minho on the cheek as a goodbye. Minho smiled in the way he always did around Jisung and Jisung grinned smugly as he left. Once they were gone, Chan turned to Minho.

“Come on Minho, cut me some slack. Can’t I have some more time to grieve?”

“You can grieve,” Seungmin interjected. 

“But in healthy ways. We can’t let you just sit in this depression, hyung. It’s only gonna make things worse. You have to take care of yourself.” Minho continued. 

Chan sighed and looked down at the kimchi.

“Get eating Bang, we don’t have all day.” Minho quipped.

Chan sighed and gave in, lifting the chopsticks to his mouth and satisfying his hunger. He wolfed it down in less than ten minutes, finally feeling the lack of nourishment he’d been running on for who knows how long. As soon as he was done eating, Seungmin took the container and shoved him into the bathroom. When Chan came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, Minho playfully waggled his eyebrows at the older’s abs. Chan felt a ghost of a smile pass over his lips. Minho handed Chan some clothes. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” Chan said as he came out of the bathroom in some not too tight but not too loose jeans and a red sweater.

“Hold on, Felix told me we should replace the bandage on your hand. We should clean the cut too. Come with me.” Seungmin grabbed Chan’s non wounded hand and dragged him through the hallway and to a closet. Seungmin got the first aid kit and the two went back to Chan’s room and sat on the edge of Chan’s bathtub.

Seungmin ripped away Chan’s bandages quickly despite the older’s protesting and held a towel wet with hydrogen peroxide on the wound. Chan winced but endured it. After about ten seconds of Seungmin just holding the towel to Chan’s hand, Chan decided to utter the question that had been bouncing around inside of him like a ping pong ball. 

“Hey Minnie?”

Seungmin hummed.

“Have...have you seen Woojin? He’s best friends with Hyunjin, right? So he’s at your guys’s room a lot, right?”

Seungmin pressed his lips together, hesitant, but nodded.

“So you’ve seen him.”

Seungmin hesitated again but nodded.

“How...how is he?”

Seungmin sighed and removed the towel. “You want an honest answer?”

Chan hesitated, biting his lip, but gave in to his curiosity. He was mad at Woojin, but he couldn’t help that he still cared about him. 

“He’s a complete wreck. Every time I see him he’s either crying or looking really depressed. I’m not sure if he’s been like you, but I definitely know he’s really messed up about it. He feels horrible for what he did to you.” 

Sparks of worry and guilt started to swirl around in Chan’s chest. But then he remembered that he had a right to be mad at Woojin-he hurt Chan. He messed up. He should be feeling bad. He deserved it. That thought made Chan wince with guilt, but he forced himself to swallow it, because he was right. Woojin deserved to feel bad. He messed up. He deserved this. Chan told himself that over and over, trying to ignore how concerned he actually was. 

“Good,” Chan replied finally, hoping his face hadn’t given away any fondness he still had for Woojin. 

Seungmin finished re-bandaging Chan’s hand and closed the first aid kit. 

“Enough Woojin talk. Let’s get to the cafe.”

So Minho, Seungmin and Chan made their way outside. Chan hadn’t spent much time outside aside from going to class that day and yesterday, so he felt a bit overwhelmed at first, but adjusted soon enough.

Chan couldn’t help but wonder where Changbin was. It seemed Felix had rallied the troops to help Chan get back on his feet, but if that was true, then where was his own boyfriend? And arguably the member of the group Chan was closest with? Well, not really arguably. Chan had known the others for seven months and Changbin for six years. Chan loved them all with his entire heart, but he couldn’t deny that Changbin knew him the best. They’d been through more together. 

Chan was about to ask Seungmin and Minho where Changbin was, but his own question was answered as they walked into the cafe and saw Jisung, Felix and Changbin all sitting at a table together to the right of the entrance.

Changbin bounced up upon seeing Chan. “Good job, team. I can imagine how awful he was before, so you got him to clean up good. Now come on, Chan. We’re going to the gym.”

“What? The gym? Why?”

“You usually work out every morning you can, but you haven’t been the past few days. And you love working out-it makes you happy. And science has scientifically proven that exercise helps with depression. It releases endorphins and shit. So let’s go. Lixie?”

Changbin tapped his cheek on the last word, and Felix stood up and kissed his boyfriend in the spot Changbin had gestured to. Felix beamed and Changbin blushed. 

“Alright, let’s get out of here.” Changbin ushered Chan out the door. Chan was confused about why the others were needed if just him and Changbin were going to the gym, but he decided to just wait and see. 

As soon as they arrived, Chan realized his kind of tight jeans weren’t ideal for what they were about to do. He pointed this out. 

“You have some spare clothes in your locker.”

“But I didn’t bring my key-“

Changbin shoved his hand in Chan’s back pocket and pulled out Chan’s key. 

“How-“

“I asked Minho hyung to put it there. Now let’s go.”

They did bench presses, lifted barbells, and ran on the treadmill. It was during sit ups that Chan realized something.

“Wait a minute,” he panted.

Changbin sat up. “Yeah?”

“Bear-“ Chan sighed. “Woojin has your number. Has he tried to talk to you?”

Changbin bit his lip in thought but eventually nodded. 

“What...what did he say?”

Changbin seemed unsure. “I don’t know if this is going to help you move on-“

“Please, Bin. For closure?”

Changbin sighed. 

“Okay, if it’ll help you gain closure. He messaged me on Friday night saying that he wanted you to know he’s really sorry. He said was selfish and stupid and should have thought more about how what he was doing was gonna affect you. He said he never meant to hurt you, and he’s really sorry for doing so. I told him if he was trying to get me to help him fix things between you two, it wasn’t gonna happen. But he said he wasn’t looking for forgiveness. He said he knew that he didn’t deserve it. He just wanted you to know that he didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Chan felt like he had melted. His heart had physically hurt-like it was being squeezed to the point of changing states of matter-when Chan said that Woojin knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness. Suddenly he wanted to cry and run to Woojin and have the older hold him in his arms and kiss him and tell him it was all going to be okay.

“Hyung? You okay?”

Chan blinked and shook his head. “Yeah, sorry. I’m okay. What’s next?”

As much as he ached inside, as much as every bone in his body screamed to find Woojin, he held himself back. There was no guarantee Woojin wouldn’t hurt him like that again. That he wouldn’t end up manipulating him without realizing he was doing it. Chan couldn’t let himself walk back in and get used again. He was too fragile; he couldn’t take another heartbreak. He couldn’t risk that. 

But Changbin knew Chan better than he knew himself, which meant he could tell when the older was lying. He knew Chan wasn’t okay, and he wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easy.

“Come on. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Chan sighed in frustration and ran and hand over his sweaty hair. 

“I-I want to forgive him, because I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He wasn’t trying to manipulate me or play with my feelings. He just got carried away with the lying. But can I trust him if everything we have is built on lies?”

“You know I’m always on your side, and I want what’s best for you no matter what, so I don’t want you to be with someone who will hurt you. But I don’t think everything you two have is built on lies. And I think he can learn and try harder in the future, and I think it’s definitely possible for you to trust him again. I think it’s a bit unrealistic to say he’ll never hurt you again, cause sometimes that’s unavoidable. Relationships are really hard and complex. You’re not going to always do the right thing. You’ll have regrets and make mistakes. But as long as you communicate and are ultimately happy together, I think you can be okay.” 

Chan sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m too much of a depressed mess for this.” 

“Wanna just do push ups for now?”

“Yeah. That I can handle.” 

Changbin and Chan finished their workout and changed. Chan asked where they were going next, and Changbin was silent. Chan whined but Changbin didn’t say a word when they were waiting at the bus stop, sitting on the bus, or walking after getting off.

“Binnie, just tell me-“

“We’re here! You can shut up now.”

Chan looked up and saw a lit up neon green sign that said Karaoke!

“A karaoke bar?”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“You think a karaoke bar is gonna fix-“

“We’re not trying to fix you, hyung. We can’t “fix” you,” Changbin said, doing air quotes on the word fix. 

“We want you to go back to being a person instead of a zombie, and we want you to have fun and do your favorite things with your favorite people. We want to remind you of what you love. And how there’s a whole world of wonderful things other than Woojin. I get that you’re devastated over him, and it’s totally valid, but you gotta keep living.”

Changbin crossed his arms over his chest and Chan exhaled. He looked back up at the neon sign.

“The others are already in there, right?”

“Yup.”

“Then I guess we can’t disappoint them.”

The rest of the night was Seungmin belting DAY6, Felix dancing to a lot of Twice, Jisung leaving everyone astounded (as always) with how good his vocals are, and Chan smiling and laughing for the first time in what felt like months. 

Looking around at his beautiful friends, Chan still felt the ache of sadness and disappointment, but he also felt very grateful, lucky, and loved.

 

ONE WEEK LATER 

Life, of course, went on. After that night at karaoke Chan started forcing himself to be a person. He went back to maintaining basic hygiene and eating regularly, as well as not just laying in bed when he didn’t have class. He hung out with his friends and helped them with final projects. He wrote a bunch of songs-or at least started writing a lot of songs. He had handfuls of half finished song ideas, his emotions too messy to turn any of those ideas into proper songs. But that was okay. As time passed and Chan’s heart healed, he would be able to turn his pain into art. He just needed some perspective. Which he would gain with time. 

When he wasn’t writing, Chan tried his best to not think about Woojin. He found things were the best for him when he didn’t let the Bear stuff take up space in his mind. He just felt tired and sad when he thought about it for too long. But today was Woojin’s birthday-April 8th. It was kind of hard to not think of him on that day, so he enlisted his friends to distract him. Luckily they were ridiculous and hilarious, so that wasn’t too difficult. 

Chan and Felix were in hysterics over Jisung’s failed anniversary surprise for Minho, which had left the two of them head to toe in whipped cream (don’t ask) when there was a knock at the door.

“I got it,” Chan said. Chan crawled out from under the covers of Felix’s bed and walked over to the door. Upon opening it, his smile wavered.

“Oh. Hey, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin smiled somewhat apologetically and shyly waved at Felix, who had activated protective friend mode.

“What do you want,” Felix called from his bed.

“Chill Lix, I got this,” Chan said to Felix in English. He turned back to Hyunjin.

“What do you want?” Chan asked with a playful glint in his eye. Hyunjin allowed himself a small chuckle. 

“I can see why he likes you.” 

The ache in Chan, which he had somewhat successfully repressed for the last week, came back full force. 

“Can I come in?” Chan almost didn’t notice Hyunjin speaking, but he caught on and nodded. 

Hyunjin walked in and Chan closed the door behind him.

“I’m J, by the way.”

“Yeah, I figured. That’s something else he lied about-he said you had a boyfriend, which you do, but when our friend groups overlapped because you’re dating Seungmin, he made up something about you breaking up with your boyfriend.” Hyunjin winced at Chan’s words, and Chan shook his head and sucked his teeth. 

“I was in a good mood and now I’m bitter. This better be worth it.” 

“Have you ever seen that American Netflix movie To All the Boys I Loved Before?”

Chan furrowed his eyebrows. “Yes.”

“You know how she writes letters to the boys she likes to get over them?”

“Yes, I know the plot, now get to the point Hwang.”

Hyunjin pulled a pastel blue envelope out of his messenger bag and handed it to Chan.

“I suggested that he write a letter to you to move on, and he doesn’t know I took it. He didn’t intend for you to see it, but I think you deserve to.”

“I...I don’t understand. If he likes me as much as he said he did, why isn’t he trying to win me back?”

“He thinks he doesn’t deserve you.”

Chan pressed his lips together and the ache burned stronger.

“I didn’t read the letter, so I don’t know what’s in there, but if it’s enough for you to forgive him, meet us at that karaoke bar on 12th street tonight. He won’t know you’re coming.” Hyunjin turned and marched to the door.

Chan looked up. “Wait!”

Hyunjin turned back. “Yes?”

“Does...does he miss me?”

Hyunjin’s expression softened. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as he nodded, his eyes sad from witnessing his best friend’s heartbreak and longing firsthand. The ache in Chan burned painfully strong, but because of the way time slowed, it was even more excruciating as Chan waited for the pain to fully seep in. 

Once Hyunjin was gone, Chan sat down on his bed and started to read the letter.

 

Dear Chan,

I’m not sure why I’m doing this. I feel like I said all I have to say to you in that text to Changbin, if he even told you about that. But Jinnie thinks it might help me stop feeling so awful, so I might as well try. In case Changbin didn’t tell you what I texted him, I want you to know I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I feel so awful that I did. I shouldn’t have lied so much. I shouldn’t have done so much-like seriously, the absolute most-

(Chan snickered at this part.) 

to keep my identity secret. It was ridiculous and stupid. It would have been easier if I just told you when you asked if I was Woojin. 

I just have so many regrets about all of this. But I don’t have a time machine, so I guess I’ll just feel horribly guilty and hate myself for months. 

I do wonder if I’m being too hard on myself. Taylor did say to step into the daylight and let it go. But I hurt you, and all I wanted was to protect you from feeling hurt and being one of the parts of life that heals you when you do feel hurt. But instead I ruined everything. God I’m so mad at myself. 

Ugh I just read all of this again and it’s so guilt tripping and “please pity me and forgive me so I don’t feel so bad.” I’m glad you’ll never read this.

(Chan chuckled again.)

I just hope you know how much I cared about you. Who am I kidding, how much I care about you. I still like you so much. I like how you tease me when I flirt bad and how you panic when I flirt well. I like your weird, random imagination. I like your passion and creativity, and all your incredible songs. I like how kind and helpful and warm you are. I like how you made me feel safe right away, which is something not many have been able to do. You’re just a really amazing person, Chan. You deserve someone who can make you happy, not someone who will accidentally hurt you with his dumbassery. Thanks for teaching me that word, by the way.

(Chan snickered again, despite the fact he had started to tear up.)

I think I feel a lot like Back to December right now, specifically a line from the bridge- if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right.  
I don’t deserve you, but if I had another chance, I’d be the guy you deserve. I hope. I’m glad I won’t get another chance, because I don’t want to risk hurting you again because I’m careless and lie too easily.

Anyway, I wish you all the best. Whether you become an idol or a music teacher or something entirely different, I know you’ll be amazing at it. This world is so lucky to have you. 

Love,  
Bear. 

 

Chan looked up from the letter, fully crying now. He shook his head. Woojin had messed up. He shouldn’t have lied. He shouldn’t have done so much to ensure that Chan didn’t know who he was, because that just made everything more difficult. But Woojin could see now where he had gone wrong, and he wanted to do better. He was willing to try harder and treat Chan the way he deserved. 

Chan had once told Hyunjin that love was dangerous. Looking at his own track record, that was definitely true. Every romantic experience he’d ever had left him hurt. But to gain anything, you have to take a risk, right? Getting hurt was inevitable. If he could eventually be happy from taking this risk, he should try, right?

He felt kind of like an idiot, because in a way this letter was all just words, and no proof that he could trust Woojin wouldn’t hurt him again. But Chan decided he wanted to be stupid and hopeful. He wanted to be naïve and believe. He wanted to try, even if it was a risk that could leave him burned again. Because that’s life, isn’t it? Being stupid and reckless. 

(If you’re a Gryffindor. Chan wasn’t a Gryffindor-he’d decided he was a Slytherin, despite the fact the test said he was Ravenclaw-but in this particularly moment, he lived like a Gryffindor.) 

Felix approached Chan’s bed with caution. 

“Are you okay?”

“I need your help.”

“Whatever you need, I’m here.”

“I need a good karaoke outfit.”

 

SIX HOURS LATER

“Come on guys, I’m tired and it’s a school night, I really think we should head back-“

“No! We just have to wait a little longer.” Hyunjin craned his neck over the crowd, like he was trying to spot someone. Woojin squinted.

“What are you two up to?”

Hyunjin whirled back around and made eye contact with Jeongin, who widened his eyes at Hyunjin’s expression. They turned back to Woojin with suspicious smiles on their faces.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. Why would we be up to something?”

Woojin pressed his lips together. 

“You’re bad liars, but fine.”

“You know what hyung, I think we should get some water. We’ve been drinking a lot-“

“What are you talking about Innie, I’ve had like four sips of this-“

“We’re just going to go get water, okay? We’ll be right back hyung, we’re just going to get some water.” Hyunjin and Jeongin stood up and scurried away.

They were definitely up to something, Woojin just couldn’t tell what. He shrugged. He’d probably find out soon enough. Woojin decided to look around, scanning the bar with his eyes for people he could make out with it until it numbed the pain of losing Chan. (Woojin knew this wasn’t a healthy way of coping, but he didn’t have the energy to use healthy ways of coping.)

Woojin’s eyes had landed on a woman in a suit and purple lipstick when he heard a familiar laugh behind him. Seungmin’s laugh. Had Hyunjin invited Seungmin here? And if he had, why hadn’t he just told Woojin? Woojin turned around in his seat to see Seungmin, but when he saw him, he couldn’t focus on him, because he was standing next to Chan.

Woojin’s face went red and he quickly turned back in his chair. Like magic, Hyunjin and Jeongin returned at that moment.

“Guys. Chan’s here.”

Hyunjin and Jeongin didn’t seem surprised. In fact, it seemed like they were fighting off knowing smiles. 

“Yeah. He is.” Hyunjin and Jeongin were fully grinning now.

“Is this what y’all are up to? Cause I don’t want us to get back together, we shouldn’t, I don’t deserve-“

“I gave him your letter and told him that if after reading it he forgave you he should come here,” Hyunjin blurted out.

Woojin paled. “W-what?”

“If he’s here, it’s because he wants to get back together. You don’t get to decide whether or not you deserve him. He’s here, so he must think you do. So go talk to him!”

Woojin slowly turned back around to look at Chan. An idea formed in his mind and although he was terrified to do it, he knew it would be perfect.

“Why talk...when I can sing?”

 

“Baby! Come here,” Hyunjin said to Seungmin as he opened his arms and Seungmin sunk into his embrace. 

“Hey Hyunjin. Where’s Woojin?” Chan asked, knowing he was being rude to the person sitting to Hyunjin’s left, but he had to find his guy. Or my Bear, Chan thought to himself.

Hyunjin smiled excitedly. “You’ll see soon enough.”

Chan had opened his mouth and was about to ask what that meant when the lights went out-with the exception of two spotlights. And one of those spotlights ended up on Chan.  
And the other spotlight went to the little stage across the room, where Woojin was standing.  
Woojin lifted a microphone to his mouth.

“Na na na na...na na na na...yeah…”

If Chan’s smile could get any bigger, it would.

“You know the words once upon a time...make you listen...there’s a reason,” Woojin continued.

Chan made his way through the crowd over to Woojin as he continued to sing, and when he got to the stage, Woojin handed him a microphone. Chan took it with one hand and held Woojin’s hand in the other. As soon as he did, Chan feared he might be outing Woojin, but Woojin just smiled and squeezed Chan’s hand.

“When I hear my favorite song, I know we belong,” the two sang together. 

The crowd started to clap along. Chan twirled Woojin, who was startled but giggled, which Chan found adorable. Chan let go of the older’s hand to dance around him. It might have been the best performance of Chan’s life, he was so full of energy and joy. At one point Woojin grabbed Chan’s hand and twirled him into his chest, which startled Chan, but he laughed. While still in the older’s arms, Chan turned his head to look at Woojin, who was staring at him like he was the only person in the world.

They ended the performance back to back, fingers intertwined.

“You are the music in me.”

The two turned around to look at each other, both beaming. They were still onstage, and the crowd was still watching, but they only saw each other.

“Hi. I’m Woojin.”

Chan grinned.

“Hey there. I’m Chan.”

Woojin stepped closer, wrapping an arm around Chan’s neck.

“Wait!”

Woojin stopped, looking taken aback and a bit guilty.

“I’m-I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“What if I’m an axe murderer?”

Woojin’s eyes were full of confusion, but then their first conversation came flooding back to him and he smiled in relief.

“I think I’ll take that chance, because if you are, you’re one pretty sexy axe murderer.”

The two leaned in, dropping their microphones, Woojin using the hand that wasn’t around Chan’s neck to cup his face, and Chan’s arms went under Woojin’s, his hands on the older’s back. They pressed their lips together and Chan faintly heard the crowd clapping and cheering, (which would later mystify him, because they were two men kissing, but why complain) but he was mostly focusing on remembering how Woojin smelled and tasted. (Cinnamon and citrus, respectively.) Woojin giggled into the kiss, which made Chan smile and kiss him harder. Woojin surprisingly was the extra one and picked Chan up, and Chan pulled away, laughing. 

Woojin put him down and they ran off the stage. Chan went to go kiss him again, but Woojin shook his head, interlacing their fingers. 

“I’m really sorry,” Woojin whispered. “I should have been more careful. You...you gave me your heart and I crushed it.”

“Oh please, you underestimate my resilience baby. And don’t give yourself so much credit, you merely scratched my heart.”

Woojin tried to keep himself from giggling, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Really though. I’m sorry.” Woojin avoided Chan’s eyes, but when they flicked up, Chan could see the guilt in them.

“Hey. Look at me.” Chan held Woojin’s chin and tilted his face up so they were locking eyes, and Woojin smiled and blushed.

“It’s okay. I forgive you.” Chan kissed Woojin’s cheek and hugged him.

“Are you sure?”

“Are you really trying to argue that I shouldn’t forgive you?” Chan pulled away from the embrace to look at Woojin.

“Like, do you want to date me or not?” Chan asked teasingly. 

“I do want to date you, so badly, I just don’t want to risk hurting you again-”

“You won’t. I can already tell you’ve learned from your mistakes. It’ll be better this time.”

Chan held Woojin’s cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth across it. Woojin placed his hand on Chan’s and slowly lifted it to his mouth to kiss his fingers. Chan blushed and Woojin giggled.

“Panicked gay,” Woojin whispered against Chan’s knuckles. 

Chan laughed and rolled his eyes. “Come on,” he said as he tugged on Woojin’s hand and they walked towards the table where their friends resided.

Woojin was properly introduced to Minho and Jisung, as all of Chan’s friends had come along. Chan met Jeongin and immediately adopted him. The rest of Chan’s friend group happily welcomed their new maknae and Hyunjin was overjoyed at his boyfriend’s friend group finally integrating with his friend group. The older ones schemed to get Jeongin a significant other as he was the only single one, but he just blushed and insisted he was happy on his own. They deemed Changbin and Jisung as the group’s verbal punching bags, as they were just so easy to make fun of. They drank and cheered and danced and kissed and had what Chan would later remember as one of the best nights of his life.

 

THE NEXT MORNING

Chan had been stroking Woojin’s hair when Woojin woke up, becoming even more adorable than he thought possible. His hair was messy, curly and soft, and the sound of his breathing along with the tweets of the birds outside and the warm golden glow of the sunrise put Chan in a pure state of calm.

Woojin blinked and yawned, stretching his arms.

“You’re supposed to be a bear, but you look like a cat when you yawn.” Woojin chuckled.

“Good morning angel,” Woojin whispered as he fumbled around for Chan’s hand. Chan gave it to him and Woojin kissed his fingers, which made Chan feel like he’d been highlighted on inside.

“Were you just watching me sleep?” Woojin asked drowsily.

“If I was, would that be creepy or sweet?”

“Hmmm...I say sweet.” Woojin smiled and leaned in to kiss Chan, who happily reciprocated. Woojin giggled into the kiss.

“What is it?”

“I’m just...so happy.” Woojin looked up into Chan’s eyes and Chan couldn’t help but beam. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Chan murmured. Woojin blushed and looked away, shaking his head.

“Don’t you shake your head at me. It’s true. You’re beautiful.”

The blush on Woojin’s cheeks got stronger, if that was possible. 

“You make me so flustered. I hate it.”

Chan chuckled and Woojin smiled, falling back onto his pillow. 

“So...we’re boyfriends again?” Woojin asked, nervousness evident in his voice. 

Chan took Woojin’s hand again. 

“If you want to be.” Chan grinned devishily.

Woojin scoffed. “Of course I want to be. You know that.”

Chan giggled. “I know, but I was trying to be shy and modest. Just to make things even, since I made you flustered.”

“I think I made you flustered enough times last night to make us even at this point.”

Chan’s cheeks went bright red. 

“Shut up,” Chan mumbled as Woojin leaned in again and kissed him.

“There. Our first official kiss as boyfriends.”

Chan beamed. “Boyfriends.” 

 

FORTY FIVE DAYS LATER, MAY 16TH

“Congratulations to the 2018-2019 graduating class of Korea National University of Arts!” 

The crowd cheered and all the students bowed. Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin were the loudest despite being in the back row. Soomin (Woojin’s roommate, who Chan had formerly known as Z) rolled her eyes at them but clapped as well. Chan hadn’t expected him and Soomin to grow as close as they did, but they truly had bonded quite a bit over the past month. Soomin would probably never admit it, but she had had a lot of fun with all the boys, and she loved them. (Probably, Chan chuckled to himself.)

Once the applause started to die down, Chan turned around to look for Woojin, cursing the fact that the matching robes made everyone look the same.

“Congrats baby,” Woojin said from behind Chan, wrapping his arms around the younger’s middle. Chan smiled and leaned back into his boyfriend’s chest.

“Congrats to you too. We’re college graduates!” Chan turned his head to look at Woojin, their noses touching. Woojin smiled.

“That’s right, mi cielo. And you know what else we are?”

“What?”

“The cutest couple this campus has ever seen.” Chan’s grin intensified. 

“You’re 100% correct.”

“Before I forget, my mom called to ask what type of lactose free milk alternative you prefer: almond or goat?”

“Anything’s fine with me.”

“Can I tell her you said almond because I really don’t want goat milk and she said to ask you because we need a tiebreaker to decide which milk to get.”

Chan laughed. “Yes, you may lie to your mother using my name.”

“Thank you for your services.” Woojin kissed the side of Chan’s head and Chan snickered. 

“I’m so excited for this summer. We’ll get to share a bed every night, and my parents can really get to know you, and then when we visit Australia I’ll get to meet your family and see where you grew up-it’s going to be amazing.”

Chan beamed. “I’m super excited too.” He turned around in Woojin’s embrace and kissed him, fantasies of their future swirling around in his mind. When he pulled away, they nuzzled their noses together and Chan kissed Woojin’s nose.

“I hate all of you.” Chan turned around to see Jeongin frowning at him, the rest of their friends in tow. 

“All of you but Soomin noona have partners. I hate it. Along with all of you.”

“We’ve offered our matchmaking services Innie, but you’ve insisted you’re happy on your own,” Hyunjin reminded the maknae.

“I don’t actually want a partner, I just want an excuse to say I hate you guys.”

They all laughed with the exception of Jisung and Changbin, who went “yah!” and “hey!” and shoved him and pinched his cheek respectively.

“But seriously hyungs, I’m proud of you. I love you.”

Chan cooed and wrapped his arms around Jeongin. Woojin joined, and soon enough they had a group hug going (even with Soomin) that left Jeongin squished but feeling very loved. Chan couldn’t have asked for better people to surround him on the day of his college graduation.

 

2 MONTHS LATER, JULY 18TH

“You got this baby. Just click submit.”

Chan was rubbing his hand up and down Woojin’s arm and kissing his shoulder and neck, trying to be as comforting as possible. He knew how nervous his boyfriend was about applying to grad school-he had decided not long after graduation that he did want to become a writer, and because of that, he felt he should get a creative writing or english degree. So here they were, in Woojin’s old room in his parents house, one click away from deciding how Woojin was going to spend his next four years.

“There were moments when I felt like I wasn’t going to graduate when we were in school, but then I did…but what if I can’t graduate here? I was so relieved when I didn’t fail before, but what if I fail now?”

“Hey. Look at me.” Chan took Woojin’s face in his hands.

“If you did it before, you can absolutely do it again. You’re an incredible writer and the most dedicated student ever. And the smartest person I know. You got this.”

Woojin held Chan’s wrist, kissing his hand. “Thanks baby. I just...don’t know if I believe it.”

“I believe in you. So please, believe in yourself.”

Woojin turned back to the computer. He let go of Chan’s arm, and Chan pulled his hand away. Woojin closed his eyes.

“Click it with me?”

Chan slid his hand next to Woojin’s on the mouse.

“1...2...3.”

The pair clicked submit together, the page refreshed and said Woojin’s application was successfully submitted. Woojin opened his eyes and exhaled. Chan kissed Woojin’s cheek.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. You’re gonna be amazing.”

 

ONE MONTH LATER, AUGUST 16TH

“Got everything?”

Woojin zipped up his suitcase. “I think so.”

Chan collapsed onto his and Woojin’s bed. “Who knew packing would be so tiring?”

Woojin lay down next to Chan on the bed, on his stomach. “I feel like you should have known, since you’ve traveled more, but whatever.”

Chan stuck his tongue out at Woojin, who cackled. 

“I think we should hit the hay. We’ve got lots of hours of flying ahead of us. Probably. Siri, how long is the flight from Seoul to Sydney?”

Chan’s phone robotically answered back that it was two flights in a day, ten hours and thirty minutes total. “See. Lots of flying.”

Woojin giggled. “I agree that we should sleep, but before we do…” Woojin stood up. He took Chan’s hand and pulled him up off the bed. Woojin pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped at it. At first Chan was confused, and was about to ask Woojin what he was doing, but then the beginning notes of a song he’d heard countless times (despite it only being released that day) started playing, and Chan started beaming.

“We can leave the Christmas lights up til January…” Taylor Swift crooned from Woojin’s phone. Woojin grinned at his boyfriend and placed his phone down on their bed, offering his hand to Chan.

“May I have this dance?”

Chan took Woojin’s hand. “Yes.”

The two swayed together, Woojin twirling Chan during the chorus. 

“You’re my, my, my, my…..lover.” 

Chan put his head on Woojin’s chest, just basking in the warmth and safety he felt in his boyfriend’s-or his lover, he supposes-arms. Chan felt Woojin’s nose in his hair.

“You smell good. You smell like me.”

Chan giggled. “Maybe because we use the same shampoo.”

“Fine, but you know what you really smell like?”

Chan snickered. “What?”

“Home.”

Chan spluttered. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Woojin giggled. “I love how you still get flustered.”

“Don’t make fun of me, I’m easily soft and you’re suave.”

“Not making fun, dear. I just find it cute.”

Chan hummed happily and closed his eyes, going back to enjoying the serenity of the moment.

“Do you think this should be our song?” Woojin asked after a bit, pulling Chan out of his sleepy contentment.

“I’m totally not against it being our song, but I want to know why you want it to be our song.”

“She says ‘have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years,’ which I think is the perfect way to describe what we have. We’ve only known each other for five months, and have only really been together for four months. Yet it feels like I can’t imagine you not being in my life. You know?”

Chan lifted his head off Woojin’s chest and looked up at him, gazing deep into his eyes.

“What is it?” Woojin asked.

Chan pressed his lips together before replying. He felt like it was finally time to share a truth that had been beating inside of him for quite some time now, but he kept dismissing because it was too soon, and they were probably still in their honeymoon phase.

But with Woojin standing before him, looking more beautiful than ever, and continuing to leave Chan enchanted despite the fact that they had their fights and Chan had seen Woojin’s flaws up close and personal, and had witnessed Woojin in his most vulnerable, unflattering, least sexy moments possible, how could Chan possibly shy away from this truth anymore? 

“I love you.”

Woojin’s face seemed to be glowing with joy as he whispered back, “I love you too.”

Chan leaned in to kiss Woojin, and when he pulled away, they rubbed their noses together, sleepy smiles forming over their lips. The song ended and they made their way into bed, feeling perfectly content in each other’s arms.

 

FOUR MONTHS LATER-DECEMBER 17TH  
“Do I put on Taylor’s Christmas album?” Woojin called out to Chan in the kitchen. The two were spending the holiday on their own, Woojin’s parents off to stay with some extended family. Woojin had chosen to not come along as almost everyone-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins-had a negative response when he came out at the family gathering for his birthday. They had both been busy with finals lately (they were now both in grad school, Woojin for creative writing and Chan for adolescence education) so they hadn’t gotten around to decorating until now.

Chan entered the living room with a mug for each of them, (Woojin hot chocolate, Chan eggnog) looking especially adorable in his oversize knitted ugly sweater from his mom.

“Unfortunately we can’t listen to that one either without Scooter Braun-” Chan paused to roll his eyes and make an exaggerated vomiting noise-”getting money. Let’s settle for paper rings-the bridge always gave me Christmas vibes anyway.”

Woojin put on the song his lover requested and then turned to the box of ornaments next to him on the floor. He had done the hard job of untangling the lights and placing them on the tree, so now they could just have fun hanging the cute ceramic penguins in scarves and child Woojin’s hand painted wooden angels. Chan had sat down next to Woojin on his knees, already getting to work on hanging the ornaments containing family pictures. Woojin smiled at this, it reminding him of his Christmas present to Chan. 

Now that he thought about it, what better time would there be to give it? Sure he was six days early, but it went with what they were doing.

“I’ll be right back.” Woojin raced upstairs to his room, digging around in his closet (he had offered to share it with Chan when he moved in, but the younger respectfully declined, saying he didn’t care whether his shirts were wrinkled) to find the two small white boxes he had hidden there a couple weeks earlier. As soon as he obtained them Woojin ran back downstairs to where Chan sat hanging pinecones.

“Sorry they aren’t wrapped. I wasn’t planning to give these to you now, but it feels like the right time. Merry Christmas,” Woojin said as he handed the boxes to Chan.

“Babe, you’re early. And this isn’t fair, cause my present for you isn’t ready yet.”

“I’m not giving this to you just to receive something in return. I can wait for mine.” Chan threw Woojin a suspicious look, who just smiled into his mug as he drank some hot chocolate.  
Chan gasped once he realized once the gifts were-two silver ornaments with pictures inside. One with Woojin, Chan, and Woojin’s parents, and the other with Woojin, Chan, Chan’s parents, younger siblings, and dog Berry. He looked up and immediately giggled to see whipped cream on Woojin’s upper lip.

“I love them. Thank you, jagiya.” Chan leaned in for a kiss, and when they pulled apart, he had whipped cream on his own mouth. Chan giggled and Woojin did as well, realizing he must have had some on his face. He got up to go to the kitchen and get a napkin, Chan following him for one of his own.

“The eggnog tastes pretty good from what I could get on your lips. Think I should get some, or should one of us stay sober?”

Chan turned around after wiping his mouth to look at Woojin flirtily.

“How about this: you can taste it again by getting drunk off of kissing me,” Chan suggested as he placed his hands on Woojin’s hips, taking Woojin’s napkin as soon as he was done with it to toss it on the counter behind him. Woojin grinned and put his arms around Chan’s neck.

“I think I like that idea better.” They leaned in and Woojin knew that tree probably wouldn’t get done until tomorrow.

 

EIGHT MONTHS LATER-AUGUST 23RD, 2020

“Hyung!” Woojin turned around to see Hyunjin racing towards him, and opened his arms just in time for the younger to leap into them. Woojin hugged him tightly, as he hadn’t seen him since his birthday four months ago. Once Woojin pulled away from the embrace, he looked to his right to see Chan fiercely hugging Seungmin and the younger trying to push him away, but Chan not letting him go. Woojin giggled and Hyunjin went to hug Chan from behind.

“It’s good to see you, Chan hyung,” Hyunjin said as Chan let go of Seungmin and turned around in Hyunjin’s arms to hug him back. Woojin hugged Seungmin. Woojin and Chan looked toward the younger ones and then at their bags as if to say, give us a hand? Seungmin rolled his eyes and Hyunjin groaned, but they each took a suitcase. Chan laughed and they started chatting-about Seungmin and Hyunjin’s plans to get an apartment now that they were allowed to live off campus, about how Minho was killing it as his new job as a choreographer at JYP, how Jisung and Changbin’s songs were some of the most listened to on Soundcloud, how Soomin was a force to be reckoned as a CEO-everything. 

They arrived at the cafe across the street from campus that had become the younger one’s official hangout. Woojin and Seungmin got the coffee and snacks, knowing their significant other’s order without asking and sharing a smile.   
When they got back to the table where their boyfriends sat, they were in what seemed like an intense discussion about anime.

“And I was so heartbroken when-wait, Minnie hasn’t seen it yet, so I’ll talk to you about it later.”

Seungmin pouted at Hyunjin. “You watched it without me?”

“You don’t even know what show we’re talking about.”

“But are you denying that you watched one of our shows on your own?”

Hyunjin lowered his head. “No.”

Seungmin sighed. “You think it wouldn’t be hard to follow a simple relationship requirement, yet here we are.” 

“Tell me about it. I ask Chan to dry the dishes when he puts them away, yet it never happens!”

“Because what’s the point in drying them when they‘ll dry themselves anyway!”

Before Woojin could retaliate, Seungmin interjected. 

“I said basic relationship requirement, not basic roommate requirement. I didn’t come here to witness your domestic bickering.”

Chan and Woojin both rolled their eyes, but with smiles on their faces.

“But I take it that other than dish washing spats, living together is going well?” Hyunjin asked, a bit of worry in his voice. The older couple exchanged a look and understood immediately.

“You and Seungmin have already been roommates for two years. I promise you living together isn’t that different. Woojinnie and I lived together at his parent’s house before getting our apartment, and we’ve found that having a place to ourselves doesn’t make things harder or anything. You don’t have to worry.”

Seungmin turned to Hyunjin. “Are you worried?” 

“A little,” Hyunjin admitted as Seungmin took his hand. 

“What if we can’t handle it?”

“Like Chan hyung said, we’ve already been roommates, so it’s not going to be different.”

“Well some things are different. Like you get to have more sex,” Woojin said casually, which made Hyunjin and Seungmin’s cheeks go crimson. Chan’s were tinged pink.

“Hyung!” Hyunjin protested.

“I mean, why sugarcoat it? I know from personal experience that when you’re living on campus you can’t always fuck when you want to. And that’s definitely also true when you’re living in the same house as your parents. But in a place of your own, there’s no one else around to interrupt or make things awkward. Maybe neighbors, but that’s only if you’re loud. Chan and I used to be, but we’ve gotten better at not disturbing others. I recommend using the shower as much as possible. But don’t waste water.” 

Chan was fully blushing now-though not as red as Hyunjin and Seungmin, whose jaws had dropped at the eldest’s bluntness.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin started. “What changed you?”

Woojin snorted. “Him.” 

Now Chan was definitely crimson, not just of embarrassment, but also because he was flustered, because in a way, Woojin just said something kind of sweet.

“But anyway, it’s going to be fine, Jinnie. Of course it’ll be different, because having your own apartment is different from being roommates in your college dorm, but different doesn’t have to mean bad. You can find your relationship can really strengthen. So you don’t really have to worry.” 

Hyunjin nodded, his face returning to its normal color. Seungmin squeezed Hyunjin’s hand, causing Hyunjin to turn to him.

“If you’re ever worried about us, you can talk to me,” Seungmin said with wide eyes.

“I know. I just didn’t want you to think that I was scared we wouldn’t make it, because I believe we’ll make it. No-I know we’ll make it.”

Seungmin smiled and Hyunjin mirrored him, squeezing Seungmin’s hand this time. The pair turned back to their friends, Chan’s hand now on Woojin’s thigh.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean for this to turn into our couples counseling.”

Woojin waved a hand dismissively.

“No worries. Besides, you can repay us by helping decide which breed of dog to get.”

 

FOUR YEARS LATER-SEPTEMBER 2024

“I’m coming!” Woojin raced over to the door, where Sparks barked furiously, since someone was behind it, and it was a dog’s job to bark when someone was at the door. Cause it’s not like doorbells exist or anything. 

“Soomin! Hi, I wasn’t expecting you! I thought you were on a business trip to Osaka…” Woojin trailed off when Soomin brushed past him into the living room to flop on the couch. 

“Is...is everything okay?”

Soomin huffed and sat up. “Everything’s perfect. Awesome. Great. Wonderful. Amazing. Splendid.”

Woojin furrowed his eyebrows. “It doesn’t sound awesome, great, wonderful, amazing or splendid.”

“You see, you’d think it would be those things, but it’s not. Remember Jiwoo?”

Woojin nodded, recalling how the last time he had spoken to Soomin she had mentioned recently celebrating her two year anniversary with her girlfriend. 

“Well she wants to have kids. And so do I. But she wants biological kids. And not just like we get her a sperm donor, she wants me to…” Soomin trailed off and Woojin got the message.

“I thought you were going to get bottom surgery.”

“I was, but…” Soomin sighed and ran a hand over her hair. She seemed quite frazzled. 

“One night while we were-you know-she mentioned loving my-you know-and now I feel selfish for wanting to get rid of it.”

Woojin tilted his head. “Does she know you were going to get bottom surgery? Does she know your-you know-makes you dysphoric?”

Soomin shook her head. Woojin sighed and walked over to Soomin and sat next to her on the couch, putting an arm around her shoulders. She surprised him by putting her head on his shoulder. She wasn’t usually affectionate. In fact, she often resisted others attempts to be affectionate.

“I’m not trans, so I don’t really know what you’re going through. But I’ve always believed that the key to ALL relationships is open and honest communication. I think you should tell Jiwoo how you feel and explain you’re not comfortable with the way things are now. Tell her what you want to do in terms of kids, and what would make you feel most comfortable. Your needs and wants matter too. You don’t have to cater to what makes her happy. If she loves you, and is right for you, she’ll want you to be happy and comfortable.”

Soomin lifted her head off Woojin’s shoulder to look at him. “Thank you, oppa.”

Woojin’s jaw dropped. “You’ve never-“

“I know.”

“After all these years-“

“I know.”

“We kept asking you to-“

“I know. And before now, I resisted it cause it feels like an admission of weakness. But...it’s okay to need support from others sometimes. Right?”

Woojin smiles. “Right.”

Soomin sighed. “I’ll talk to her. And I know her-we can work something out.”

“As long as you’re happy.”

Soomin nodded. “I will be.”

Woojin went to hug her, but Soomin put her hand up.

“Hold on. I’m mad at you. I read your book-I Am Not-and I’m not in it. All the others are-Jisung, Changbin, Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho, Chan-by the way, where is Chan?”

Woojin smiled proudly. “Today’s his first day of being a middle school music teacher.”

“Seriously?”

Woojin nodded.

“So you’re a published author, he’s a teacher, you have a beautiful house and a dog-it’s so rude! How dare your life be this perfect. But going back to your book-all the characters are based off of people we went to school with. But where’s the character based off me?”

“She’s the star of the sequel.”

Soomin pondered this. “Star as in...main character?”

“She is a protagonist, yes.”

Soomin narrowed her eyes. “Tell me more and I’ll consider forgiving you.”

 

ONE YEAR LATER-NOVEMBER 2025

“When was the last time you showered?” Chan asked as Woojin came around the corner from the bathroom to their bed. 

“The morning of the wedding.”

“That was a week ago.”

“It sure was. When was the last time you showered?”

“...The morning of the wedding.”

The pair locked eyes and giggled before melting into each other, cuddling so tightly you couldn’t separate whose body was whose. They were in a hotel room in Buffalo, New York. Soomin and Jiwoo had gotten engaged, but because they of course couldn’t get married in South Korea, they decided to have their wedding in the states. Jiwoo loved New York City, but wedding venues in the city were too expensive, so they tied the knot upstate. Woojin and Chan hadn’t planned to stay for a week after their nuptials, but a massive snowstorm hit and flights were canceled. It was also Thanksgiving week, when Americans ate a lot and apparently commemorated having a good relationship with Native Americans when in reality they had committed genocide against them. 

Despite the holiday being based on a story that white people told themselves so they would think their ancestors were innocent and that this country wasn’t built on the bodies of people of color, Woojin and Chan decided to take advantage of it to have a lazy, cozy vacation. Because of all the snow they couldn’t really do any sightseeing, so they had been sleeping excessively, ordering room service and just watching a bunch of anime. It was nice to relax for once. Even though Woojin worked from home, he often found himself struggling to maintain a healthy sleep schedule as he pushed himself to meet deadlines, and Chan had learned that being a teacher was way more exhausting than he ever could have anticipated. He had intended to only take one vacation day for the wedding, as it was on a Saturday, but then the snow happened and now he had no choice. But in all honesty they never took vacations anyway, so why not make use of it now?

And when Chan imagined them going on vacations he pictured colorful tropical islands, seeing gorgeous old architecture, and super cool historical sites. But he realized this was just as wonderful. Lazing around, eating a lot and just being with Woojin was at the same level as doing all that other stuff. Chan realized he had just wanted a break to spend time with his partner more than he wanted to travel. (Though that would also be nice.)

“What is it?” Woojin asked. Chan realized he had been staring at the older and shook his head, a smile on his face.

“Don’t tell me something cheesy, like you realized how lucky you are to be with me, and how I get more and more beautiful every day, or some lame bullshit like that,” Woojin said before Chan could respond. The younger laughed.

“Actually, I was just amazed because I never realized before now that someone could be this ugly.” Chan smirked when Woojin’s jaw dropped. The older put his cracker with cheese down on the nightstand and reached behind him for a pillow. He bonked Chan in the face with it.

“Bitch,” Woojin exclaimed as Chan broke out into giggles. “Just cause I didn’t want you to get all Hallmark on me doesn’t mean you have to be rude.”

Chan grabbed his own pillow and hit Woojin’s abdomen. Woojin clutched it as if he had received a fatal injury. He retaliated and they had a full on pillow fight, it ending with Woojin falling on top of Chan, his head on the younger’s chest. Chan’s arm slid into place around Woojin and they fell back into a cozy silence. They smelled and looked awful, and Chan realized that was probably the most they had interacted over the past week. Yet Chan had been filled with just as much love for his boyfriend when they were doing nothing as right this moment, after they had banter and done something together. 

And although Chan felt it was something he should have known before, it was only at that moment that he realized that just being with Woojin added to the overflowing amount of love he already had for this incredible man.

THREE YEARS LATER-JUNE 2028

“I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

Minho grinned and leaned in to kiss a crying Jisung, their friends and family all around them clapping and cheering. Woojin closed the notebook where he had written down his speech and met Chan’s eyes in the crowd. Chan gave him a thumbs up. He knew how nervous Woojin had been when Minho and Jisung had asked Woojin to marry them, but Woojin had done a beautiful job. Woojin had originally been sad when he got the invitation, as he remembered Jisung once saying he and Minho were going to wait until it was legal in South Korea instead of getting married somewhere else. But it still wasn’t legal in South Korea, and Jisung and Minho got tired of waiting, so here they were in Taiwan. But now that it happened, Woojin saw no reason to be sad. Yeah it was a shame that Minho and Jisung had given up, resigning themselves to the fate that their country would never recognize their love, but what mattered was that they were together. And their love was real, no matter what the government of the 163 countries that didn’t allow same sex marriage thought.

The reception was a glorious celebration, Changbin delivering a breathtaking best man’s speech and Hyunjin somewhat stealing Minsung’s thunder by proposing to Seungmin (who said yes and called him an idiot in the process.) Woojin was just so grateful that he was here. He couldn’t believe that at the very end of his senior year of college he had found most of these incredible people and they had consistently stayed in each other’s lives for nine years. If you told twenty year old Woojin this was where he was going to be in less than a decade-a bestselling author with more than two friends and a long term partner-he wouldn’t have believed you.

“Hey handsome,” Chan called out to Woojin as he squeezed his fingers. Woojin turned to look at Chan. 

“You in there?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

Chan seemed a bit taken aback-he and Woojin didn’t say that as much to each other lately, as it was something they both just knew. (And there had been an ugly encounter with a homophobe some months ago after Chan had said I love you to his boyfriend a little louder than intended.) 

“I love you too. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. It really is. Actually, it’s perfect.”

They leaned in and kissed, and then spent the rest of the night dancing, drinking and laughing with their friends (and wolf whistling and teasing Jeongin intensely when he and a friend of Minho’s came out of a closet with mussed up hair, swollen lips and unbuttoned collars.)

 

ONE YEAR LATER-JUNE 28TH, 2029

bear4897: ladies and gentlemen will you please stand

cb97: WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND 

bear4897: lol good morning

cb97: hi

cb97: you in the kitchen?

bear4897: yeah and i already have your coffee

bear4897: come here

cb97: at first i was about to waffle on about how lucky i am to have you, but now i wonder whether the coffee is to lull me into a trap. is it your turn to clean the bathroom?

bear4897: lol no just come down

 

Chan kissed Woojin before the older could say anything. Woojin handed Chan his mug, a brilliant smile on his face. Chan smiled back.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Chan said as he walked over from the dining room table to the kitchen to get himself breakfast. 

“Yeah, I was reading the newspaper and there’s some good news for once.”

“Do tell, I’m tired of being terrified of climate change.”

“Well,” Woojin said, clearing his throat, trying to keep his excitement (and simultaneous tears) at bay.

“Another country legalized same sex marriage.”

“That’s great! Which one?”

“It’s another one in Asia, actually.”

“Good, I’ll have more proof to show my internet friends that my continent isn’t entirely homophobic.”

“It’s...pretty close to here.”

“Oh, you want me to guess now? Hmm...I’ll be seriously shook if it’s Japan. I know things have been turning around since they elected that one official, but-”

“Chan.”

“Yeah?”

Chan turned to look at Woojin, who was holding up the newspaper. It’s headline read: South Korea legalizes same-sex marriage. 

Chan dropped the plate he was holding. (Luckily it was plastic.) 

He ran over to take the newspaper and read it for himself. His eyes quickly scanned over the words, tears quickly dotting the page.

“I...I can’t believe it,” he whispered. When he lowered the paper, he saw Woojin on one knee. Chan dropped the paper as his hands flew to his mouth. His tears started to fall even more rapidly.

“Wait,” Chan breathed out.

“Bang Chan,” Woojin started, but paused when Chan started frantically waving his hands.

“Hold...hold on. You gotta give me a minute. I just processed a huge piece of life changing information-something has happened that I truly never ever thought would happen.”

Woojin smiled. “Take all the time you need.”

“Thanks,” Chan said as he tried to compose himself. He let himself get the tears out. Woojin took his hand. Chan squeezed it in thanks. Chan took deep breaths and wiped at his cheeks as soon as he had stopped crying. He turned back to Woojin.

“Okay. You can go now.” Chan smiled, and Woojin smiled back.

“Bang Chan. It’s been over a decade since we met on that university chat room. It’s been a decade of so many things. More adjectives than I can even think of. But you’ve been there through everything. Helped me through my ugliest, messiest, most painful times, never daring to let me think I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve what I’ve received. Before you, love was a total mystery to me. I couldn’t even conceptualize what it might be like. But now that I’m with you, I know that it’s better than anything I could have ever imagined. It’s inside jokes over senseless emoticons, bonding over your some might say juvenile interests, and endless but always wonderful cuddling. It’s increasingly odd and ridiculous pet names, satisfyingly charming banter, and revealing more of yourself than you ever thought you would but somehow not being scared to do it because that person just makes you feel so safe. You make me feel so safe, Chan, and so happy. Sharing my life with you has been such a gift, and we been knew we were going to be together forever, but now that we can, would you like to get tax benefits from it?”

Chan laughed and wiped at his nose. Although he had stopped crying when Woojin started talking, at some point during his speech the sobs had returned. Woojin had been doing his absolute most to keep it together, but now that he had said everything he had wanted to say, he let his eyes get glassy.

“Kim Woojin, it would be an honor to continue sharing a life with you, now with some extra tax benefits.” Woojin laughed and stood up and the two kissed, and it was wet and gross since neither of them had brushed their teeth yet, but they could care less. To them, it couldn’t be more romantic.

“You know what?” Chan asked, sniffling. 

“What, mi amor?”

“I think our story is better than Love Simon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @woojinlesbian

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i hope you like this, i've been working on it for a while and i'm pretty proud of it  
> my twitter is @woojinlovesles1 if you wanna follow me there (it was supposed to say woojin loves lesbians but that was too long and twitter just made it that instead and idk how to change it)  
> thank you for reading <3 comments & kudos are appreciated  
> have a lovely day!


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